Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies, "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
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what do mice use to cut pizza. Little Caesars.
Why did the football player go to the bank?.......to get his quarter back (this is the part you burst into laughter)
Blonde Joke Warning- No Offense to anyone:
A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?? To get to the other side!! Haha so funny... Ok what about... Why did the roaster cross the road?? Because it was the chicken's day off!!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Knock knock
Knock knock who?
I already knocked!!!!!
Why did the boy eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
How did moses make tea?
Hebrews it!
Israeli how he does it!
Yo momma is so dumb, she slept with yo daddy...and kept you!
Yo momma is so strong, she can squat 500lbs with a broken leg.
Yo mamma's so fat, when she went to the beach, the whales sang "We are family!
Yo mama is so ugly she walked into a haunted house and came out with an application.
Yo momma so ugly when she looked out her window, she got arrested for mooning.
Yo momma so dumb when she worked at an M&M factory, she threw away some of the M&Ms because she thought they were W's.
How do you drown a blonde? You glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool!
How do you make a blonde forget something? You blow in her ear!
I'm not against blondes, in fact I am one myself!
What is the difference between snowmen and snow women...snow balls
What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his socks? ..... Bleeeeyatch!!!!
Trampolines used to be called jumpolines until yo mama jumped on one in the 80's.
Why was the picture thrown in jail?
Cause it was framed.
This joke is very special to me for silly reasons that are powerful.
Yer momma's so FAT she ATE jenny craig!
Yo mamma so dumb she sold her car for gas money
why did the elephant cross the road?.................because the chicken got tired! (:
based on the song written in the stars:
teacher: where's your homework?
kid:written in the stars!
t:where in the stars?
k:a million miles away
t:what was it about?
k: a message to the man,
t:it was about seasons!
k: oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!
t:do you know anything about seasons?
k:seasons come and go!
t:your so annoying.
k:i will never change!
t: detention! now!
k:im on my way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were so ugly when you were born they had to put you in an incubator with tinted windows
what kind of mouse dose not eat cheese? ac cheesy mouse
whats worse than spilt milk? losing both of your hands to an ostrich with rabies, rendering you unable to wipe yourself..
