I know it's long but PLEASE read and help
five years ago, the day after my eighth birthday I was mad at my mom and told her I hated her. the next morning I found my dad crying in the living room and he said "mommy left and isn't coming back". I saw her every Thursday at my grandmas house and eventually she stopped showing up. last year I called my grandparents and asked if I could go to their house (I haven't seen them since the year after my mom left) and they said "no, life's been better without you" and hung up. i don't see or hear from any of my moms side of the family and haven't for four years. over the years I found out that my mom cheated on my dad and lied about going to work (she was seeing her secret boyfriend when she was supposed to be at work) and had a baby with that man (the baby is my half brother who I have seen once when he was one and he is now six years old) she took all of my college money and my dads retirement money and left us with nothing. when we were on vacation she used her key and came into our house to take "her" things and money. she left my half brothers father and is with another man. in court she didn't fight for me, she only wanted the money. and more things that I don't wish to post publicly as they are very emotional and I'm just not comfortable saying. ever since this happened I've been depressed and very emotional, have cut myself and thought of suicide many times (my boyfriend talked me out of it every time). I feel like its my fault and I feel unwanted and unloved. I can't trust anyone and have a fear of being alone and left. is there someone I can see (cheap because we are very poor) to help me before I kill myself? PLEASE help, I can't think straight because I can't forget that tragedy. please.