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Delouise: 1 year ago via iPhone

My 11yr old son has been living with his dad for a year & doesn't want to anymore?

His dad & stepmum are fighting a lot, in front of him, swearing. He says his stepmum is being really mean to him. Full story in my previous questions... So, should I get my son to tell him or do I? His dad is not going to be pleasant about this. He's very unapproachable & will demand he goes home. What do I do?

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Answer 1

Clemence: 1 year ago

Personally, I think that you and your son should both tell him about what you have been discussing. This will make it easier for him to accept since he won't think that you went behind his back to get his son away from. You can also tell your son to try and talk to both his father and his step-mum about their constant fighting and how it's affecting him.

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Delouise: 1 year ago via iPhone

Thanks, he's going to talk to him about it in the phone tomorrow. His father is really unreasonable & impossible to talk to. He's worried that if he talks to him he'll be in trouble... It's a really tricky situation.

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dogyday: 1 year ago

i agree with clemence

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Answer 2

dogyday: 1 year ago | Last edited at 1:51AM on 5/25/2012

well its never good for a kid that young to see his/her parents fight, have you thought of moving him in with you?

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Delouise: 1 year ago via iPhone

Well, we want him to come back here because he's distraught over things at his dads house. We plan in telling him tomorrow but should I tell his dad or should my son tell him?

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dogyday: 1 year ago

hmm, *I* would tell him directly.
but i think he would keep calmer if your son told him.
it's entirely up to you though.

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Delouise: 1 year ago via iPhone

He may be calmer if he tells his dad but I'm worried that he's going to bully him into going home. I'll tell him if need be, I'm just not sure which is best. I feel sick over the whole thing..

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dogyday: 1 year ago

hmm, maybe you should tell him then.

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Answer 3

jazra92: 1 year ago via iPhone

If he prefers living with his dad then it means u have done worse to him than his dad. Apologies if I offend u.

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Delouise: 1 year ago via iPhone

He doesn't want to live with his dad anymore. I'm trying to figure out if I should tell his dad or if he should. He lived with me for 10 years & moved out a year ago when him & his 13 year old brother were fighting a lot. No offense taken.

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Rathkeale: 1 year ago via iPhone

You should have explained this last part within your question. Otherwise, we assume that he is living with his dad (and not shared custody) because the court felt living with his mom was unsafe. That puts a negative spin on your question that doesn't belong because you are a diligent mom trying to do your best for your sons.
Notify the father that, since the boys are older, a more back-and-forth plan needs to be made so both parents have time with the kids.

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Answer 4

DebW: 1 year ago via iPhone

Don't make him tell his dad. That's something an adult should do. Particularly if he's not going to be pleasant about it.

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Answer 5

jpink2: 1 year ago via iPhone | Last edited at 8:49AM on 5/25/2012

Would it be possible for you to request your son stay with you weekdays and visit weekends? (or is that the previous arrangement) if so maybe you could start off with your son staying with you for three four days with the explanation he would simply like to be spending more time with you. Kind of like breaking the news gently without it being "his fault" for the fighting. Just a suggestion since you said he was pretty unreasonable, I'm sure you would rather speak the truth. Hope all goes well :) ah, I just read your previous question! I would just tell the dad he is staying with you now, i wouldn't have your son face his wrath :( it doesn't sound like a healthy situation, do you both have a parenting plan? if not I would recommend getting one. if he makes threats like that I would be questioning his ability to care and sacrifice for your son.

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Delouise: 1 year ago via iPhone

Thanks Jpink.. I think I should be the one to tell him as its not going to go well, that much I'm certain of. Thanks for the advice.

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