Three guys are stranded on an island they find a magic lamp so they have three wishes the first guy wishes to go home to his family poof he was home the the second guy said he wishes he can go home to his family poof he was gone then the third guy said i dont have a family or a home i wish i had my friends back.
Two guys are a sitting in a bar, the bartender comes up to them and asks if they could help the guy at the end bar home. The bartender says he only lives across the street but he has had too much to drink. The two guys say sure will help him. They go up to the end of the bar and try to help the guy off the bar stool but he falls to the ground. They try picking up several times but he keeps falling, so they decide to carry him across the street to his house. When they get across the street they ring the doorbell and the drunk guys wife answers the door. The two guys tell her that here is your husband. He had too much to drink so we carried him home.
She says "Thank you, but where is his wheel chair".
A guy jumps out of an airplane and pulls the rip cord on his chute, but nothing happens. As he is descending he pulls it again and again, but still nothing. He pulls the emergency chute chord and nothing, so he begins to panickwhile pulling on all the rip chords!!!
All of the sudden an old lady flies up from the ground right beside him. He YELLS as loud as he can "Hey lady do you anything about parachutes?" She says "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?"
A woman named PATRICIA WACK got a job as a bank teller. On her first day a man came in and said, "How do you do, Ms. Wack? I'm Mr. JAGGER." "'Jagger'?" she asked. "Are you related to MICK Jagger?" "Yes," he said. "He's me FATHER." "Well what can I do for you?" Patricia asked. "I'd like to take out a LOAN to buy a new car," he said. "Have you any collateral?" She asked. "I have this," he said, holding up a solid gold ASHTRAY. "Well," Pat said, "We'll need the manager's approval." So she called in the manager, who examined the ashtray, nodded, and said... "It's a knickknack, Patty Wack. Give this pog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."