So Sorry u had to find something so heartbreaking out like this. I had a VERY close friend who I thought was mad at me. until I called her house & got told by her husband she'd passed! AND, to make it worse... she'd been In the hospital near me, in a coma for 3mo before. so... 9mo total & no one called. I visit her grave often. I know she'd understand.
I'm so sorry for your loss. But when someone dies, their family and friends are devastated, and probably were in so much pain, they didn't think to let you know. I know it hurts, but I'm sure it wasn't intentional.