Submit a question to our community and get an answer from real people.
Submit
ikrose

How can I make him talk to me again?

My ex broke up with me over a stupid fight over a joke he made I didn't like. This happen all so sudden. Now he broke all contact with me for to him I am a stalker, obsessive and mentally ill only because I was trying to give my side and trying my best so he wont leave. I really love him of all my heart but besides that he is my most best friend. We click like that.

He is moving in the first week of October and refuses to talk to me at all. Today in the mail I got back the 2 teddy bears and pocket watch I gave him. He is so stubborn and hates it when he doesn't get his way. Sorry if this sounds mean of me to say but he is a selfish coward who runs away when something isn't the way he wants it to be. He once broke a great friendship he had with one of his friends only cause his friend isn't as religious as he is.

I don't give up that easy and for this guy I am not gonna give up for I want a future with him. The problem is I'm running out of ideas on what to do.

Please help?

Report as

Oh honey, you can't fix the many issues this dude has! He needs professional counseling for that.
Sounds like he was just waiting for an opportunity to walk away.
I know you love him but you really can't loose something you never really had.
Guys like this are emotional vampires. They move from girl to girl, taking all she has to give, then they bounce.
Consider yourself lucky that he didn't take more than your heart.
Call a therapist for yourself today!
Examine why you would let someone like this into your life. You are better than this and if you don't know that now, a therapist can help you see the light. They will also help with the sadness and emotions you're feeling too.
Do it today.
Let this one go !!

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (11)
Report as
ikrose
I'm the 3rd girlfriend he had. Is first girlfriend was 5 years ago and I think she help mess him up. She used him to do things he didn't want to, laughed in his face when he was sad and even slept with one of his good friends. He left his 2nd girlfriend for me but it didn't matter to her for they never clicked and that's why she wasn't even sad. She was glad he left for she know he was scared to ask me out in the first place and we both don't know why he asked her out in the first place.
Report as
I understand the need to feel empathy for him based upon what he's said about his past. However, at some point we all need to take responsibility for who we are in spite of what was done to us. He is not taking responsibility for his actions and by babying him, all you're doing is reinforcing this bad behavior!
He needs professional help and no matter what you do, it won't matter.
Please spend the time getting yourself together. By allowing someone like this into your life, it gives the message that you don't know what you are worth . This will continue to attract the losers like this guy.
Please get some help to better understand why you allow this to happen or you will face a lifetime of sorrow.
Report as
ikrose
Then I will have a life time of sorrow I don't care I don't even care if it leads to my death for I am not giving on him and if he wants to be a fool and not see it that's his problem. I know I am special cause I am one of God's children but this is something I can not let go.
Report as
Then he will drag you down and once you are empty he will leave you!
Please go talk to a therapist about this. I really know cause I lived it!
I married a man just like this. I felt the same way you did. 4 yes and 2 kids later, I woke up in the hospital and he was long gone. My kids and I needed years of therapy and to this day (23 yrs later), I am still fighting everyday to get back all I have lost.
Please girl! Talk to a professional!
You have so much to loose.
Report as
ikrose
Listen to me now I don't believe in therapist for all they do to me is mess with your head. I have been through something horrible in high school and I got through it without a therapist.
Report as
Ok how about a counselor or your church pastor? Anybody you trust that is trained to help?
I'm sorry you went thru a terrible ordeal in HS. A trauma can trigger many underlying issues which can set you up for just this type of guy to hurt you.
Please, trust someone who can help
Report as
Hi beachbaby please explain why these guys are like this and dont have empathy
Report as
Usually, they were exposed to one of the following during developmental years (4 thru 13):
Physical abuse, either to them or a witness to it
Sexual abuse, either to them or a witness to it
Abandonment by one or both parents
Death of one parent and the remaining unable to cope
Or some other trauma ( bad divorce of parents)
One or more of the above changes the way they view themselves and all others as they grow up.
Guys like the one in this post, usually have had issues with one or more women in their lives. This causes them to withhold their true feelings because of fear of pain again.
Unless a guy like this gets professional help to let go of this, it continues to manifest itself in self sabotaging behaviors like cheating,
Alcohol or drug dependence, abusive behaviors, etc.
Same happens to girls but usually they develop different outward behaviors than guys.
Either way, no matter what your childhood or where you came from, at some point a person needs to be responsible for themselves. Get help if you need it.
Hope that answers your question.
Report as
ikrose
I do know he have been to a mentalle hospital before and still kind of needs help for once he felt like jumping of the balcony at his apartment. Everytime there was something bothering or scaring him he would come to me for to him I am the only person he feels like he can trust. He did start drinking but some of his friends are to blame for that at least me and his father got him to go easier on it then before. He have told me a lot of times before that he is afraid that I will hurt him cause of that other girl. A lot of people in his life gave up on him and I know there is people he gave up on to but I'm not one of them who is gonna give up on him or stop fighting for him.
Report as
Thank you beachbaby. You know I notice that my boyfriend have his episodes of this everytime someone close to him breaks up with their girlfriends. He suddenly only sees my flaws and do not appreciates
Report as
ikrose
There is a saying I think I have wrote it before. I don't want someone who loves me for the good in me, I want someone who see's the bad and still wants me.
Report as
Add a comment...

You need to let it go and move on it's time

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (11)
Report as
you can not force someone to love you
Report as
I could not agree more you are just setting yourself up for more heartbreak then anything
Report as
ikrose
I have been through much worst but there is no way I am gonna stop fighting.
Report as
Honey you asked for advice I gave it I'm just telling you something you already know in your heart. It's time too move on
Report as
ikrose
I asked how can I get him to talk to me not how to forget about him.
Report as
I just gave you a answer that you know is true and you don't like. Grow up
Report as
ikrose
You grow up!
Report as
Well I'm done. There is nothing but children on here so
Report as
ikrose
No all on here is people that give up.
Report as
No honey I'm giving you the same advice as I will give my ten year old little girl in the near future so it's not about giving up it is about cutting your loses and learning from them. It is a part of growing up ask any female you meet if she has not done the same thing in her lifetime because we all have it is part of growing and as much as it hurts right now in time it fades the one day you will look back and reflect and realize that you were better to move on
Report as
ikrose
I don't want to someone else in my life and I don't want to move on so if it means I have to live alone for the rest of my life then so be it!
Report as
Add a comment...

What I would like to understand is if you say he is a selfish coward, do you really want him back? You need to consider that this may be beyond your fixing...do you love him or the idea of loving him?

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
ikrose
Yes I really want him back otherwise I wont be having nightmares or crying myself to sleep every night.
Report as
I'm not in love with anyone at the moment and I have hallucinatory nightmares because I'm sometimes an imsomniac, no offense but I would take any regular nightmare over my hallucinations that happen usually within 30 mins of going to sleep or 30 mins before waking up. I get physical/sensory sensations like the first time it happened I was in that state right before waking up and I heard someone climb up the side of my bed and all of sudden started screaming and doing CPR on my neck. But once I get out of my bedroom and do things I like to do I'm not in fear anymore. And crying is good, it helps you get over emotional stress so you can become stronger. But if your crying all the time then I think you're making yourself cry, find other stuff to take your mind off him (see I'm not saying move on, even though that's kinda what I'm suggesting, I'm just telling you what I did and just distract your self with other things, probably the most distracting thing is television (try doing math work with it on) if you like to watch it, I probably watch way more than I should (Adult Swim) but it's funny and enjoyable so I don't care.)
Report as
Add a comment...

I'm sorry for what happened to you but you also have to understand all good things come to an end. You can't pin this on him even though you may want to get back together with him.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...
wwtthh

you can't make him talk to you! and i really don't see why you would want to! i think he did you a great favor, by walking away! i know it hurts, but let him keep on walking! you'll find someone who loves you for you! who will listen,care,love,tend to your needs, when it's time! but for now,let it go,take time to heal,for "time heals all wounds!" first love your self,in time,someone will love you!

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
ikrose
I don't want anyone else and for some reason no one wants to get that in their head.
Report as
well so far i would say time heals most things sept certain addictions or habits, and time made life less magical by putting me through puberty to see life for what it really is, boring, sept for the stuff you have the slightest bit of interest in. Seriously if there was a way to both make a time machine and disable whatever causes puberty I would go back to 10 years old or younger in a heart beat. I mean all the way up to puberty life was like crack or something addictive then puberty hit and it was like I was on a really long lasting energy drink that just decided to completely wear off lol.
Report as
Add a comment...

Well one of friends said to cry because it makes him feel bad.. An then he will hugg up an talk to you.. But it might dont work if he been mad at you to long..

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
ikrose
Cry does work with him so when broke up with me he did in an e-mail for he knows when I start crying he will feel guilty.
Report as
well if that works send a voice mail lol
Report as
Add a comment...

You will never for the rest of your life ever in any way be able to make someone do anything. People will only do what they are willing to do.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Don't feed his ego just by running after him and I don't understand why you need to love a guy like this. I mean, you said that he broke a great friendship simply because this guy friend of his not as religious as he is, for whatever that has meant. Do you see the point there? This guy can't and does not have any capability to handle things and situations if they don't happen or realized the way he wanted it to be. Life is not like that. Most of the time what happens in our life will be against our will, this is so to test our strength of character. And by the way you have described your boyfriend on your post, he is a man who does not have any skills to handle a good relationship regardless if its romantic or friendship. I suggest that you just completely forget this guy and find someone BETTER, a real man with strength of character.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

My boyfriend is the same exact person. We've been together for three years. What happened to you happened to me exactly, so what I did is I moved out and we didn't talk or see each other for a month then he realized that he was wrong. From my experience I have learned that if you push yourself more to him he will push you away from him more. But if you give him his space and pretend that you can live Without him then he will realize things and come back to you. "Love yourself first and he will absolutely Love you more". I know it's very hard because you love him but trust me it works.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (11)
Report as
ikrose
I haven't talk to him in two weeks after he made the desicion for me to break all contact. The last time we talk he told me to find a guy I can depend on. I've been asked out 2 times now after that and I said no to both of those guys. I try my best to be stronge and thing positve but I've been kicked the ground so many times in my life that it's hard for me to think positive in any way. I've been bullied, people knows I'm sensitive so they like to play with my emotions and I have a father that emotional abuse me.
Report as
I know how you feel, on those times we were broken up it was painful
So I have to prove myself that I can live without him, theres guys who asked me out too, and even im a stick to one conservative girl, I went out there and gave myself a chance to forget him and enjoy the fun of dating. I was very emotional too and it's very hard to think rational because our emotions takes over our mind. But going out with family, friends and dating helps me take my mind off him.
Report as
ikrose
Tell me why should I give up on him? Why should I give up on someone who makes me happy no matter what he did?

There is a saying that is my favorite: I don't want someone who sees only the good in me, I want someone who sees the bad and still wants me.

I see the bad, flaws and mistakes still I'm in love with him. I see the problems he have and what it make of him but never never have I ever told him that I am dissapointed in him I want to show him that there is someone who will support him and will love him no matter what.
Report as
For now you're only option is to let him be, give him space and take care of yourself. If you don't agree in dating that's fine. Just spend time with somebody like friends and family etc. Talk to somebody, the more you vent and cry the more you will feel better and heal. How old are you guys anyways?
Report as
ikrose
I am 20 and he is 21. Age doesn't have to do with anything about how you feel about a person. It really annoys me when you tell someone your in love and they they say stuff like it's only a crush cause your so young. Age doesn't matter.
Report as
"I see the problems he have and what it make of him but never never have I ever told him that I am dissapointed in him I want to show him that there is someone who will support him and will love him no matter what." man I wish you were my girlfriend lol. but that statement is basically what I always thought when I was in love but the thing is if he isn't feeling the same way by a few weeks or month it just doesn't matter nothing you do is going to fix it, it'll only get worse sorry for negativity it's just my personal experience
Report as
o and if you really want to kill that love either don't be sober or go sleep deprivation to the max as your brain will be tired and your heart will praying for the sleep your not giving it but I only recommend doing that until you can live without him as it is unhealthy and as a matter of fact i've been up since 10 oclock last night (im a night owl but not for the love reason more cuz I'm nuts and don't have a sleep schedule) idk why i'm on here besides waiting for an answer to a computer question.
Report as
ikrose
You wish I was your girlfriend? Why? Cause I am supportive?
Report as
yeah lol and the love him no matter what part
Report as
ikrose
Well that is how I am. I am a person who doesn't give up on the people I love. I am very protective over these people and don't allowe that someone mess with them. I am a very sensitve person but the one thing that ticks me off is when you hurt someone I love then there comes another side out no body would think I would ever have.

I always told him he is my special guy for he is special in my eyes and God's eyes. The problem is he never liked it when I called him my special guy for he said he is afraid he will dissapoint me and so far he never have done that. He mite have but I never seen it.
Report as
I'm agnostic. ( a person who holds that the existence of the ultimate cause, as God, and the essential nature of things are unknown and unknowable, or that human knowledge is limited to experience. - dictionary.com or in my point of view there may or may not be a God or gods - polytheistic) Anyways I consider it disappointing and kinda childish that he broke up with you over a joke (what kind of joke was it? - I'm guessing dirty) when he could of just been like whatever and continued with the relationship. He can further disappoint you if he starts dating someone else. I'm just letting you know what you're up against. Then again you can always try to develop your powers of persuasion in any way to use on him to get him back I'm just not guaranteeing anything because it depends on what he's into and his personality.
Report as
Add a comment...

Try talking to him and if he doesn't want to, you need to move on.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (3)
Report as
ikrose
Have tried that how many times. What is it with you people and moving on.
Report as
I know that my comment may sound extremely pessimistic to you and heck I would have thought that too 6 months ago while I was dating my jerk of a boyfriend.You see, I had a problem with my boyfriend too. I tried to talk to him after he broke up with me to see why, but he just kept pushing me away. I still don't know why he broke up with me but I've moved on (or at least tried to).
Report as
It's what you gotta do, I've done it plus it's their loss anyways.
Report as
Add a comment...

Don't call him, just wait, if he doesn't respond distract yourself from him by doing other things you like to do or like previous people have said, say yes to another boy who is asking you out you never know you might find if you pay attention to that person they really are interesting to you and possibly care about you way more than your previous boyfriend. Love exists till the end of days, there's no rule saying it has to reside in one person or thing. And yes thing, because I have found love in doing whatever it is I love to do. Anyways good life to you I just don't recommend wasting more time than you should worrying about some guy who might no longer care about you.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
ikrose
Listen if I have to be alone till I die then I will do it no matter how stupid it sounds to you people. I mite be only 20 for I know I'm still young but this is what I really want. Other guys can do whatever they want to get me to go out with them but I'm not gonna for my heart belongs to only one man.
Report as
well I just turned 20 yesterday... lol
Report as
Add a comment...
Do you have an answer?
Answer this question...
Did you mean?
Login or Join the Community to answer
Popular Searches