Ive experienced both sides with my husbands daughter. always called her my daughter. always told her i love her like my own child, but her mother will always be her mother & im not trying to replace her. encouraged comm. w/ her bio mom, but she doesnt want to have much to do with her. Things were great the 1st few yrs. i now realize I was trying to make up for things her bio mom had not done for her. almost 6 yrs later she's 15 yrs old, and id rather her not live with us. (a lot of this is the age -teenagers!! ). Shes disrespectful, lies, cheats, trashy w/ boys online (prior to us taking her iPod away) & i feel that shes a terrible influence on our 5yr old!! Im finding it VERY hard to live with her! We've had the same rules, & provided the same stable home environment for her for the last 5+ yrs. i dont know whats changed, & when i ask her, she can't give me an answer. Maybe some of her mothers genes are starting to show up in her behavior, idk... What i do know is that its TERRIBLY HARD when 2 adults love one another, & theres a child in the middle causing chaos!! You said dont sugarcoat, & be honest! This, as harsh as it may sound, is honest!
It is dependent on both the parents and the children. In some homes, the children are very receptive to the step parents and they admire and eventually love them as if they were their own parents. However, in other, the reverse is true.
gIt can go both ways and from what I've read and witness its mostly bad. From what I've read and what I witness the step parent didn't want to be called mom or dad by the stepchild and make it known and when referring to the child they are quick to say my children and add this is my stepchild. My girlfriend had a royal hiss fit for weeks when part of her income when to child support for his kids. love NO
In a step-parent situation, BOTH parents must be on board with the parenting techniques that they will use. You can't be a step-mom or step-dad and always have to be constantly tip-toeing on egg shells about what to do. I understand that there are a lot of adults that aren't good at parenting and they don't know how to handle situations all the time, BUT kids these days are worse than ever, so if the kid isn't willing to try and cooperate to make things work then there is little to none that the step-parent can do to change that. It seems to me that the kids tend to get a chip on their shoulder about this stuff which is unfair to the parents b-cuz all they want is to try and live a happy life.
It depends on what kind of person you are and the step-child is. My farther's second partner had HUGE problems with my mother and liked to take it out on me. She also really badly wanted a daughter and instead got three sons. She let me know about that too. Me being a five year old girl got fed up with it and wrote her a letter in the neatest writing I could. It went something like this: Dear Pam I hate you. From Elicia When I turned thirteen she decided that she 'loved' me because she wanted to 'bond' with me and go shopping with me. I milked that cow for all she was worth.
On the other side, my mothers second husband loved me and our relationship was fine apart from this feeling I always had in my gut that he was a really bad man. A few years later it was apparent he WAS a really bad man. My mothers current partner, I adore and we have a really good relationship. It's more of a friendship and we understand each other. :)