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I get SSI, he does not. Should we get married? Live together?

I am in a relationship which I believe is eventually going to turn into a life time commitment. I am disabled and on SSI and he is not. He may or may not receive a death benefit from his dad when his dad passes away. My question is, should we get married or should we just live together forever? I don't want to lose my SSI and Medi-Cal completely and be souly dependent on his income. We are also discussing having children in the future.

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ClaraListensprechen

It's not a hard one under today's financial circumstances, actually. Looking to the future, there's the matter of the eventual necessity of going to a care facility and seniors are actually getting divorced just to keep heirloom assets out of the hands of corporations.

When you get married you also have the income tax "marriage penalty" rate besides. Stay living together but utilize a living will to name each other as the person who makes all the decisions should you become incapacitated to make your own, etc.

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If I were to end up in a nursing home with the illness I have, hubby would lose EVERYTHING he's worked so hard to acquire, including the savings account he started way before we ever met. THAT isn't right & if it came down to it, I would divorce him to keep that from happening, tho we'd still be together. Why should HE suffer & possibly become homeless cos of MY health issues? See, what goes on ISN'T right so we have to find ways around the gov't's rules in order to SURVIVE!
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I think we need to create a new word for these types of relationships.... Hmm I misplacd my thinking cap....
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So ... money is more important than marriage? Then I guess you should just live together.

'Course if I were him, and asked you to marry and you said "No, I don't want to lose my SSI, so let's just keep living together" ... I'd seriously rethink the relationship.

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ClaraListensprechen
The economy gives numerous reasons to avoid marriage as it has become a racket right down to the exploitation of having babies. Avoiding marriage is a smart thing to do.
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Shame on you. At least this way she has something to contribute to the income of the house-its freaking hard to make it on 1 income. When I was applying for SS disability & couldn't work, the entire load was on my hubby-every bill, everything I needed, insurance premiums for cars & everything. And I did feel like I lost my independence-its a bad feeling. It was hard & since he's not making a fortune, he dug deep into his account to keep us going-his check barely covered our expenses. I so HATED to ask him for $$$ for those feminine needs(you ladies know what I'm talking bout), $$ to go grocery shopping with, to pay MY medical bill or my prescription costs($795 per month just for 1 of my medications), etc etc. Now I have SS & Medicare and what a difference in our income!! And I feel like I'm more of a partner than a drag on him since now I can help pay expenses like utilities, my own insurance premiums, which aren't cheap, I can pay for my own bad habits & my own clothing. Had I been in Barbra's position, no-we wouldn't have gotten married. We'd have lived together til one of us passed. We've been together over 20 yrs now. Its shameful that we can be forced to make that choice. Survival or marriage-its a no-brainer.
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Hmm...I think different. But, I love God and would not choose to have sex before marriage or live together. I would rather live right before God and be blessed by Him. I love all of you. Please don't take offense. But I do have a question. It seems if a person is married, they can't get help for SS bc of the spouses income? (in what you are saying?) I have developed chronic conditions over the years and it's gotten so bad that I don't feel I can go on at times. What difficult is trying to raise kids and needing money for everything. My husband doens't make enough with all the expenses this life brings. I even had to drop my health insurance bc it just came to the point of my rather paying the mortgage than my insurance. After 2 years of going backwards in my mortgage and paying very little towards it...yet paying very high costs of health insurance...i decided no more. Hubby is self employed and with this economy...and work getting very slow for he im..it's scary. I have thought i needed to apply for SS but I don't know how easy this is or the best way to go about it. Do you have any suggestions?
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lololoves-there's a difference between SS disability and SSI(supplemental income). The SSI has something to do with your spouse's income, disabilty doesn't. I'm on disability, so I have no hassles with income, marriage, etc. I wouldn't lose SS if something happened to hubby & I remarried. Lolo, you need to go to a lawyer who specializes in Social Security cases & let THEM take care of applying for Social Security disability for you. No charge until you win your case, which can vary as far as how long the process takes. SS is a BEAR to apply for so you NEED a lawyer on your side.There should be some kind of state health insurance or Medicaid where you live-apply-it sounds as tho you need the medical care. Now getting Medicaid DOES depend on your finances, so you'd need to ask THEM if you may be eligible. You CAN'T let your health go down the tubes-you have kids who need you. Google "medicaid offices" in your area & then call them. They'll probably have you fill out a form and then schedule a visit with a caseworker & tell you what you need to bring as far as paperwork.
You have every right to feel how you do-no offense. However, I have to wonder if there would BE man on earth if our long ago ancestors, who existed BEFORE churches & organised religion, had refused to procreate cos there was no form of marriage back then....our GOV'T created marriage in order to keep track of people, not for OUR benefit, so to me, tho marriage is good, it's not important. How many people marry WITHOUT love involved? A heck of a lot. LOVE is far more important. I don't believe I could possibly offend an imaginary being up in the sky if I chose NOT to marry, & IF there's an imaginary being, I'm sure he/she/it would understand why there are situations where marriage is a detriment to survival.
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jade, thank you for the input and advice. Regarding if there is a God and marriage....that's a whole conversation in itself. If you are interested in discussing it, let me know. I'll just say that marriage has been from the very beginning when the first 2 people were created. More...if you are interested. ;)
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It's not always about the money. I would happily give up some of the money to be married...but it's the medical I can't afford to lose. Spine surgeries, brain surgeries, etc. for the rest of my life. It sucks but he lives there and I live here. It's sad that you get penalized for WANTING to have a committed marriage.
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That's a hard one. People get or do not get married for many different reasons these days. Always remember you must keep things in place to take care of yourself first.

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I understand. Its so hard to be totally disabled, unable to work, and afraid of losing those hard-won benefits. Its a tough world out there, especially when you're living on next to nothing. Its outrageous that you should lose your benefits because you love someone enuff to want to make it legal. There are millions of older and/or disabled couples in more or less the same boat-in fear of losing a pension from a deceased spouse, or SSI, or health benefits, they live together instead of risking the loss of those benefits they so desperately need. Its a shame that our gov't would put those with the LEAST in the position of having to make this choice. And as a woman, at least this way you have your own $$ thru SSI-you don't have to ask your fiance for every penny you spend & you don't have to account to him how you spend your $$$$. You don't have to worry about whether or not HIS insurance will cover you with a pre-existing condition/disability. You're able to maintain some independence in the relationship that you couldn't if you marry. He will appreciate that you're able to cover your own medical bills & that you add to the income.
I wish you nothing but happiness...

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ClaraListensprechen
Well said!
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green:)
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Get married, that's the right thing to do. If you believe in God he is the supplier of all you needs not man. He said he would never leave you nor forsake you. To often we lean towards our own understanding and not his. Instead of worrying about your SSI, put it in the hands of the Lord, your blessing will come from doing the right thing and getting married, God honors the marriage, not just living together. Do the right thing and watch all the blessing not only will you receive but your husband as well. Put your trust in God and not man.

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ClaraListensprechen
Marriage and birth is more a benefit to the greedy who have no other way to get their grubby mitts on family treasures. This God you speak of is Mammon.
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For beau--- sorry but what a crock. Loving and praying doesn't pay bills or buy food for the table.
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Don't have to apologize, respect and thank you for your opinions, however, through my trials I've discovered God is the way for me. There has been times in my life I didn't know how I was going to make ends meet but through prayer and faith, remembering and standing on God's promises, I made it through. Once again thank you for responding to my comment and I will still put God first and I still trust him as the supplier of all My needs. PS I am married, but I don't have a life insurance policy on my husband nor does anyone have one on me.
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Beau2ful...I back you up 100%. I'm a believer and never suggest for people to live in sin. I have a close friend with whom I've been trying to gently talk to about this. In the end...she decided to not move in with him...even after they found a house. Remember.."The wisdom of this world is foolishness with God." 1 corinth. 3:19. When we choose to live holy before God, it's foolishness to the world. I had to drop my health insurance bc of the high cost I pay per month but it was just too much. I will eventually need to see the Dr. tho. I have chronic conditions. I pray about this and God knows. I have friends who wanted me to lie for them so they could get food stamps. I wouldn['t do it. I won't lie to get my way in this life. Keep up your faith, beautiful. It's wonderful!
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Beau, you're out of your mind. Prayer isn't going to keep my hubby off the streets if I go into a nursing home & the gov't TAKES everything he has worked so hard for just cos we're married. I personally don't believe in anyone's "god"-MAN invented a god figure cos MAN didn't understand what was happening as far as diseases, natural disasters, eclipses, famine, etc, & HAD to blame it on something-why not an angry god? Of course, we know better now. To me, a "god" is about as real as Humpty Dumpty. I can be a good person without being controlled by organised religion. And I ask, WHICH religion? There's so many, and at least 10,000 variations of "christian" churches, all who claim to be the "only true church", with the only true interpretation of the "bible". Well, we KNOW that's impossible! I'm happy with my non religious life. We pay our bills, we DON'T lie, lololoves, and you don't have to be 'CHRISTIAN"to be decent human beings.
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jade, you are right, no one wants to be controlled by a religion. Doesn't sound like a life of love and freedom. Everyone can be a decent person. But not one is perfect and we all tend to fail one another. And...there are many different religions out there...seems like it would be so confusing. With that, Jesus is the only one who stated that he was the "I am." He is the only one who died but rose from the dead and is still alive. And, He is the only one who can forgive our sins. No one has to be a part of an organized religion to believe in Him.
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You will definitely want to talk with your case worker about how his income would affect your benefits if you were to get married. It seems so sad that anyone would have to take that into consideration before being able to get married, but the reality is that without those benefits it could literally put you in a position to not get the treatments that you need, so it's a necessary consideration.

I have a friend who has been with his girlfriend for years, but because she would lose her benefits if they got married, they just can't afford it. What people don't realize too, is that it's not just the monetary part either, a lot of regular insurance companies won't pay for certain things, so without the medical benefits that come along with getting SSI, people literally would not be able to survive.

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You can love him and commit to him just the same unmarried as married. If you lose the only source of income you have then things will be much harder than they should have to be.

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Well, i don't know what you believe as far as your faith. The world says to not get married but the world has no faith in God. In the end, without God, we could gain the world but lose our soul. Which do you want? Choosing marriage and trusting in God to provide is a faith walk. But, God promises to provide for our needs. "Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you." I can say that the past 20 years I have chosen to follow christ, God has provided. At times, I had no idea how...but He always came through. Good luck to you!! I understand!!

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A "god" didn't provide for my needs when I became disabled-my husband did. Social Security did. The doctor who treats me did. I trust my husband, not some fictional, pretend being.
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Jade, everyone has a free will to choose what they want to believe. I believe it takes way more blind faith to believe that we all came from nothing. Or came from a big bang. Bangs cause nothing but disorder not life. It takes 4 billion bits of information for the brain just to move your pinky finger alone. Who said anything about organized religion? I'm talking about a creator and designer which makes much more sense with the complete order of the universe and our bodies, the way they were put together so amazingly intricate. Not to mention our ability to have a personality. To love, hate, think and create....Again...this can be a very lengthy conversation.
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