A total and permanent schizophrenic breakdown or crack up. Sometimes I think I'm dancing on the edge of some psychological abyss. But if it happens, I suppose I have no one to blame but myself. Speaking metaphorically, I can smell and hear what is beyond that "edge'' but I dare not take a look to SEE it, for when I do that is when I'll stumble and fall or "something" will grab me and pull me over. Not pleasant, but the siren songs keep me dancing. However some of the stuff floating around in my head, could give me ideas for novels or screenplays that could conceivably rival anything by Stephen King or that other author "who shall not be named".
Getting older and older and older till i can barely walk, lose my mental faculties, and have to take about 30 pills a day just to stay alive, need a machine to breath, and every fall breaks something and requires a long stay in hospital.