(I better get A LOT of green for typing this one out!) A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has never done it before. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of it's slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Dave, who works at the Wal-Mart, sees her and unplugs the horse.
A man with a severe speech impediment walks into a megastore asking for a job in sales. The manager is hesitant, because the man is very difficult to understand. He gives him a job on a trial basis, but decides to keep an eye on him. A few minutes later, a customer walks in and the new employee approaches him and proceeds to help him. Over an hour later, the new hiree closes the sale, and it amounts to over $10,000, including an outboard motor boat, a complete line of fishing tackle, rods, reels, life vests, the whole shebang. After the customer leaves, the manager approaches the new salesman and says, "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen! For you to do that with your speech problem is absolutely astounding." The new salesman looks at the manager and says, "No, the amazing thing is that he only came in here looking for tampons. I told him as long as his weekend was ruined, he might as well go fishing."
"that awesome moment when your telling a lie and your friend joins in." "i respect the person who let women in the army...woman on period+gun=unstopable." "chuck norris was born the day before the nazis surrendered....coincedence....i think not" "if i could go back in time and change the world i would go to mr. and mrs. biebers room and give them a condom."