How can I let my dad know he's a jerk and a bully to me?
My dad always tells me he loves me, but it's gotten to the point where I just roll my eyes and think "liar." He crushes my dreams and makes me feel insecure. I said I want to take voice coaching lessons, and he laughed and said "I've heard you sing, and you suck." Then he goes and mocks me. I also said I want to take karate, and he laughed again and said "I've seen you in class. You suck." That was seven years ago!! I also can't wear shorts without him taking a look at my thighs and implying that I'm getting fat (I am NOT) and need to lose weight. It's gotten to the point where I find myself in tears regularly or physically hurting myself. At one point I thought I had broken my hand after punching a wall several times. He wonders why I have little to no respect for him. And to make matters worse, my mom does nothing! I told her I want to start seeing a therapist again, and she said "no you don't." My dad suffers from depression, my grandmother and I think my mom does, and I'm pretty sure I do too. I've been contemplating suicude on and off for years, but the only thing keepig me here is the small bit of hope that things will get better, but I've pretty much given up. My dad is the type of man that I don't dare call him out on his faults unless I'm willing to apologize and suck up to him for a long time or deal with being slapped. My mom won't leave him, but I can't live with him. I've also considered running away, but I have nowhere to go, and besides, that's a stupid idea. So what do I do? I don't want to have to deal with constant pain anymore.