"A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris."
this one: a blonde decides she's going to hang herself. but after she did , a guy goes up to see her, and she's hung by her leg. he says, "why did you hang yourself by the leg?" she responds, "well I tried doing it by my neck, but I couldn't breathe!"