Like almost everything in human relationships, it's about your attitude in doing so. A parent may make teaching a child to clean his room seem like fun and games, so while it's manipulative it certainly isn't abusive. On the other hand a husband who lowers his wife's self esteem by endlessly finding error in everything she does is being both manipulative and abusive. Heck, even loving and catering to someone so much that that can't function without that help is abusive. It's not a black and white thing.