I don't like the format at all. Yesterday in my life? I'm not sure what that means. I'd be inclined to change the phrasing just a tad.
Yesterday my life was full of promise. I had a beautiful home and a husband I loved with a passion. We were enjoying a glass of wine to celebrate my new promotion when the door bell rang. . . And you can take it from there.
Even editing the second example to, "Yesterday, if I were," presents problems. Is it intended to make use of a past subjunctive mood? Unless you're compelled to use it in that way I'd be inclined to dump that line altogether.
"A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, "Do you know where I can get scrod around here?" "Sir," said the cab driver. "I've been asked that question many times...but it's the first time I've heard someone say it in the pluperfect subjunctive!"
Is this correct? Smart people laugh at it, I wanna laugh to ..,. :-(