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What are sum funny jokes?

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(I better get A LOT of green for typing this one out!) A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has never done it before. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of it's slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Dave, who works at the Wal-Mart, sees her and unplugs the horse.

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Haha
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A plane takes off, with a Jewish pilot and a Chinese co-pilot. There is a frosty atmosphere in the cockpit until eventually the Jewish pilot speaks. "I don't like the Chinese," he says. "Why is that?" asks the co-pilot. "You bombed Pearl Harbor", says the captain. "That is why I don't like the Chinese." "No, you got it wrong. It was the Japanese who bombed Pearl Harbor," explains the co-pilot. The captain replies: "Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...It doesn't matter, they're all alike." Silence falls in the cockpit. Finally the co-pilot says, "I don't like Jews!" "Why not?'' asks the captain. "Because they sunk the Titanic" replies the Chinese co-pilot. "No, no, no," the captain corrects him, "Jews did not sink the Titanic," replies the captain, and continued to say: "It was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg...It doesn't matter to me" replies the co-pilot.
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Why, Jebidiahcrackercorn, my favorite name on Ask.com to say! How the heck are you? I personally think it's a great joke because it came out about 70+ years ago LOL and you're just not looking for that punchline. (Of course, just kidding. That would make me just WAY too old!) and it'd be just as funny as if you used this "been hit in the head & had one too many concussions" brunette sitting at the computer instead of a blonde. I'll give you a thumbs up. You know, Jebidiahcrackercorn :-) I don't understand this whole "green" thing that's going on quite rampantly right now. You get "green" if you do something good; but you get "green" if you've done some stupid also. But EVERYBODY'S using it (except me. I think I'm secretly refusing something I don't understand.) You reckon, Jebidiahcrackercorn? I hope you come back. I'd like to hear from you!
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Lol who is Dave someone educate me on this vintage joke jk lol
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To SissyMommy: I am doing just fine thank you and yourself, I hope you are just as good? Regarding the joke I posted as an answer to this young man's question, I got it from a joke book that was picked up at a garage sale for like $.50 or something like that. I thought it was pretty hillarious when I first read it. along with the other joke I posted as a comment. As far as the "green thing" is concerned, it is somewhat of a "joke" as well. It is basically a gesture of goodwill even though as far as I know, no one really knows who gave a "thumb" or "green" to who or when.
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2 roses on a piano is nice, but I'd rather have tulips on my organ.-if you know what I mean-

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Wtf..LOL!
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... like your mom or thats what she said

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:| yea but thats not a joke sir lol
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A man with a severe speech impediment walks into a megastore asking for a job in sales. The manager is hesitant, because the man is very difficult to understand. He gives him a job on a trial basis, but decides to keep an eye on him. A few minutes later, a customer walks in and the new employee approaches him and proceeds to help him. Over an hour later, the new hiree closes the sale, and it amounts to over $10,000, including an outboard motor boat, a complete line of fishing tackle, rods, reels, life vests, the whole shebang. After the customer leaves, the manager approaches the new salesman and says, "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen! For you to do that with your speech problem is absolutely astounding." The new salesman looks at the manager and says, "No, the amazing thing is that he only came in here looking for tampons. I told him as long as his weekend was ruined, he might as well go fishing."

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To be honest, that wasn't funny at all.
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Lol
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I guess you had to be there, H3LM3TK1D. Thanks, Cjkenkel!
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Young kids wouldn't understand.
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Yeah, everything's better with bacon.
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Haha, young kids. I know what a period is, granny. I also know that you seem to be on yours as of now.
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Lol FarmerGirlMaryJo u were there with the dude wit speech problems..?
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Lol.
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Granny? I'm 31, hardly a granny.
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H3LM3TK1D... go elsewhere... do NOT disrespect my friends on here.
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Wow! Stick a fork in her, she's done. What is the name of the institution you will be retiring at? I'll be sure to visit.
And for the other girl, I was just defending myself. If you banish others who speak up for themselves, then I do not wish to be in your presence.
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: o
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Sticking up for yourself about what? All I said was Lol, because the joke WAS/IS funny, and I said young kids wouldn't get it. How in the world would you feel the need to stand up for yourself?
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You are rude, and then try to act as if you were attacked? Poor misguided baby.
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So glad you don't want to be here! Buh-bye now!
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Ooh Mary you got on him and yea hes wrong that tho.
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Lulz. You guys take these things much too seriously. It's hilarious!
However, I am off. You can call me sometime. And remember! I love you <3
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I liked it MJ. Reminds me of the one about the Bible salesman with a speech impediment.
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Enlighten me, medic!
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What did one tit say to the other tit?
"If we dont get support soon, peope will think we're nuts!"

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Not bad actually!
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Fathers can teach great things
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I dont get it lol
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Think harder.
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Lol
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ask Siri she's so funny

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Who dat
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How old are you Nick?
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Siri from the iphone 4s, the computer that talks to you
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15
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Wish i had one :p
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whats invisible and smells like carrots?
=> rabbit farts

why do milking stools only have three legs?
=> 'cause the cow's got the "udder"

what did the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?
=> you're too young to smoke!

What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office?
=> "i can clearly see you're nuts"

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Not bad lol
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Did you hear about that guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off? It's okay he's all RIGHT now.

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O wow i get it lolz
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hehe it's a good one eh? took me over 20 minutes to get it cause my uncle was saying it all weird.
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- How do u get a square root

- Just put a plant in a square pot

all rights to this joke goes to the book jay leno joke book

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Lol. the funny thing about the joke was that you claimed that it wasnt yous haha :D
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Many of the jokes that go around are not "ours". I have often wondered though, just who in the hell thinks of some of these and under what conditions they come up with them. "My" blonde joke is a perfect example of what I am saying here. Who first came up with this joke and HOW? I mean did this joke just pop into the original tellers mind wholesale? I, personally, cannot help, but marvel at this.
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Of course yeaaa@ Jebidiadcracker...lol corn just thinking and thinking lead the joke
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An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he's going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving the lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

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Lol nice one SissyMommy and funny name lol
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Thanks you, my dear. And I just happen to think your name is...well, COOL!!!!
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One of my daughter's son's started calling me "Sissy" when he just started speaking. He's now 11 going on 21 and that's what he still calls me. So between my "grandmother" nickname being "Sissy" and me being "Mommy", they kind of picked out the name because I can maybe be either a sister or a mom on here to someone who needs it!
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Aha i dont know why i came up with it silly me lol but yea
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Oh wow lol and you said he's 11 going on 21?
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Yea. Do you know what that means?
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And I don't think you're silly. I think it's cute. It fits your picture perfectly.
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Ooh he must act like an adult right lol?
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ROFL Right. And I think you're 15, going on 25. ;-)
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Haha..well THANKS! lool
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Thats what my mom says, shes like you are like an adult..jeesh
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Oh, Nick, I'm not an adult. I just look REAL old to be 17.
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Wait huh? lool?
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I think I gotcha on that one! Well, sweetie. Just one more thing. You are quite fascinating and ARE extremely mature. I looked back at your profile & saw your question about being alone or w/someone difficult. I wish I'd asked God for the kind of wisdom you have now that I DIDN'T have when I was 21. You've got a good mom. She knows what she's doing, I can assure you of that. Sure hope to talk again.
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Wait a minute, do you mean that you act like your 17 lmao? or..?
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Thanks alot Sissy and alot of people tell that I am mature and im glad they think that ;) and ill tell my mom nah lol ;) and nice talking to youu
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Okay, you're using the fact I wouldn't mind having you as a grandson (or brother) to keep me from going to bed...because I'm back! (Then I'm going to bed.) What are you asking? ...act like you're 17...? or..? ????
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If you're already gone, I'll check back later, okey-dokey? I'm just about to fall over. LOL
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LOL dont pass out on me nah lol but your saying i want you to have me as your grandson or (brother)? lol im a little confused hehe
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In your previous comment you said look real (you know) to be 17 lol and then
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Just asking what you meant when you said, "do you mean that you act like you're 17 lmao? or..?
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LOL i get it lol nevermindd because you said that you would serve as a 'sister' or 'grandma' but yea i never thought of it that way but since you brought that up i guess so >:) hehe
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I got the joke lol.
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Well, I knew you would. You're sharp as a tack. Sweetie, I do believe it's, what, 2:30 a.m. where you live? Well, I've gone through the whole night and not been to bed yet. So I shall say goodnight and sleep tight when you do turn in and it has been my total honor and pleasure to meet and talk with you. In some ways, you're an old soul, NickCoolism, because you're wise beyond your years. (Ask mom what "old soul" means. I'm falling asleep.) LOL You really bowled me over with the alone and lonely question. You're a sweetheart. Goodnight, honey.
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Goodnight can i call you 'Mom' haha?
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Yeah about 2:38 here im going to sleep to
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You'd better believe it! The honor would be ALL MINE, and I'm not sayin' "haha"!!!
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Betetr believe what? lol!
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Oh, Nick, you asked if you could call me Mom. I'm goin' to bed! Call me whatever....just call me. ROFL
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Call you? lol how?
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Hi, Nick. Sorry I had to leave last night, well, this morning....well, now it would be YESTERDAY morning! Geeze, Louise! But I was sooo tired and I haven't felt well all day, so I apologize for just now getting back w/you, and I don't even know if you'll ever come back here. Well, if not, I'll catcha.

Okay. Go, Heeeeeyyyyy!!!!! or U-Whoooooo, are you there!!!!!!!! However you-all talk in CA!

No, silly goose. You can call me Mom (or whatever name you want); you can reach me by email or by phone (I have free long-distance). Of course, that won't help you if you have to pay by minutes.

Now, Mr. Cool, what else?

I gotta go back to bed now. It's already almost 1 a.m. here. Hope you get this & maybe we can talk tomorrow. NO. That would be LATER TODAY. Geeze, Louise.
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LOL are you ok Mom ha? and ok im not leaving Ask
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Hey, sweetie. Here it is, bedtime again for me. But wonderful to hear from my new son! I've not been feeling too well, Nick, really since May. I was put in the hospital two weekends in a row (actually 3 days the first time on Mother's Day weekend & 5 days the next weekend. They only give me a 17% chance of living. But they didn't tell me that until I was out of the hospital!!!) You see, your potassium numbers are supposed to range between 4-5. Mine dropped to 1.7 & I couldn't breathe & started having chest pains. I guess the good Lord wants me here for some reason -- not quite sure what that is since I've had a lot of things go wrong physically in the past 3 years & I can't do the things I used to do, especially at church. Sometimes, I'd get so upset, I wanted to say things that would make a sailor blush!!! Hey, I think we'd better start talking either by email or phone. My email is stunstall@centurylink.net. My real name is Susan (but I DO really like Mom if you wanna know the truth). Just sayin'...
LOL
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Oh my goodness I am glad annd grateful that you are ok! Yea that is some serious stuff and are you ok now? Your'e funny.
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Better than I was, honey. E-mail me so Ask won't get onto us, okey-dokey, Smokey? You're funny, too. Mother and son: good match we two? LOL
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"that awesome moment when your telling a lie and your friend joins in."
"i respect the person who let women in the army...woman on period+gun=unstopable."
"chuck norris was born the day before the nazis surrendered....coincedence....i think not"
"if i could go back in time and change the world i would go to mr. and mrs. biebers room and give them a condom."

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Not funny.. :p
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i got thoz from ifunny so yea not surprisong.
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Lol thats funny :D
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Hey there, aperson.... I'm Nick's mom (hard to explain) LOL

For the most part I thought those were really funny. (Sorry, son.) Oh, and ESPECIALLY #2. If the truth were never spoken.... LOL
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Hehehe :)
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jaja hey!(: most of those are qoutes from will farell and i found them on ifunny. so yea..jaja atleast one of you guys like them....(;
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