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What are some funny things i could say when telemarketers call

a lot of telemarketers have been calling my home lately and i feel like i should have some laughs

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I usually just answer (with an accent) "Hello China Wok, How I take your order?" They usually just hang up on me.... Or I'm like "IT'S GOING TO BLOW IN 5 SECONDS!!! DONT SHOOT!! DONT SHOOT!!!! THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!"

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Lol my husband does the accent thing too!! Too funny!
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Haha yes! XD I'm not the only one! >=D
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Not the cake!! XD
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Ask him inappropriate questions or try to have a conversation

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Here's what I do. I start telling crazy stories to the person on the phone. Absolutely hilarious stuff that I make up. I try to get the telemarketer to hang up on me. Pretend your using the bathroom when they call. Or just start yelling like there are people robbing your house. The thing is they have to make a certain number of calls every shift so the longer you keep them on the phone the harder it is for them to make their quota.

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And what if that's the only job they could find and being able to get a decent paycheck to pay their bills and put food on their table depends on them reaching their quota?
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dustee
g
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Seriously!!! I worked as one once (VERY briefly). Its not a fun job. In fact...it SUCKED!!! People were rude ALL DAY!!! All I was trying to do was feed my kids and pay the rent! Listen y'all...its not personal! Telemarketers don't choose who to call. They are given a stack of cards with phone numbers on them, and sometimes names, and told they HAVE to call these people and make sales or be fired. FUN huh?! Have some compassion for your fellow humans feelings. Be nice!!!
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when they pick up ask if they like it in the butt hole..

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prettylittleliar1

Ask him or her how they're doing and get in a conversation. THey will most likely hang up. I do it all the time! lol :)

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Pretend that you too are a telemarketer and try to sell them something or pretend that you can't hear them play act like "darn this phone don't work no more etc etc". :)

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If you know a foreign language, start speaking it. Or start complaining to them how they interrupted you while you were on the toilet.

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Cjs whor house, u got the dough, I got the hoe

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dustee
g
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Haha good one!
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Pfft- that's awesome! XD
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just say hello and every time they start to talk say hello or tell them to hold on and lay the phone down see how long before they hang up.

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Tell them that you need to get your credit card. Then set the phone down and go take a walk or do laundry

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Well ever since I've heard jay von Monroe say it when strangers call I've been saying either I'm going to double penatrate you in your butt hole or I say breed my whole white boy haha I love botdf!

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this is what you do. Answer the phone And say, NYPD detective Kelly speaking how can I help you

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bentheredunthat
Laughing! Then ask the caller for a PBA donation!
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smart thinking I will include that next time lolol
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My husband always acts like he's talking in another language and he'll keep saying "A-low" (hello) works well

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dustee
g :)
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Keep saying what? Can you Speak up? Or Say hi Tom.

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Ask their name and tell them how much you like it, it was your favorite grandma's or granddaddy's name. Make up a story about how you liked to go to their house and eat special food or the tire swing or going fishing, etc.. Tell them how sad you were when they moved away or died. Sound like you are about to cry. Works every time.

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Let me tell you how it is on the other side of the phone. I worked as a telemarketer between semesters in college. As someone up there said, they do have a quota each shift. We had a boss that sat in the front office watching the lights on the phone lines. If the light was unlit for longer than it would take to get a new sheet from the phone book, he came in and reminded you of what you needed to be doing.

For me it was no big deal to quit. I had skills and education enough to get a job elsewhere. But there were folks there weren't qualified to do much else. It was their livelihood - missing their quota for the day would mean a smaller paycheck and a smaller paycheck would mean missing payment on bills or not being able to get groceries or medical care.

So, if you don't want telemarketers to call, put your phone number on the Do Not Call registry. If it's a company that ignores that, tell them you aren't interested and that you have their number and will report them to the F.C.C. if they call again. Then put yourself in their place and think how you'd feel if someone was pranking you (it's not fun).

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There are companies that are skirting the Do Not Call list by claiming to be doing surveys. I feel no compassion for anyone calling me and saying they are not really selling anything when they are. My phone number is on the state and federal lists and I still get calls and am starting to get them on my cell. Nope, no sympathy.
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Then hang up on them. It's not sympathy for the companies, it's sympathy for the workers who, in this economy, can't find anything else. Again, it's their job and they have to do what they are told or risk getting fired.
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I get more calls now that I'm on the do not call list then I did before it went on the list. I have no problem screwing with the people on the phone. If I have to stop what I'm doing and go answer the phone then I'm going to have some fun. They can hang up on me.
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Then I certainly hope that you never find yourself in the position of having to work as a telemarketer.

Just curious, though. How many of the calls are from telemarketers and how many are from political parties and/or charities?
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I worked as a telemarketer a long time ago when it was legal to call anyone. When we were instructed to really hard target the elderly because they are usually lonely and will buy almost anything over the phone, I quit. The sleazy tactics used and the hard core attitude of the manager to sell no matter what or get your pay docked, being mocked and demeaned in front of the entire room and verbally abused because you can't sell to someone that couldn't afford the magazines was beyond any moral or ethical behavior. The last 3 "survey" calls were from GE claiming to do energy audits for free, only the service charge was $300, A roofing company doing a "hail damage" survey and said they could replace my roof for free all it would cost me is my deductible and the money my insurance company would pay. This promise was made without even seeing my roof. The third was an alarm company with a "crime survey" and how bad it was in my neighborhood and they would install an alarm system and the monitoring would only be $59.99 per month. Nope, still no sympathy.
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"Jim's whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe"

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Ask them how to make meatloaf as there talking pretend your making by asking questions

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bentheredunthat
That's funny, I like that... lol...!
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bentheredunthat

Keep asking, "Whaaaat?" As though you can't hear them. Ask them to please speak up until they're yelling at the top of their lungs. Or, breathe heavy & ask what they're wearing. Or, tell them you're on your way out the door right now, for an appointment. Ask for their home phone number - tell them you will call them back when you come home later that night, after 11PM.

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dustee
hello hello hello I'm hanging up g :)
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I know some good ones because I too, was one for a day. I heard almost all of them in that 8 hrs. of sitting in a shared cubical, in a warehouse of 80 cubicles. The boss looking over all, watching the lights on or off. His best telemarketers got to pace the floor, making sure you were making the calls, with the speech in front of you. If you didn't make a quota you didn't get your dunkin' donut surprise at the end of the day. I just hang up so they can make the quota. I gotta tell ya, I barely made it through the 8 hrs. There is a number you can be put on. I don't know it off the top of my head, but if I remember, I'll let you know! have a good day!

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say HELLO five or six times and then say I'm getting tired of these jerks calling and not saying anything and then hang up.

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"Your call is important to us. Please hold and the next available customer service rep will be right with you."
Put the phone on mute and walk away.

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"Komkowski's morgue. You plug them, we dump them, you stab them, we slab them, you kill them, we chill them. Komkowski speaking, may I help you drop dead?"

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-"are you one of the voices?"

-"i'm sorry, my phone is broken. call back later"

-"i'm blind. please repeat."

-"i don't speak english. sorry, i will call back at my earliest convenience."

-"7 days"

-" just a sec. does it come with a free blender?"

-""How did you get my number? How do you know my name? Are you a stalker? What are you going to do to me?"

-

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bentheredunthat
Laughing! Love the last one, stalker...?
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rainbowbubbles , don't waste the telemarketers time by doing silly pranking stuff.I realize that it might be annoying having to listen to them call you again and again but think about the telemarketers. They are just doing their jobs so they can provide for themselves and their family's. I'm sure that they don't appreciate it when people say "funny things" to them when they are just trying to do there job.I bet they have a lot of things they would rather be doing then calling you but they have too so they can provide for themselves. They have a quota to make and if they don't make it it means less money. Put yourself in their place. Besides , why waste your time when you can just put yourself on do not call list.

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talk to them in robot. Beep Boop Bop Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. MALFUNCTIONING MALFUNCTIONING POWER DOwn.

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Seriously???!!! I worked as one once (VERY briefly). Its not a fun job. In fact...it SUCKED!!! People were rude ALL DAY!!! All I was trying to do was feed my kids and pay the rent! Listen y'all...its not personal! Telemarketers don't choose who to call. They are given a stack of cards with phone numbers on them, and sometimes names, and told they HAVE to call these people and make sales or be fired. FUN huh?! Have some compassion for your fellow humans feelings. Be nice!!!

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bentheredunthat
Agree, truly, things should be handled diplomatically. But compassion goes both ways. Telemarketer & solicitor tactics have become too much like debt collection calls. For years I steadily gave to a well-known, very worthy religious charity. But then money became tight & I could not give as much, as often. They found my home phone number & began calling, angrily DEMANDING to know why I had not given money lately? He was horrible - a real bully. I was almost in tears but I politely explained my situation, A week later the organization called again, same tactics. I no longer give to this charity & throw their mailings in the trash. They just left me so sad & angry. I also got rid of my home phone.
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Try to sell THEM something

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bentheredunthat
LOL - Very good!
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Thank You!
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elkhorn1477

Once you discover it's a telemarketer say you are Detective Stevens and you are investigating a murder, Ask them how they know the victim and how they got this phone number and that you need to have them (the telemarketer) come to the police station for questioning. just keep going on and on like the telemarketer is a suspect.

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Yell "YOUR DOG SHAT ON MY LAWN AGAIN!!!"

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say i want two large pizzas ....one large soda...and seven pizza sticks and i want them here before five..bye

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clearlyconfused

start yelling at them about some random thing

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Do like Robin Williams says and put your Grandmother or someone else with dementia on. Then pick up another line and try to hold back the laughter.

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This one is funny
Act like he called you and try to sell him his own product
Tell him" sorry got to go gotham city is in danger! To the batmobile robin!(yell out that part) and hang up
Try to speak parsel toungue like harry potter or yell Voldemort! Get out of my head!
Answer the phone with a polite hello then amke farting noises and say oh i ecxuse myself but i have to wipe my under back
Sayhi and be all like how are you and that stuff but when he asks you how are you start bursting out in fake tears and say well my love life is horrible, my grilled cheese sandwich fell of my plate and you called me
Repeat every word he says

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atomic batteries to power! turbines to speed! (heh heh... batmobile)
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