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I'm so lonely, my husband works all of the time! I've told him time and time again how I feel, but he say work comes 1st.

He says he loves me, but he has NO time to spend with me at all. With him there's always an excuse for that. I'm " in love" with him , still, i know he loves me not n the same way. I'm afraid to move on. What should I do? I can't make him love me, so I have to do something, please help. thanks, bye.

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Just Don't Have an Affair...it will hurt you if you do get a divorce...in my opinion if you have told him how you feel and he still does not listen to you, then maybe move on from him...You as a Human Being have the right to be Happy...if you are not happy then go your separate ways...it will hurt at first but in the Long Run you will be glad you did something for YOU

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Mikes703- thanks. I know that's the right thing to do , but it scares me! Thanks. If u have more advice, please , help me out.
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likes xo's answer...and mikes too....
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If he doesn't work, you don't have money.

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Floweriest , it's not the money. It's almost like he's making excuses up be away.?.???
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Dump him, family should come first.

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I agree , but it's so hard after almost 10 years together. How do I do that?
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Do some activity that he LOVES so he can't resist

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:( maybe spend some time away, like your parents or a friends and see what happens. ( to see if you miss each other, if you don't) I would just do it, not discuss it. He will react one of two ways; miss you terribly or it won't phase him. Either way you have your answer.

remember there is more to life than $$$.

Good luck

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Xopakxo- I've done that , I went to my dads for a night, (he didn't like it) last week. Things were the same when I came back, what now?
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I'm not talking for a night. He has to live without you, cook clean, etc. It sounds like he takes your relationship for granted. Too bad if he doesn't like it, tell him the way he feels when your gone is how you feel on a daily basis in your home and if he doesn't want it to be permanent then e will make time for you. BUT you have to be prepared to follow through if he doesn't change. ( i know im not going to be popular for what im going to say but, oh well!) I recommend setting money aside (he doesn't need to know. This will give you a silent confidence to stand up for what you want) for you so you don't have to feel like you have to stay cause it will be difficult to live without his support. Men get lazy In A relationship because they think we can't survive without them, and use the excuse that they are working hard for you. As soon as he realizes you don't need him, he will realize he needs you. Trust me I'm going through this right now and we have 3 kids! One is 7 months. I finally started standing up to him and saying NO and he respects me more.
Good luck
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xoPALxo- You were right when u said he says he does it 4me. He says that everytime I try to talk to him. Thanks for caring.
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I heard the best saying some years ago "there's a special place in hell for women who don't help women!" I live by that daily. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger. I'm here if you need a shoulder. Xo
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xoPalxo- thank you . I'm grateful for that.
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Gotta balance life,

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Balance. If he was around all the time, you'd tired of that too!
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Well,family comes 1st all ways according to the bible!

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That's where we agree 100%!thank u for understanding!!!!
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Actually it's God then family.
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Well I've found that my family enjoys eating and having power and phones that let people ask questions like this!!!! Love don't pay the bills dear

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Thank you, but if there is mutual love, in my eyes nothing else matters! Thanks though. Bye.
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I do work!
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You said it well when u said u can't make him love you. I feel bad for you. I've been in ur situation. It could be helpful to talk to a professional, someone who's unbiased. There's organizations to help women. Wether it's finding a job, or another place to live...if ur not in a position to leave then fill ur time with other things. Volunteer ur time. Take a part time job. Reconnect with old friends. Anything to keep ur mind busy until u can decide what's best for you. I wish u much luck. ;)

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Thank you.
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Why Ty redh. That's very kind of you. :))
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Only you know how badly you need the income. If he is the only one working, he may need the hours.
They say in a marriage, the one who loves more, gives more.
You seem to be the giver. If you are happy in your marriage ,tho the time you spend together is not a lot, you can keep the marriage working by doing a few things.
If you do not have children, you can get a little job or volunteer your time doing something you really enjoy doing.
Don't feel sorry for yourself, get involved with your friends, or make new ones. A coffee break with a friend will cheer you up .The secret to a happy marriage is keeping busy, communicating with your spouse, trying new things together [even if it is not a lot of time] and giving each other space.
If you have children, you must be a busy person.Get involved with your friends for play dates with your children. Become a scout leader or school volunteer. Lots to do.
The last of this answer. If you feel your marriage is on the rocks, hubby and you need to seek a counselor. A good marriage is worth saving.We all hit the bottom at times.

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Thank you so much. , but he won't agree to councilng, but thanks .
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That is tough.. It would be good if you had a supportive family to confide in.Don't give up on prayer cbug. and remember there is always a a good way to solve the issue..it takes time and patience.You will have to make some serious decisions so make sure those who have your best interest are those you confide in.. God Bless..
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No children invilvolved.
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oh what a blessing..no children,,then do what you must,,have you talked to a clergy?
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Tonifish- thank you, for bieng so supportive, I need all the support I can get right now. Your very kind.
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Tonifitch- everyone needs extra money in this economy, but we don't need it that badly. I believe he works all those extra hours to avoid spending time with me, which doesn't make sense to me because we got along great when we'd spend time 2gether . We made each other laugh , we were/ are ; happy in every way when he's around. It's very confusing for me. Thanks for listening, and for caring. Bye
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c bug...you're welcome:) Only wish I had the answers.
Do you think it is another girl? You seem to be the ideal wife tho..working, cleaning, keeping neat and nice looking..'
No one should work just for the money and ignoring the family..We have become possessed with greed// Makes me crazy.
Did you try to see professional help even tho hubby won't? You seem to both love one another..am so happy about that..
It's just a mystery to me..Wouldn't it be nice if you surprised him..not taking no for an answer, and booked a little getaway at a place you know he would like:) Best wishes to you.. hugs
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Girl, if he tells you that work comes before you, he's a douche that doesn't deserve you. I don't know the whole situation but it doesn't sound like he's treating you right. Whatever you do, try to do it according to the Bible. If you pray, God will most defientally get you through. Wait it off and pray a while.

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Trust a bigger picture. I agree w Red in that you could use some non-biased non-"ask" advice. Anything I/we might contribute to such a precious situation will be given out of context. Hang in!! :)

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Nice answer sports guy! ;)
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Sportsguy- thank you for your support, and for caring.
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You betchareenio. Chin up!
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From my point of view, what you should do is try to make yourself busy, join classes or other organizations that will make you open up be exposed to other things which will occupy most of your time. That way you won’t get time to think about your problems and before you know it you will have moved on.

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I feel bad for you, but only because you have no life - and no desire to get one.

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Batboy- you're a jerk and have no idea what the h**l your talking about!!!! I have a life! If you can't answer these questions with a little sympothy , you should just shut up! I'm going through a very difficult time right now , and u respond that way, really?!?!! I believe in karma , what goes around comes around. One day , when u decide to grow up you will have problems too, and you will regret responding this way to me. That's just how the world works. Karma's a bi***!!!!
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I've been on the other side of that equasion . I've worked seven days a week three jobs just to give and give and give you don't realize how he feels to work himself to death to give you the things you want and need . That kinda sounds like love to me . Maybe you should try working and let him sit and home and fuss about having nice things
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Sorry batboy posted that in the wrong place
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Greg.SHE DOES HAVE HER OWN JOB and company..It sounds like greed to me..on hubby's time..One really needs to remember family in life..not just money..What good is money if you have no one in which to share...because everyone is unhappy.
Down to one car here, but we still won't let that stop us from doing things together and enjoying all the gifts [nature] we share.Greg..hope you don't work too hard ..life is soo short..
I am sure cbug apreciates all sincere answers, but as I told her and others, it is hard to know a stranger from one question., We just try to do our best. Have a good week..
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I wish her the best too . But you can't live on just love in today's world . There are many people I know that would love someone like that instead of someone who goes out drinking or having affairs or hanging with friends or worse beating on them . There are alot worse things to be than a hard working man !!!!!
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So try going to stay somewhere. Not for over night, or for a couple of days. Make it an open ended thing. You are going to stay at (name here) house. You don't know how long. You need time to think and figure things out.

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Hey cannerbug~you've absolutely have done the right thing so far.. He know's how you feel about his neglect towards your needs. Your a good looking girl, have you tried a romantic evening at home? Wear something that you think looks sexy on you. Something that you think would get his attention.. If he shoots you down once again!!! What an idiot.

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Knac1055- Thank you. I really need to hear that right now! I'm definitely not the best looking girl n the world , but I'm definitely not the worst, (respectively speaking). I look the same as the day we met. When he comes home the only thing he wants to see is the tv. I've tried what u suggested , but I'll give it another shot. Thanks for your kind words and support. Bye.
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Find a hobby and some girlfriends! Take a class or get your degree! I WISH I could stay home while honey went and made the bread and butter! This man obviously love you so much that he wants to give you the things you want but he has a rough way of showing it! Another thing; if you want him home more make him want to be home more! Cook, dress nice, be interesting! It starts with YOU.

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lolared- what makes you think I don't work?!?! Your making assumptions here. On top of everything I DO cook. I also dress nice, do my hair and wear make-up (even after long days!) I'm always exhausted myself , but I do my part, believe that!
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lolared- ps- I don't have time for hobbies . Chatting on this site is the only hobby I have time for, and that's when I have time off . I work hard cleaning houses. I have my own client base, I don't work with a company, and I make great money. That's my chosen job cause I have always liked to clean. Most other people don't or simply don't wanna and can afford to have someone do it for them. You said you work too. Simple question, when you come home after a long day, do u feel like cleaning ur house and cooking ? I don't, not after just finishing cleaning 2 other houses but I do it anyway , my husband is more messy then a five year old. EVERYTHING I've said IS true. I even clean my house on days off. After explaining myself 2 you, I'm starting to wonder if he's worth it!
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Cannerbug- I am sorry for jumping the gun. I know what you mean by bein tired after coming home from work just to work some more. only difference is my husband is lazy as the day is long. The job he has now he has because of me getting it for him by pulling strings. On top of me workin, keeping house, and raising my child, I pay the bills as well. Hubby works and comes home to sit on the couch and play video games or watch movies.. And he is far from being a child. It is hard for everyone right now. But that doesn't mean you should dissolve your marriage! You made a vow of til death do us part. Do you love this man? Can you bear your circumstances? If so fight through this. You don't have to be lonely. If he's not home that less tending to him and more tending to you! Relax with a glass of wine. Go shopping. Get a dog. Do you have kids? My daughter keeps me company and it is the best company ever! I just truly believe that if you want it to work you will make that happen and you will find happiness. So many men out there don't work,abuse their mate, are just hateful beings. You are obviously a beautiful women who can handle her own. You have your own business! If you are exhausted and are burning out which so am I, take a vacation! A week off somewhere. Maybe he'll want to go too...
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lolared- That's okay. It seems we have some things I common. Thanks for responding and I'm sorry for being so rude, you seem very nice. I hope things get easier for you, maybe I can lighten ur load a little and clean for you one day, playin , I can barely handle things now. thanks for talking to me about this, again, sorry 4 being rude earlier, gotta go 4 now, bye.
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Sites like this are good but can cause confusion and ill feelings. Because we don't know one another, we have to rather guess what the person asking the question is all about and vice versa.
As long as the person doing the asking understands that no one here can give the right answers for reasons stated above, I think we all are just trying to answer the way the question hits us..Hopefuly it will help..
My best to you both..Life throws curves...For me , my way of dealing with them is very strong confidence in God. Bless you both.... hugs
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It's ok cannerbug I take no offense! I truly wish you all the happiness this world can give.. As I would anyone... :) keep your head high and God bless!
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lolared- Thank u.
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tonifitch- I understand that ,thank u 4 your support.
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If you're going to be married to an "aholic", having a workaholic sure beats an alcoholic, no? My husband is a workaholic, too. I am delighted to have so much time alone... I spend that time (among other things), planning his favorite meals, keeping the house spotless, running errands-- and horseback riding, rollerblading, going to the beach, shopping, taking college courses and many other frivolous things. The point is, instead of lamenting your time alone, embrace it...learn to love it-- don't expect your hubby to be your source of entertainment (they're kinda dull anyway:).

Now, let me ask you a question, Cannerbug; are you sure that your loneliness isn't boredom? Sometimes when I'm alone I kick a few stones around and sigh, thinking "I'm lonely"-- but quickly I realize it's just boredom-- boredom doesn't last long with me. If you are truly lonely, meet with a girlfriend once a week.

Instead of saddling your husband with burdens of your loneliness when he gets home, thank him for working so hard, thank him for all he does, tell him he's your hero, cook his favorite meals and cater to his every whim-- because you can-- he'll be gone in a few hours anyway:)

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Sasquatch7575- Thanks for trying to help, but you couldn't be more wrong.
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hahaha- you're welcome, I think:). What's the story then? Do you have a job? You don't enjoy time alone? What will you do to help your situation? I don't think divorce is the way to go. I personally am very lucky to have a man that works hard for his family. Anyway, cannerbug, good luck to you, my friend, I hope you get it all worked out
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sasquatch7575- yes I work too, I think he is using work as an excuse to be away from me. Thanks 4 ur help.
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You're amazing my friend. :~)
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cannerbug, I'm so sorry:( You seem like a very nice human-- and you're pretty too. Maybe your hubby is taking you for granted? That's probably what you wanted to hear-- you know the answer then; either go about your own life and mentally divorce him, or learn to live with his cold heart. Whatever you do, I wish you sunshine and happiness:)

Hello RHP! You're so kind, but no, I'm not amazing, I couldn't help cannerbug:( I can only relate personal experiences. How are you today?
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It might seem that you didn't help - but your compassion, kindness, and wisdom does matter. It has for me many times. :~)

Doing good - getting ready to drive to Snohomish. After that it's on to Olympia, then to Vancouver. Hope your day is going well too my friend.
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You're so nice:)

drive safe, RHP, enjoy your trip... although I'll assume it's business, but either way I'll bet the scenery is spectacular! Catch ya later my friend, it's time for me to strap on my roller blades and head up the trail
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Sasquatch- I'm trying to say we've been together for close to 11 years,and things have changed so much that I don't know how to deal. I don't want to leave him. He's been sleeping on the couch every night for months, he wont talk to me, he won't even eat what I cook for him. It just feels like in many ways, he left me a long time ago. I'm not looking for pity , I'm looking for advice.
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I don't pity you... I pity him for not realizing what a lovely wife he has. Okay, so here's my advice then (if it's not too late for that); of course you know that you cannot change his behavior, you can only change your own... and you can change your reaction to him. As I mentioned above, mentally divorce him and go about your business... go to work, continue making his meal, and when you've done all that... leave him alone. I have BEEN where you are, I never wanted a divorce either, so I went about my day-- acting as if he wasn't there. It worked... soon he came running. Believe me, stop asking him what's wrong, stop begging him to change... just change YOU. Good luck, cannerbug:)
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sasquatch7575- Thank you so much, that's what I'm gonna do, you're a very nice person. Again, thanks , bye.
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occasionally you will get discouraged; I hope you have a great friend that can help you through those times. Stay strong!
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cannerbug, good luck. I feel your pain.

sas: RHP was right.

RHP: good hearing from you. enjoy the trip.
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Dozy- Thank you,
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Okay, my husband sometimes works 16hrs a day at 4 pm to 8 am the next day. I'm very sad because he could say sorry to me that he can't come home because people in the next shift have are short but he can't even say sorry to his coworkers. We always fight over his hours at work and especially at night. I do feel lonely and it breaks my heart that he puts his job before his wife. I have tried to hang on because I love him so much and We have talked about our feeling a lot of time but he always says that he cannot do anything about it because it's his job. I am still hanging on, sometimes I would do my prayers at night and My mind would go in peace to sleep.

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