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how do you express yourself after letting your emotions bottle up from years ?

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Bottling up feelings is extremely unhealthy. Talk to a counselor either online or face to face or verbally on phone. Ur never alone. There is ALWAYS someone who will help

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I am but I still cant get it out
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i play my guitar

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Playing drums has good therapy for me for 50 years
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Thats 'has been'
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Cry

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Get counseling.

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I write. Always have. Once it's out of my head and on paper I feel better. Feel like the weight of the issues is gone once it's on paper.

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Thats a long time

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