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Why does he say mean and hurtful words when arguing?

My boyfriend and I have been arguing, i understand his stressed out with work but he can say really mean things to me when his angry, i try and act like i dont care but i really do. Last night he said he hates me and that he doesn't need me anymore. Today, we got into an argument again he said his done with us over the phone, then hanged up. he texted later on saying all I do is waste his time and that I'm just an obstacle in his path :'( (that hurt) he says he can't do it anymore.. Now he wants to talk face to face (wants to say it in person) i dont get it, i mean his already said it, why does he wanna talk... i don't wanna talk or see him never again. I'm nt really looking for any advice bt just someone to share too. Im not really upset about everything that has happened, im just really upset abt the fact he said that im an obstacle in his path. (a waste of his time) after everything i've done for me.

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Without knowing the both of you or having spoken to him, I will say this...it's been my experience in counseling people that hurtful words are often spoken/shouted in anger because the person saying them is hurting and wants someone to hurt as badly as they are. Misery loves company. True love wouldn't do this. But then, true love only exists in healthy relationships and people. If he is being honest with you, he's not doing it in a loving manner. Whether he loves you or not, there's still human decency/respect for the other person's heart and emotions. Communication is good/vital to any and all relationships, but just as vital is the manner in which one communicates. Might I suggest that you learn from him. Learn from the pain he's caused you and take to heart that you not communicate in his fashion with others in your own life in the future. It sounds like ("after all I've done for him") you're a giving person, learn to also give to yourself as much as you give to others and others will give to you as well. In short, be good to yourself and others will be good to you. You deserve the best part of you as much as others do! =)

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Jsmom
Those words are so valuable...
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Very well said
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Well said, Rev!
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Maybe he needs a little space right now. He could be going through a hard time. but you still can't let him just push you around, leave him for a few days if you need too. maybe then he could relize how he is making you feel.

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Those r very hurtful things to say! If I was u I would ask if would sit down and talk and than say you make me upset when you say mean things to me! I would deeply appricate If u could talk nicely to me.

If that doesn't work try connseling

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What the Rev said ~ bravo ~. I will jus add in short. I know u still love this loser, and have put time in to what u thought was a meaningfull relationship, but do yourself a favor and move on. You REALLY deserve sooo much more than to be an "obstacle" girl. That's harsh. There is someone waiting for you and you don't even know it yet.....

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I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I totally agree with the above answer. You do not need that kind of a relationship. You deserve love, care and respect and that is what you should expect and give when seeing someone. So sometime apart will be good.

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Some folks just like to build card-castles all over the house - and then wait for someone to accidentally knock them over so that they can get upset. Ditch the bum

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You don't deserve to be spoken to like that, and I am confident that he won't change. You need to let him know, up front, this is not acceptable and you deserve more respect and to argue like adults. No name calling. Or you should walk, don't look back. There are kind, mature men out there.

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Shedevil and Rev said it. Love doesn't hurt!! Angry or not, no one has the right to make you feel less than a person, unless you allow it. People will do and say whatever they want to, you have to either allow it to happen or not!! "Misery loves company". Stressing at work doesn't give him the right to degrade you the way he does. If anything, he should be asking you for support and a shoulder to lean on when he's stressed. Lashing out isn't the answer.

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Ok sweety, my brother in law did the same thing to my sister awhile ago. But a little bit more then what you are saying!

This is what happened: he would argue with her almost every day that turned into night, then he would say the most profound words to her that literally drop her head to the floor saying omg, what is going on here,

Well, a few weeks later, we found out that he was having an affair with another woman, and he wanted to be with her! That's why he treated my sister in that way,
We then took my sister from him, and then he ran away with this junk, and that was the reason why!
So ask him in ways, don't say your cheating, do the lady's thing on him, most girls are better then dectectives out there, see if he is showing signs of ? What ever it is that only you will know is different to you,

But, it also might be something About what you have done, that you forgot to tell us about? But it seems like you might be innocent. So good luck with that!

I really hope this helps you.

A-friend......

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Expect more for yourself. Don't get stuck with someone later down the line when u truly want outta the relationship u can't get out .. B careful.

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What do I do. Sometimes my boyfriend gets frustrated with me because we fight over little stupid things nothing serious. I like want to talk about issues hug and say I love you and move on. I want to try to understand learn from each other but He don't like talking about anything to fix it or understand the argument. So he shuts down and completely ignores me he wont talk or anything, Then when he gets tired of mean explaining to him what happen and talk about it and try to understand each other. He turns around and blows up tells me shut the fuck up now what the fuck are you doing here, im tired of you. he just don't want to talk. He gets rude, says mean things hurts my feelings. I feel bad im sensitive. What do I do? Ive been with him 4 years. He still the same way the whole time. I ask him not to treat me like that when he gets frustrated what do I do? He ask me to marry him this May 26, 2013 but he still acts the same. He said he would change but he still hurtful.

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Hi. I am going through a similar thing at the moment with my partner. I just cant get through the hurtful things he has said in anger. I am really hurt by it. He told me last night that he can have any girl he wants and that he could certainly meet someone else if I didn't want him. He is so spiteful and then apologizes and gets really upset. I don't think I can deal with theses horrible things he keeps saying even if they are in the heat of an argument.

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