I don't know if it's truly possible to survive such a betrayal. Many, many people want to forgive, but find that they become hypervigilant, that they cannot be calm when their lover/mate is not with them, they simply CANNOT trust them again. Many of the women who believe that they have forgiven this complete violation of their marriage vows plunge into deep depression, and remain sad and distant years on down the road.
I suggest that if you find that you cannot rest easy when he is not with you, you should either demand that he enter counseling with you, or you should leave him. It is not worth your mental health to stay with someone who has committed the ultimate betrayal.
p.s. Dr. Phil says that infidelity is a "deal breaker," and that no woman is obligated to stay in a marriage with a man who cheats. Just thought you might like to know.
Frankly, lhuttula. I hate these types of questions. I have said this a million times! Do not bringyour personal problems to ask.com!!! It is your choice, and this isn't a social networking website where you can discuss your personal problems! Marriage is about making decisions together:why don't you make one on your own instead of influence from ask.com users who are prepared to answer and ask questions such as "Why does my dog turn around before it lies down?" Please, take these important issues elsewhere.
You can forgive... Well, at least, some people can. In my opinion, though, you have to be ready to forget as well. The reason I say that, is because the relationship won't work if the one doing the forgiving is constantly worried about the person cheating again, and accuses him/her constantly.
It can be done. It needs to be. It is not easy tho and usually there are so many things to overcome in addition to the cheating. It takes a huge commitment from both parties. It takes so much work and understanding. After you forgive him you have high expectations(nothing more than in the beginning) but having been through it, forgiving him, and doing everything I could do to have a good marriage for 25 more years, I finally threw in the towel. I think forgiveness is paramount for you as much as for him. Do I recommend staying in the marriage? You can only decide in your case. I can truthfully tell you that knowing what I do now, I would never do it again. Forgive -yes. Stay- no way!
Forgiving is one thing but trusting will be the big issue . You will never ever trust him and often times others in your life. He broke trust. Trust takes a lifetime to earn and a minute to lose. Everything you knew to be truth was stripped away from you. You will always wonder if he's thinking of or comparing her to you. It's possible to salvage the marriage but it will always be a factor and things will be different at least for you internally .
i couldnt stay but u maybe stronger than me... but if ur willing to forgive b ready& willing to forget caus when u guys have arguments u cant throw it in his face( i would do this) can only look forward to future so when u have ur feelings in order ull knw whether to stay or go. im soo sorry i wish u the best!!! u desrve more than a im sorry please forgive me.. he made his bed let him lay in it.
Has he ended it with the affair person and sent a formal no contact letter? Is he transparent with all passwords, emails addresses, his cell phone records, whereabouts, etc? Is he remorseful - truly remorseful (not just guilt for having been caught and feeling sorry for himself)? Has he accepted full responsibility for his choice without expecting you to take any of the blame? You can take some responsibility for the marriage not being great but no responsibility for his choice to go outside of the marriage to make himself feel better rather than working on things at home. Has he gotten into individual counseling to figure out why his self-esteem is so low he needed external validation from some other woman? Has he answered all of your questions (a million times if you need that)? Provided you with a timeline? Does he understand that you can't just pretend it didn't happen and move on? Has her spouse (if any) been notified? Is he doing and saying all of the right things? Has he read any books on the subject (After the Affair, Not Just Friends, Helping Your Spouse Heal After an Affair). Is he willing to go to marriage counseling? Does he realize this is a one shot deal and he needs to fix it? Is he supportive of you and understanding of your emotional roller coaster? Does he realize that you can't get over it and must go through it - together?
It's tricky to know the best answer. Was it a one night thing a long term thing the only time or many times. Why did he feel the need did you withhold yourself from him, did he make a mistake ? did you ? Not everyone is perfect and not every affair is a break up. Some learn a lot and say its no big deal it was only sex not caring so given all factors over look it one time. You know best what you can live with
Unfaithfulness is the ultimate betrayal in any relationship. When your married it's the worst. Not only have you compromised your marriage, but everything you've worked for that you have together, meaning your home and many other things. Over time I have learned that once a cheater always a cheater. You may be able to forgive them, but you'll never forget what has happened. This is the way we are designed to protect ourselves, and this is the way we learn not to let someone burn us again. So learn from this lesson of life, forgive and move forward with your life alone, you'll be glad you did later down life's road.
forgive him yes,forget NEVER,is this his 1st time or,1st time getting caught,i mean honestly,how do you really know??you dont,and it will always go through your mind,hes broken the golden rule of marriage,once theyve cheated,theres nothing worse they can do 2 you,its your choice 2 stay but,if you do,your telling him,its ok you cheated,do it again,ill be here
Forgive.. never forget.. , if you decide to forgive him you have the right for as long as you please.. to be suspishsay checking calls exedrae.. trust is to be earned!! and he lost your trust and that's not something you just give right back out of the goodness of your heart.. com ' on.. its going to take time to rebiled..'' When this happens one of two things will happen... and not right away. this in the end will bring you both closer 'from having to rebuild trust ect.' or tear you two apart. I belive in second chance.. but not 3rds! but anways..The thing is have to find out the 'why' why did he cheat? it may be trivle.. but its important.. cus if thus do not get down to the root it will crop up again. and honey it doesnt matter what he say either way its going to hurt..;/ 'unless you rather not know. personally I want to know why.. bc/ we arnt having sex, or cus he was drunk, or cus he had a fanncy whatever!?!? 'I dont want to know the details cus that would make me cringed!' He may never do it again... but he may. I would hide cameras in all the rooms and car and record phone calls ect. that's me!! Good luck!
There's always a reason behind why a partner's having an affair with another man/woman. Question is, has he done it twice? Or over and over? If that's the case, trust is so hard to re-establish here. Are you still happy and willing to save the marriage? These are some of the questions you need to ponder. And if you can't handle it any longer, get some counseling: http://www.harrisfamilylaw.com/harris-practice-areas.cfm . I hope was able to help you..
If you feel strongly! Then! yes! check out the song by Human League called Human. The link:http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=5153 It has the lyrics (the scroll bar does not move) If you remember. It's a song about 2 people that cheated on ea. other.. The meaning is there. will get the idea! You can see the video and hear the song as well. I think you
Forgiving your husband for his indiscretion comes down to how willing he is to make amends. He should be willing to answer any and all questions you have, and he should understand that it'll take a long time for you to get back to where you were emotionally before you found out.
If he's unrepentant, secretive, or blames you for his cheating, I'm afraid you'll have to think long and hard about whether or not it's worth staying with him. After all, what's a relationship without trust?
I'm sorry but if the dude cheated on you he had no respect for you in the first place. The only reason why he would feel bad is that he got caught. If he knew better than to not sleep with the family dog, he knew better not to cheat. Once you let them get away with cheating they will keep cheating. Myself nor my spouse could ever imagine cheating on each other. I would never be able to forgive and I would expect a person to stay with me let alone forgive me if I did that to them. When you get married, you commit yourself 100% to that person no exceptions. Infidelity destroys the sanctity of marriage, and the extremist try to blame on the gays. Besides the point. In my book once a cheater always a cheater, your husband should be obsessed with you, worship you, as you should him (until he or you cheat). That obsession, passion and love for one another is what keeps one from cheating. Honesty and trust are the two foundations on which true love is built. I say take him for everything he's got and treat him the way he did you... be selfish and dump the asshole.