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Should my 9 year old visit her grandfather during his last days of life?

My daughter's grandfather is dying of cancer and has a little over a month to live and it has really been hard on him. He is sleeping most of the time now and is disoriented and can't remember who anyone is. He can't take care of himself and only eats a little food if any. She only sees him once in a while but when she does see him it makes her feel uncomfortable because of how he is now.Her father and I are separated and don't get along very well and have different views about all of this. He thinks she should be around him during his last few days of life but I think she should do what makes her feel comfortable and that is to not be around him to much because it makes her very uncomfortable. I don't know if she should experience something like this or if it would be too traumatic for her.

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she should visit him. it would be the right thing to do

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Man people on this thread are stingy with the green :-(
Almost all of those below are mine...
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one_life

yes! i wish i wouldve gotten the chance to see my papa before he died :(

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I think so too.
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one_life
yupp
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Yes , Ur All True :)

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Yes, he needs to know she loves him, and she needs the opportunity to say goodbye, or else a lot can be missing from what she wanted to say

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I am sorry that your family is going through this sad time. I think it would be appropriate for your daughter to see her grandfather unless she absolutely does not want to. Explain to her in terms she can understand what is happening and in a way that will not frighten her. Explain that this is a part of life and that it is okay to be sad and okay to miss people who we love when they are gone. Don't try to give too much information, and keep the visit short. She will be grateful that she had the opportunity to see him later in life, and the opposite is that if you do not let her see him she might resent you later for it.

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I was in the same situation. My dad wouldnt let me see my grandma though. he said that he wanted me to remember her healthy!

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Yes, I think they should see him. I never met either one of my grandpas, I really wish I could have, but they both passed before I was born :(

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I think you should let her go and see him before he passes on although if she is uncomfortable you should probably sit down and talk about what it would mean to you and to her grandfather. I personally think it would be a nice thing to do. Good luck and best wishes.

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Yes, unless she can't handle it.

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Very sad to experience for a little kid, but I never think she shouldn't visit him. My cousins' 4 kids (age 4, 7, 9 and 12) often visited my grandfather(such a loving guy!) during his last few months really often. They cried and cried at the funeral, like it was the end of the world. BUT they started talking about good memories about him happily soon. Beloved one's death is so hard to deal with, but there will be much to be learned in it. (None of my cousins' kids got traumatized.)

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She would more than likely make her grand father feel much more comfortable when he witnesses his grand daughter unknowingly using/complementing/acknowledging something unique which he has intentionally/unintentionally taught her. This works both ways but she is 9 yrs old and probably won't appreciate this until later in life, and so hopefully the memories will have the best intentions.
If her grand father can't remember anyones face.. maybe certain voices help him to remember and feel what he needs to feel, or figure out while he can.

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Sounds like you are trying to sanitize her life. She needs to learn to live life and deal with death.
The other relatives need to know that her side of the family cares about him too. Staying away during his final days would appear to be disrespectful.
This is the time for her to be close by to learn about him from other close family members.
This isn't going to traumatize her unless you make it so.

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YES you should let her visit him. You will regret later if you don't. She is old enough to understand what is happening. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family. So sorry you are going through this.

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yes of corse

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Yes she should

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You said it made her uncomfortable to see him now, but what kind if relationship did she have with him in past 9 years? If she barely knew him I think it may be unnecessary but if she visited him a lot and there was much affection between them I would let her go. At nine I think she is mature enough to understand death and to see a dying person who is sleeping for a few minutes.

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cheesewaffle4

Yes.

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