Submit a question to our community and get an answer from real people.
Submit

Why do I still miss my ex after being divorced for almost 10 years? Was married 27 years. Do I need therapy? Is this normal?

I have been remarried for 4 years. I have 3 grown children & 7 grandkids. My ex is still with the person that he had an affair with, however, they have never married.

Report as
john8715

You may have some unresolved issues from the past, you may still feel abandoned as a result of the affair and have residual pain, but you have remarried, found, I presume, a loving soul mate with a wonderful amount of loving kids and grandkids. Imagine if you had none of that, how do you feel now?
Embrace what you have, and feel fortunate for it all, there are those that envy you for the wonderful blessing that has been given you, although you have earned it by the wonderful person that you are.
Maybe you should see a counselor to put those old feelings in perspective, maybe then you can bury the past and embrace your future with all that surround you.
Do you think your X has feelings for you, if not why long for something that no longer longs for you.

Take a look around, see how lucky you are?

Helpful (5) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

I think it's normal but it's also time to move on. Talking to a therapist or clergy can help you do this.

My husband was married for 20 years to his first wife. She pined for him for the next 10 including while we dated/married/had 2 children. She tried to get him to come back and leave me. Even got their children involved asking them to dislike me and ask their father to go back. Needless to say we've been together 18 years and she still hasn't dated, etc. But we no longer have a relationship with her or the kids/grandchildren. Pls move past this.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

You spent 27 years with him, that's a long time, more than half your life probably. It's normal I think to miss him as long as you have closure with the situation. You moved on, got married again and he obviously moved on. Don't look behind, look to the future. Don't live in the past, enjoy your time now.

Helpful (3) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

this is really sad & hard on you, I'm sure. Do you really love your new husband? Maybe because HE left YOU that you feel you will always love him. From experience, it seems like once we fall in love with someone, that love sticks for life whether we get to remain with that person or not. Do you cling to hope that your ex may not love his "new" partner? If so, that could explain it. I think therapy could not hurt.
Normal? idk, but I'd guess: yes, many people in similar situation.

Helpful (5) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Missing your ex is normal, but for the first few months. However your case might need some professional help. You might not be just missing him, probably getting over him would do you some good because you have been remarried for four years therefore you should visit a professional counselor for help.

Helpful (3) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

You were with him 27 years, you wouldn't be human if you didn't love him till the day you die....... That's my opinion.

Helpful (5) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

You will probably always miss your ex, but you have now chosen a new spouse. Put the love for your ex aside and work on your current marriage. I don't think therapy will help. Learn from that original feeling of love and capture it in your second marriage.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

I don't think it's terrible to miss someone you cared so much about, unless it is interfering with the present and future.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

27 years is a lifetime, it would be odd not to miss him.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
Thank you to everyone who took the time to answer... I felt like everybody was sincere and I have taken a lot of comments to heart!!
Again, thank you!
Report as
Add a comment...
Do you have an answer?
Answer this question...
Did you mean?
Login or Join the Community to answer
Popular Searches