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How do you handle a 4 year old boys tantrum?

I've done a lot of reading on this. I've followed a lot of tips. I apply them and some work. He goes through phases. No tantrums for a while then 2 or 3 a day for a while. I'm just throwing this out there to see if I get any advice I haven't heard yet. He doesn't hurt himself. Just screams and throws toys around his room.

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I know what it is like to combat the temper tantrums! My 5 year old daughter has sensory issues and a slight delay. It is so easy for others to judge you negatively for your CHILD's actions when he/she appears perfectly normal! I had to work to prove that it wasn't just my parenting skills to blame for her behavior. Don't hesitate to contact your physician to inquire about local public services/evaluations that are available (often free) in order to rule out this possibility.
Routine and consistency are VERY important to children with tantrums. I agree that you can't "reward" behavior that should be expected anyway... that will actually lead to more tantrums! But you can "take away" expected acts. Find activities that he really enjoys, and create a "fun time" at end of the day and one for the week. Let him become used to and look forward to these activities. Then explain after a couple weeks that this activity will be taken away and replaced with an UNDESIRABLE activity (such as going to bed an hour early during "fun time") if he throws tantrums during that day. Set a goal for the week and proceed the same way. Give this some time and it WILL work! :)

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Oh, and a great resource book to read is "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey. Hope this all helps!
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I'll check it out. That does help, thanks.
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To manage controlling a 4 year old boy's tantrum, you should try and avoid instances that may trigger it. Practice calming tools when your child is not upset, and try to diffuse the tantrum before it starts. Check out http://www.ehow.com/how_4730373_handle-childs-temper-tantrum.html for more information.

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Its not a matter of avoiding instances. It when I tell him its time to do something. Pick up toys, take a bath, go to bed. These things are unavoidable.
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Let him know that it is not okay. First time, all his toys get removed from his room. If he can go a week with no tantrums he gets one toy back. If he throws a tantrum at any point all toys get removed again and you start over.

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I'll try this
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Too much work and negative-ness. I can't imagine constantly keeping track of, removing and replacing toys. Seems harsh & exhausting! But hey- whatever works for you! ?
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So called harsh measures are what is needed for tantrums. Instead of little punishments repeatedly, one big one to end the problem.
As for too much work? One toy a week isn't exactly a toughy.
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I like what this couple did on some TV show about troublesome kids. They stripped down their rooms and they had to start by earning their beds and whatnot.
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That's basically what I'm saying, just a little less because of the age. But a teenager? Heck yeah.
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True it seems VERY useful. I'll try it on my brother.
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THIS APPROACH DOES NOT WORK.WE HAVE 2 BOYS 1& 1/2 YEAR APART.
WE HAVE STRIPED THERE ROOMS OF EVERYTHING AFTER THE 2ND TIME OF DOING THIS THEY DID NOT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT ANYTHING WE DID OR TOOK AWAY FROM THEM.THE ONLY THING IT DID WAS MAKE THEM " IN A CHILD'S TERMS " HATE YOU AND CAUSE MORE REBELLING FROM THE CHILD
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It works for everyone else. As for "hating" you... Crap, all children say that sometimes.
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He may not understand some emotions he's experiencing and because kids always want their way but they need to learn it's not always the case buy it's not the end of the world.. Distraction can help

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How do you distract him when all I'm trying to do is get him to pick up toys?
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Spank him

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We do that. When the situation calls for it.
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I went into a child care class and in the end it is less beneficial to hit a child or punish them in such a hard way. They may eventually start to act out when they realize it doesn't hurt. I raised my little sister on my own ever since she was born and she is the most perfect child I could imagine. Instead of hitting talk to them and explain the situation calmly. If they do not listen counting down worked for me and leaving them alone will show them that it isn't helpful to throw tantrums. Also, praise them when they work through those situations better than normal. Giving lots of affection for good behavior is better than angry punishment for bad behavior.

Sorry for such a long post! I just really don't appreciate hitting children. I have never been hit nor have I ever hit my little girl.
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Hitting him only relieves your frustration. It does nothing to help your son other than giving him pain & teaching him hitting is OK
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Spanking encourages your child to hit others (including you) when they do not do what he wants them to do.
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those comments are not true. i was spanked as a child and NEVER got the idea it was good to hit from it. saying that spanking a child relieves frustration is a completly cowardice thing to say.
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THAT'S CRUEL!!!!! They're kids! Babies! Toddlers!
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Hi- I'm no expert, but i have raised 3 boys and currently have a huge hand in raising my 5 yr old grandson. All i can relate to you are tips that help/ed me, ok? Four is still very young. They're just emerging from being 'babies' to little boys. Part of them wants to cling hard to the comforts of babyhood, but there is an overwhelming instinct to be a big boy. As the saying goes- there is a time for seasons... At the appropriate times, lots of secure cuddling and at other times, they greatly need to strive for independence. I've found that simple tasks like picking up toys, helping with mealtimes, etc give them a sense of worth and choices. Help him to do this with tons of praise. What to wear today? Potatoes or rice for dinner? When his frustration kicks in, sitting alone for a time-out conveys inappropriate behavior. Then talking about it (briefly) helps him to understand. Throws toys? The toy is put up until he will treat it right. Prepare him ahead of time for outings & discuss expectations. Lots of praise for being a 'big boy'. Being 4 is hard work. Are you teaching him phonics? A great gift! Good luck & hang in there.

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No I'm not teaching him phonics. Not sure how.
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Start by teaching the alphabet, uppercase/lower case. Then teach the sounds each letter makes. Teach him the vowels, a e i o u. Teach that some letters have 2 sounds ( g, c, all vowels long & short.) read a lot with him. Do simple addition & subtraction. You'll be amazed at how fast he gets it. My boys were reading at about 1st-2nd grade level entering kindergarten. Please know i'm not bragging, cuz EVERY child is capable! This is a prime time to teach- plus, it gives them a real source of pride. These are just examples. My kids later thanked me for teaching them! The key is phonics. Best wishes!
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Oh, yes we already do that stuff. He could have gone into kindergarten this year but we decided to wait.
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jpink2
Sue, I studied early childhood education and worked in that field for many years, you gave excellent advise. I bet you were a great hands on mom :)
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Aww, that's nice of you- thank you! Doing the same with Dillon now. Ck an old utube 'dillon likes jack'. About 2 yrs ago.
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There has to be a consequence for bad behavior and that has to be something the child really wants very badly to be removed. The parent need to stay calm. This equals that these are house rules. If that means emptying the whole bedroom of stuff except his bed then do it. Let him earn it back one by one with good behavior. For every day that goes by with no tantrum he gets something back his choice ( it will show you what he values most) When he has a tantrum he gets the most valued taken back. He has to be aware of what the consequence is so he can choose his behaviors.

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jpink2

Sue (above) gave great advice. Helping him to have more choices and power over his daily decisions makes a big difference. Giving warnings is an excellent way to help him understand consequences of his behavior, and helps you set boundaries. You said you have done some research online, I would recommend lookinging into "The circle of security" studies. It is very helpful in understanding the balance of what children need from us, and how we can provide a secure base for them to go out and explore and come back to us safely. If he is getting mixed signals, it could trigger insecurity and more tantrums. Good luck :)

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First, you can't reason with him during a tantrum. Don't even try.
He should have some value in certain items by the age of four. Dessert, games, TV, etc. Tell him that he will lose <something> for <number of days> if he acts that way. Let him know it's his choice, does he keep <something> or lose it for his behavior? Always stick to the punishment, even if you feel sorry for invoking it. Children that age will push the limits and test the boundaries. If you "say what you mean and mean what you say" then he will learn eventually.

The key is to be consistent and firm.

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We try this now. It feel more like bribing though and it gets old. He doesn't respond well to this.
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I totally agree with Sue2013

I went into a child care class and in the end it is less beneficial to hit a child or punish them in such a hard way. They may eventually start to act out when they realize it doesn't hurt. I raised my little sister on my own ever since she was born and she is the most perfect child I could imagine. Instead of hitting talk to them and explain the situation calmly. If they do not listen counting down worked for me and leaving them alone will show them that it isn't helpful to throw tantrums. Also, praise them when they work through those situations better than normal. Giving lots of affection for good behavior is better than angry punishment for bad behavior.

Sorry for such a long post! I just really don't appreciate hitting children. I have never been hit nor have I ever hit my little girl.

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Often kids act out for the attention because they get more attention by being "bad"than when they're behaving. Have you tried behavior modification?It worked when my son was a toddler. I would praise him the second he did something positive. When he misbehaved I'd ignore him, not even making eye contact. Its not easy to watch him (through the corner of your eye) while he tries everything to get your attention. The second he stops the tantrum, praise and hug him. Soon he'll be seeking out attention for being good. In order for it to work, you must be consistent.

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Give him candy, everybody loves candy!!! :)

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Positive reinforcement works wonders. If all else fails there is always the military academy!

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Make sure his first meal of the day is high in protein, no waffles/pancakes/syrup/Poptarts.

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My daughter started having tantrums @ the age of 2 1/2 after my mother-in-law used her room for a week. I almost took her to a Psychologist. It is hard to cope w/ this behavior. A timeout should work, just don't reward the child in his/her room. Taking all toys out and returning them one at a time is a good idea. Let the child's Pediatrician know about the behavior and what the doctor suggests!

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when i was a kid my parents would take away toys for a little while, the most valuable ones to me first. or spank the child and put him in a timeout.

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put him in the school early times so he won't angry to parents.. let him socialize with peoples in outside and friends

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You should check your child's diet. He may be experiencing a reaction to certain foods. Temper tantrums are one of the signs of this. Read Dr. Amen's work to find out more.

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when he is freaking out if you can get him to at least look you in the eyes when you are telling him to calm down or no or to do something he doesnt want to do he will take you seriously and do what you need him to... it works sometimes for me idk y

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I was raised by my grandmother in Alabama. There is no doubt my childhood was filled with love from her, however she firmly believed that to spare the rod is to spoil the child. I have 3 children of my own, ages 8, 6 and 4. I love them dearly,yet I will not argue with them nor tolerate out of control children. Give him love, patience and when possible, understanding. If he still seems intent on running over you, bust his ass, because to spare the rod is to spoil the child. Behavior modification works.

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I helped raise my step-daughter from the age of 3 and I firmly believe that boys need to be disciplined differently than girls. I don't by any means beat my son but occasional spanking for certain bad behavior is acceptable. I know the difference between him being frustrated and tired or when hes just disobeying and pushing his limits. I have been told I'm a great parent many times and thank god I'm not to the point of pulling out my hair with his tantrums. They just baffle me how random and out-of-the blue they can be.
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Ignore him! close his bedroom door leaving him alone with no audience. When the tantrum is over make him clean up the mess he has made. Be calm but firm about it. Anything broken is NOT replaced! Let him know it is not acceptable behavior but if he wishes to behave in such a manner it will be in his room and alone! My Nephew and my one daughters were tantrum throwers, holding their breath etc. The tantrums stopped the minute they realized it was not having the desired result...getting them attention and their way. Drs advise was good. If they hold their breath long enough they will pass out and then breathe normally ..so ignore them! It works!

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