Could you please give me some comments on this song that i wrote? i like it, but i dunno if its ready to be made into something great yet.
okay here it is:
Thoughts of treason; Still no reason, to regret in which I confide. I am dead; You're alive. as I rot, you will thrive
As you suffer, I will too. You and I must see us through. When I dream I see your face; Our ideals will seal my fate.
You, you, you and I. We ascend into the light. without sin. without lies. I invoke your paradise.
CHORUS: I, keep my faith; And yet, these others; They stray away.
Now my soul is ripped in two. Part of me in part of you. You have taught me to be wise; Shown me Hell and eternal life.
I, I, I will die. With your love;By your side. I am yours, and you are mine. But your comfort I must hide.
CHORUS: You, take my hate, but still, like brothers, we are the same.
I pay the price for all that you take from me, but I take solace in my misery. You are happy; You are carefree. I love you, and you love me. Together- we suffer. Together- we rejoice. Forever- we are one. your spirit; My vision.
END: No sane man will ever see, the turmoil inside of me. This secret that I confide, in me... myself... and I.