Leave, if there's already been so many disappointments, betrayals, and just plain lying, don't put yourself through it anymore. If you know that they are a lost case (or if you're denying it) just leave, because they don't need to bring you (your kids, family) down with them.
If you really care about this person and dont want to see them go through this alone talk to them about the addiction and get the person through rehab and be with them no matter what... If you dont really love or care about this person leave... Its up to you and the person in trouble... God luck
If I loved my partner, I would get him all the help he or she needed. If I was sick of it I would tell Him/her, that its me or the drugs and move out for awhile.
sounds like you've been dealing with this for yrs....at this point i would leave. you cant help someone who duznt wanna help himself. he's got to want to himself...and sometimes that means losing everything (including loved ones) to send them 2 rock bottom.
It depends on the addiction n how long u been with ur partner if u been together for a very long time i will put my partner in a rehab if he wanna keep his family he would go if not then i would leave him alone with no regrets because u did ur part u tried to get him some help instead of leaving him for dead after all the bs u been through with him u cant help nobody who doesnt want to help himself it will be hard but i would do whats best for my kids n myself its all up to you get him some help but if he refuse the help then i would leave him alone drug addictions are no joke
You're absolutely right you know...Rehab immediately or no family immediately.. I've tried everything I can think (mainly for the kids sake). Being nice,understanding,gentle,& then,furious,frustrated & at my wits end does nothing to deter him. So, you're right, he's either off to rehab or off out my house. This cant continue, I have a 13yr old son that isn't stupid & I'm NOT having him figure it out. It would destroy me. Thanks for taking the time to give such a great answer, it's appreciated & I needed some reinforcement :)
I think that if you love them, then you should at least make the effort to try and get them help. However if they absolutely refuse, then I don't think that leaving is unreasonable. No one should have to stay in a situation like that, and we can only do so much for those who refuse to help themselves. I've unfortunately known too many people who've hit rock bottom and it still wasn't enough to wake them up. Sometimes you just have to let go, especially when there are children involved.
Drugs?
Dumped.
'Nuf said.
I would help them. Try and be understanding. Try and help them out of the hole they've dug and fell into. It would be a long and difficult journey, but no one would be able to do it by themselves.
Regardless of the type of drug your loved one is involved in, you will learn a great deal at Ala-non, from what I have been told.
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You must learn to detach and tell them so, but in the right way. You have to let them hit bottom, I guess, but also protect yourself. That means not letting then steal from you, not allowing them to use where you live as a place to flop. Save yourself. Detach.
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What's her name that was on the tv show "sex and the city" was with Robert Downy Jr. for years & years (my mom told me about this) long before she married "Ferris Bueller". She finally had to let him go and move on because of his addiction. No doubt he was the love of her life. Imagine what she might have gone through ... Sara Jessica Parker.
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What you need to realize is that a guy will sell his body to get drugs, if there are any takers. It happens. He might be injecting that stuff into his veins. There is no telling what crazy stuff he is doing and has done that puts you at risk. Do not let anyone into that stuff steal one more day of your life.
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Addiction only gets worse. Look around your house. Are there odds and ends missing? Misplaced? The strangest things gone? You wonder what happened to them? It could be anything ... clothing, kitchen items, costume jewelry, collectibles, tools. It was stolen and sold for cents on the dollar so a junkie to get what they want. These people have friends that they network with to get unto people's homes to rip them off a little at a time. They keep coming back like vermin that you try to keep out if your house. If they have a key to your house, they will give it to someone else to use while they accompany you elsewhere.
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Tell me, does any of this ring true? When your stuff started disappearing did they say "you're crazy!"? Did you think it was just your imagination because so much of it does not make sense? You are not alone. People get their businesses broke into and all that was taken was a pack of Red Bull. That is what these crazy meth junkies do. And chances are they pick up other drug habits too.
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God bless you. I will pray for you that you will be safe and find peace. The Good Lord loves you and loves that you are such a caring person. He knows what you are going through and wants victory for you.
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Go to Ala-non. They can help you detach yourself in a way that is healthy for you. Again, I have not been there but I know that it will be a good thing for any family member whose life has been impacted by a loved one who is using alcohol or any other drug. It hurts the people around them. Their family & friends. :-)
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The patterns that your children see they are likely to repeat. Create a new & better life for your children without them being exposed to him right now. If it was just you and him, and you decided to stay, that would be okay. But your children do not have a choice so it is up to you to choose for them. What if your son starts using? He sees what is going on. Pretty soon he is going to think that it is normal behavior. Even kids who do not like what their parents are doing will sometimes join them. Stop the cycle. Best wishes!
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. If your partner can't say no to the drugs & you have been in this situation for a time you should try to do something-anything-different. Go to an Al Anon meeting. It's for loved ones dealing with an alcoholic and/or drug addict. I was in a similar situation. When I realized my partner's son was suffering from my partner's addiction, I called it quits. I kept the son and kicked out my partner. If you find yourself in a similar situation and your partner won't leave, take your children & go to a family member's home. That alone might scare your partner into the bottom & start getting clean. If it doesn't, start a new life. It's hard, I know. I don't know the ages of your children but don't let them see that this is acceptable behavior. As they get older they will either stay away from drugs or try them in the hope they might understand your partner. They deserve better and so do you. You don't realize the emotional & mental stress this is putting on you & your children until it's gone, but not forgotten. Get your strength for children. Please do something different before you're scarred with this. I did it & I know you can too. Be strong.
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Congratulations on what you were able to do! That is success in my eyes. Not money, or a particular career, but a mom who pulled through like you! You are a hero.
Drug addiction is deemed a disease. It's destructive and debilitating to the person inflicted and to the family and friends involved.
Get help for your loved one .. at least try to .. Sometimes a person who is inflicted experiences denial .. which makes 'getting help' that much more difficult. There are many factions that help with this condition and can provide you with information.
If you want to conquer and do something proactive and help someone who can't help themselves .. Educate yourself on what to do and how to go about it.
My @$$!!
It was a frikkin CHOICE.
I'd bail.
As per the American Society of Addiction Medicine:
While it is clear that genetics plays an important role in the spectrum of drinking behaviors, existing studies on alcohol dependence (alcoholism) show that it is a complex disease involving both genetic and environmental variables. The scientific consensus at present is that there are multiple neurotransmitters and multiple genes which influence the responses to alcohol, the manifestations of alcohol dependence, and the risk for developing the disease.
http://www.livescience.com/15563-addiction-defined-brain-disease.html
I like what you said and I agree with you. For sure some people have a biological pre-disposition for certain addictions. Like drinking. Me, my brothers, my family - we can take it or leave it. None of us drink beer because it does not taste good to us. We are not into booze.
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For sure it is a disease because the threat of jail time will not stop a drunk from drinking. We read about it in the newspaper all the time, and hear it in the news. They go right back to it because they cannot stop themselves. I don't get it but it must true.
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So parents! Do not provide alcohol to under age kids or their friends even if you are keeping an eye on them and supervising. It is wrong and against the law. Also some of those kids might have heredity working against them. Giving them a drink is like lighting a fuse, starting a chain of events that will affect the rest of their life. Don't do it.
I have been where you are!! I was there for a very long time!! But, I hung in there because I knew he needed me the most during this time. He has been clean for a year now. It's very hard and it changed me completely. If you love him help him! Drugs are a nasty thing and I'm pretty sure if and when he can stop he will!! Things will get better! He'll come around eventually. It may drive you crazy in the mean time but just remember that it'll be worth it in the end. Keep encouraging him to stop. I hope for you and your kids this ends for you how it ended for us! Just keep praying and stay sane!!!
