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wifeyofrob: 10 months ago

I need to fix things with my husband but how?

My husband moved 5 hours away to be closer to his kids and i stayed where i am.i have never been away from my grandbaby.my youngest was at his dads for june and i left to be with my husband.im supposed to move down there..i shut down and shut my husband out.i didnt mean to.he says i stopped showing him affection. i came back here cause my son was coming back and on sunday we are supposed to go back to where my husband is.but he says its not working.help me.i dont know what to do. i missed my grandbaby he will be 4 in august but i want my husband i want to be with him.i dont do well when my son is at his dads. we have been together for 4 years and married one.i told him i was sorry and i love him and i want to be with him and i want to go home(back to him)i asked him to please forgive me.
i was married before(navy wife) .he was always gone and my kids were all i had.but my oldest isabout 21 has a child has her own life.my 14 yo lives with her dad so she has her own life.my 11 yo asked me first thing when i got him back yesterday when we are going home(back to my husband) i said i didnt know.why did i shut down why did i shut him out? .my heart is shattered .i need to fix this.

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lyynsiix3: 10 months ago

you need to talk to him and tell him exactly how you are feeling. paying SPECIAL attention to how much your children mean to you. its especially hard for a mother to be away from her kids or grandkids, and you seem very attached. he should understand, being that he moved closer to his kids.

figure out why he is saying 'its not working'. does he mean the relationship all together, or the distance? or your attitude toward the situation? if you are sure that you still love him and are in love with him, make sure he knows. you need to show him the care and affection you feel or he will never know. if you really love eachother, you will find a way to make it work.

another thing: you need to figure out why you shut down and shut your husband out. was it because you resented him for moving away? or something else....something deeper? he moved away only trying to stay closer to his family...exactly what you are trying to do. make sure you always consider not only your feelings, but his too.

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wifeyofrob: 10 months ago

my husband is on disability.he has epilepsy.last one caused a brain stroke.but and he does have brain damage.nobody would know that though.he has mood changes and he isnt exactly the same person he used to be when i met him.like he used to show more emotion during sex.he still does but he would rather do dirty all the time...and i guess that bothers me cause i need that emotion,the dosage of his medication has been upped and since then...theres been changes.he does show affection.i guess subconsciously i did resent him cause he does things without thinking it through.if something pops up in his brain he does it like moving 5 hours away.he actually left me twice before he moved.long story. but i guess i did resent him for the position he put me in.it wasnt fair.and i took it out on him.BUT i have always considered his feelings.always taken him back.always.i pushed him to show more emotion and in return i pushed him away by not giving him the affection he needed.ugh...i cant just let him go.we are good together.i just needed a little time to adjust.and now im back where i started and kicking myself because i want to be with him.i always have.i called him and told him i was sorry.i asked him to forgive me.when we got off the phone he just said bye which hurt.i texted him and told him goodnight sweet dreams and i love you and i didnt hear from him.which he moved march 1st and we have done this everynight we are away from each other.i know he was awake all nght....he has insomnia and didnt get up until 6pm yesterday. he loves his boys..while i was there we had them for a week..he was happy saying he had everything he wanted..he is a wonderful guy.i swear.i just want me and my son to go home(to him)

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lyynsiix3: 10 months ago

if he truly loves you he will understand that love will be hard on both parties at times, but you need to let all troubles go and just allow the love to happen. he cant resent you forever, and if he does, he doesn't deserve you and you need to find someone who will appreciate you for all you can give.

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lyynsiix3: 10 months ago

is he really just hurt or is he trying to end the relationship? need to find out how he is truly feeling.

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Answer 2

jennifer108: 10 months ago

You're the only one who can answer why you did those things but a you can call him again or talk to him face to face and say you're sorry again and you want to live together but you want to be with your grandkids. Maybe you can stay at his house for a week then at your house for a week and so on.

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wifeyofrob: 10 months ago

there is a 5 hour distance

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jennifer108: 10 months ago

If you love each other and kids enough it won't matter the distance. Or you can Skype with each other.

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DebW: 10 months ago via iPhone

Your husband left you and moved to be closer to his kids. And expects you to leave your kids to be with him. Doesn't seem right to me. I hope you can work it out.

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wifeyofrob: 10 months ago

that about sums it up.

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winetastergirl: 10 months ago

I don't even understand how a married couple would make a choice to live in separate locations. I don't understand why you didn't move with him. Did he not want you to go, or did you choose to stay behind? In my opinion it doesn't seem like there is really anything holding this relationship together if you both could even make a conscious decision to choose other people (family members) over your own marriage. That being said, you need to ask him specific questions to make sure that what he is saying is the only issue. Get together for a cup of coffee and find out if he is willing to work through these issues, and if not, why?

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