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Can you tell me if I am being silly? So this guy I really care about and have known for years grandfather recently passed away, and he ..

was to call me after the funeral because he got a several hours leave pass to travel home to attend. But he didn't give me any times and our time differences are vast, so I tried to look up his funeral notice because I have known his grandparents names and other family names from him since we first met. I couldn't find the right names, but found one with the last name right, first wrong, and it was his granddads, he lied to me about his grampies 1st name all these years. It is bothering me, should I be upset?

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His grandpa might have went by the name he gave you. Some people use their middle name or are given a nickname but their legal name is used for legal documents and important events. Ask your friend about it, and don't let this bother you without knowing the whole story.

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He told me Liam was his grampies nickname short for the name William that he told me was his grampies first name. And in the funeral notice no second name was given. I was sort of hoping it was that too. I don't know how to bring it up to him, I have to wait maybe 3 weeks to do it. I just don't want to have this building up in me by the time I do discuss it, because I don't like heated phone talks at all, that is the time to share and enjoy each other not to nitpick away. Thank you.
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I wouldn't let it bother you. It's a trivial matter and as long as he doesn't lie to you again, I'd let this one go.
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I'm not sure what you found his real name to be but I know that billy or bill are different variations of the name William and I think there are more but I'm not sure what they are.
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I think that is prolly what most feel, I was over reacting on it and I shouldn't hold it against him. But I have trust issues so that means more to me and prolly why I hold onto it. I have 3 weeks to move on, life will put new obstacles before me, and set this on the back burner, one day I may say what is your grampies middle name and see if he says his real first name as it. Thank you.
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Sorry Shmexy, your reply didn't show when I left my last one for Jango, I'll answer you now.

Not his grampies 1st name was very unique, not a name I ever even saw before as a man's name. Maybe a cultural name to where he is from or was born, I'm not sure, but no way William or Liam could come from that 1st name. Thing is the funeral notice didn't give any 2nd name, so I don't know what that would be, if there is one but no reason to be embarrassed or hide his grampies 1st name for over 5 yrs :( My heart sunk when I saw it, it was a weird feeling and you know when you love someone and they do something that disappoints you that weird pit you get in your tum, I had that and it made me sad.
Thank you.
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I dated a guy for almost a year, who lied to me about his last name. As soon as I found out, I broke up with him, in my mind I didn't want to be with someone who lied about something so minor, as his last name. Come to find out, he didn't want to tell me his "real" last name, because of his families history. I felt pretty bad for ending our relationship over something so silly as a last name. It's all up to you thou sweetie.

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I felt miserable and never let on to him when he called him, he even sensed something was up because he said are you okay,k you are being a little quiet, something happen. And I never said anything abut it to him because I felt it would be so b1tchy if I went on about that lie on the day of his grampies funeral. But you know how that kind of thing really begins to knaw at you. His grampies name is very unique but I always thought it was William, the name I told him I would like to have if I had a boy :( Liam for short. So I had that extra bit attached and when I saw the obit and the wrong first name I felt sad. I had friends say I was being childish and who cares it is such a little thing, but then if so little why did it hurt me to read the wrong name. *sighs* I am sorry about what you went through with your guy. I hate lies too, little or otherwise and he knows it. Did he think I would not look up the funeral notice? I feel like it will come out with him and in the worse of ways. Thank you for your reply :)
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Well right now the only important thing is, is your friend is grieving for the loss of a family member. My suggestion, is be there for him as a "friend" only. You don't want to put yourself out there anymore than that, until you get this whole "lie" sorted out. Best of luck to you.
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Thank you, that makes a lot of sense. I won't make his grieving worse, he cried on the phone about the service and no way was I to say then what was actually bothering me, he is a smart guy thou, he might have figured it out. And he prolly hopes I don't bring it up to him. I have 3 weeks to sort it all and resolve my issues before he and I can speak.
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Find out the reason first. Maybe his grandpa didn't want anyone to know.

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He always told me his grampies name was William. He told me his nan's proper name so why lie on just his grampies. Seems so odd, I saw the name and never once heard him ever mention that name to me. Thank you.
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Yea it's weird, no doubt. But don't be afraid to confront him about it :)
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Upset because he said he'd call you and didn't or upset about gramps' first name being different?
Neither should you be upset at him about. If he was at grampa's funeral he was busy with family as he should be. And about grampa's name being different than he told you is common to misunderstand because people go through life using nicknames middle names family names christain name who knows what the birth certificate says half the time so don't go nuts on that. Figure out what's really bugging you.

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No, he did call and I called back so I would pay for the call but he called me first. I am upset that he lied all these years about his grampies first name, we talk and have talked a lot about his grand father over the years and we talked about me liking the name William after he told me his grampies name and if I'd love that name for a little boy. I attached more to his grandfathers name then only a name and he knew it, so guess once he lied and I made attachments hard to go, oh yeah funny thing I lied about his name it is this name and it is very unique. No, he told me all these years his 1st name was William, on the funeral notice his grampie had no middle name, only a first and last. So no way William is a nickname :( What is bugging me is he lied over something he didn't need to lie on, seems weird and he never once corrected the lie over the years. This is his mom's father who passed and there are issues there.
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Thank you, akaetc.
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I have to ask, did you have a chance to talk with him about why he led you to believe William was going to be your first sons name? What was his response or reaction?
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Hi, akaetc. No, I cannot talk to him until the 1st of Dec next, he'll be back from basic then. So that weekend I will carefully bring it up, I found his own words to me on the name in a yim chat from March 2012, where he says his grampies name is William, so I will forward that along after I ask him. On the William being a boys name I wanted for a child, it was as a tribute to his grampie, and I love the name and the nick for it which is Liam. But he told me his grampies name before I mentioned, to be honest I love the name because it is his grandfather's. He never once told me when I would go that could be our bbaies name too, oh that isn't my pops real name this is. Maybe he didn't want to say after I seemed happy to name a baby that :( So when seeing the obit, little part of me died too. I think these last few months I am super sensitive, maybe if this happened a year ago I would react this way.
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I understand now. Hopefully you won't be apart for much longer and all your questions will get answered. Misunderstandings are easily mistaken for lies so be careful to not think the worst immediately. Good luck to you both.
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Apep

Not sure, Mary. I don't see why somebody keeps something like this a secret without a reason. I think the best thing to do is find out if it's a good or reason or a bad reason.

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Hi, Apep. This is one of your countrymen, and see it seems weird to you too. Is it common for men there not to have middle names? Just wondering, or that in your funeral notices that do not show the full names? Only 1st and last. What good reason could he possibly have? I wouldn't use that name as a 1st name but would as a second, big lawls on that whole topic considering I won't be marrying him anyhow, haha, yeah! Sorry, that is adding fuel. But why do I get told his names real 1st name and he lies about his grampies. I cannot figure out why and everyone here is like " who cares, big whoop" Makes me feel petty. I cannot ask until he is back home after basic. He knew I was bothered, he could tell. Thank you.
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Apep
It is a little weird. Most of us certainly have middle names. Not sure why he would want to keep it from you. I know my stepfather's father was pretty secretive about his past and his names, friends etc., but I believe he fought for the Nazis in the Wehrmacht in World War 2 and didn't want that being public knowledge. Only reason I can think of to lie about a name, really.
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That is interesting, Apep. His grampie was in the Navy during the war, he told me what he did previously but it slipped my mind. He met his wife during she was a nurse. What you said could be a possibility, his grandfather went into banking after. Okies, I wasn't sure on aussies all having middle names, sorry. That gives me a new take on things. Thank you.
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Apep
No probs. yeah, the military thing is a biggie. I suppose he's got his reasons, but hopefully they don't involve war crimes or theft of property and money from conflict zones. Particularly going into banking right after the war. But, I'm jumping to conclusions.
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Hi, Apep. Apparently his grampie was a big deal too. I don't even know how to bring up any sort of conversation regarding that, he would take it as a huge slap in his families face if not true and if true he would be unhappy I knew anything. He is back and I have yet to bring it up... I still want to before the new year so I can leave it in 2012.
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Apep
Hey, Mary. Yeah, seems that would be pretty touchy. I'm not even sure how you would bring that up in conversation, ya know? Hopefully you can get it done with soon, though.
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Do you think I should not bring it up at all? I have had a week to do it and haven't, he has been upset about his dad and the fact his dad went to the funeral and other things including hating his job and I feel the timing would be bad if I piled on right now. Congrats again on your good life news! Oh, what do you think about the new display picture? yay or nay? I love the ones on here who show their pets off.
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Apep
Probably, unless you have a good opportunity to do so, I would leave it be. Keep an eye open for that oppurtunity, but don't force the issue. If he's touchy about it, there might be a good reason. As for the pic, I gotta say I liked the other one better. I'm a guy, so I prefer pretty girls to pets. ;)
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Hi Caleb and Happy 2013 to you in Au. Sorry took so long to reply I only discussed this situation with him on the phone when home at Christmas. He lied as I suspected, and threw it all back at me, like I didn't see that from a mile away. So we are not on speaking terms for a undetermined time :p I liked my kitty Christmas-fied, lol. I change my avatar every month so put a new one up of me for the New year. All the best to you and your loved ones in 2013, when do you start your police training? Good luck with that course as well :)
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Apep
You, too, Mary. I like the new pic better, but then I am allergic to cats. ;) I can sit my exam as late as February. My current job pays really well so I'm gonna stick with it until I'm satisfied that I'm physically and mentally prepared for the training. We had a great New Years Eve, actually. Went to a restaurant, rode a Ferris wheel and watched the fireworks across the bay from the beach. People say if you remember your New Years, you didn't do it properly, ha ha! Nevertheless, had a great time. Hope yours is good, too. :)
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Short answer: yes, you are being silly. What difference does it make if he told you a different name for his grandfather, and a first one at that. My husband goes by half a dozen names, and he's not hiding from anyone, each one fits a different persona, he dons them like costumes. He's not lying, each of them really is one of his names, doesn't matter what's on the birth certificate. Goodness, some day you'll slip up and say something slightly off and not bother to correct it because it's more trouble than it's worth, give the poor guy a break!

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He knows how I feel about certain things and he had years to correct this lie, I have told me so many personal things about my family he had no reason to hide one little thing of his from me, no William is not even remotely close to the real first name, and no 2nd was even given, for all I know he has no second name. He bothers me because of all the reasons I stated in my other comments replied back to the other posters, goes to babies names too :( It bothers me, enough to ask on ask. I feel hurt. Because I never lied about one thing to him, I want the same respect off him. I was even respectful enough not to discuss it with him on the funeral day even thou he asked what was wrong. Because I felt I was being petty. Trust me I don't feel great letting this thing bother me. He isn't a poor guy, overall he is selfish on a lot of things, Apep knows what I mean when I say that :( Thank you.
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him*
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Mary, here is something that might help you as you get along in your life: People are not perfect, they make mistakes, don't have the same priorities as you do, and don't lie every time they say something you see as being black and white. There are different points of view, each with validity, it is not always a case of one is right and the other one wrong. If he made a mistake, don't "awefulize" it and call it a "lie." He's not perfect and it might not be important to him to expose every secret he has to you just because you told him yours. His priority might be sharing family information in general, not making sure he never says a thing that varies from absolute fact, or meet your standards of truth. Chill out, cut him some slack, some day you'll need someone to return the favor to you, believe me, you'll appreciate it. It's not important, and he doesn't owe you every secret of his life. And I am not impressed you didn't bring it up because you obviously made enough of a fuss about it that he noticed. HE BURIED HIS GRANDFATHER, that's what you should be focused on, not on yourself. Get over it, you really should be ashamed of how you have behaved. You have been childish, self-centered, and immature. Try to think of him and let the b.s. go. I don't mean to be unkind, I really don't, but you need shaking so you'll see how you appear to someone with some life experience. You are a nice person, I'm sure, but you need to get over yourself.
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No he knows me and he can tell when something is bothering me, he prolly thought it was me being upset over my own grieving process and his grampies funeral re triggered my own recent grief. I didn't say one peep to him about it, never even hinted, I kept it all to myself because I actually love this person and that is why it hurts me and why I shut my little mouth on it when he asked. I couldn't forgive myself if I made that day for him worse. I understand all you are telling, I don't think people need to be perfect, only honest :( I prolly am harder on him then others but I don't love other men.. I am not selfish actually, I am opening myself up to people because this is hurting me, maybe a small silly hurt to others who read this but it actually and truly hurts me because I have a lot of feelings for this man. If I didn't I would have told him why I was upset. How are you being mature by calling me names? I don't think you read what all I said, or misunderstand parts of it, I'm not sure. I never made a fuss to him at all, I sucked it up for him. I'm fussing here and after to rationalize it for myself so I don't have any blow up with him when he gets home. I think that is mature on my part. I do feel I was being a bit petty on it, and silly, I said so. But it still hurts me. There are other factors I'd rather not go into again, I did mention them previously to Apep and craigsmom in two other threads and that doesn't help this situation and why I feel like I do. I appreciate what you said, making I do need a good shaking. Thank you.
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I am sorry, I was cross with you, probably has to do with some buttons of my own. No excuse for me, I want to save you from making the same mistakes I made, gee, now I probably sound like your parents. It is important that we allow those we love to make mistakes and to forgive them for making those mistakes. When we do that, they will be more likely to forgive us when we make mistakes. I truly believe this young man was not thinking in terms of lying to you when he told you his grandfather's name was something besides what it was. When I tell people my husband's name is "Deacon", I am not lying, that is what I call him; I'm not hiding anything, that's just how I think of him. If the obit didn't use grandfather's full name, maybe there is something about it that the family wants to keep secret. Withhold judgement until you have a chance to talk to your gentleman friend. If you can talk to him quietly, without emotion or accusations, you might be surprised at what he has to tell you. Venting on this site is a very good idea, and it will help you think through what you want to say to him, and what is and isn't important. Careful, he might not appreciate it if you call him a liar over something as insignificant as this. I don't see this as a character flaw, just a silly misunderstanding. There, I think I put that better. Craigsmom is a good one to talk to, she's smart. I don't know Apep.
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Aw, it's ok, I first read it and went hey, but it got me self examining me a bit more which is prolly what you hoped I would do off what you said. I don't have my mom to talk to this about, she passed away early Sept this year and my roommate told me I was being silly, so did some others and I don't want to bother my dad. But I figured, heck I am on here and it is a question site, so go for it. I feel :( if it makes me look like a little petty b___ to all of you. Not what I want. I typed more info into my post but it cut me off and I add to re edit it down, that was why it prolly looks confusing. No I like wise words and tough love. I like your posts because they are honest and to the point. I can look at what is shown to me and see where I am wrong, gawd knows I am not perfect and I can be a sulker and holder onto things. You don't owe me a sorry. I don't know how to even bring up the name thing to him without looking like I am attacking him. I just don't want to let it go and then all this resentment starts building up towards him, I know me and I think it will. He cried to me about his grampie, he almost never cries :( To me that is something special he gave me, so maybe the name mis-truth should be set aside for what he did share on the phone that day. Oh gawd, you are right, he does NOT like the word liar at all. I cannot even use that word to him regarding it, I'd have to say why did you change your grampies name to me. Craigsmom understands, you are right she is smart. Apep is in this thread he replied as well and he is from the same country my friend is from, Australia. Thank you, koichan for coming back in and talking to me again. You are a wonderful person and I feel you really care, and I appreciate your words and apology to me. Thank you.
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Aw, losing your mom is the worst thing ever (at least if you don't have children). I'll bet that has something to do with how strongly you feel about this thing...perfectly natural. My suggestion about bringing the name thing up is this...keep it very casual. Say something like, I saw your gramp's obit and it didn't use his right name, did you see it? Go from there. Be alert to when you are crossing the line into a confrontation or accusation or something like that. If he cares about you, he'll make an effort to put your mind at ease. He has to know the good with the bad, and you have to work to keep the good on top...right! Good luck. BTW, you can add more to your question if you hit submit, it'll bring up additional space. Hugs to you, and you're right, I do really care. Goodnight, Hon. This old lady is going to bed.
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Hi again, koichan. I will try to say what you said to say, and not be all accusatory when I do it. But I think he will know what I am getting at and the wheels of story telling will kick in for him *sighs* I hate that why can't people when confronted just fess up. I hope because he knows I cared about how he felt regarding the passing and that I care about him, and we shared many a time talking fondly about his pops that he will then tell me why. Hugs back! Thank you.
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I really appreciate the update. Hope it works out for you both! Let us know, we care.
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I will do that, promise. I can talk to him on Dec. 1st or there about... he will be back home from basic then, so I wouldn't ruin his graduating chances by creating unneeded drama. Sometimes I wish I was the type of girl that could look the other way, but I worry once you do that it weakens you and people will take advantage :(
You and all the others who replied I am very grateful for hearing me out and letting me work thru things. :)
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How's it going with this young man?
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Lots of people go by names that seem to have no connection to their actual name. I know a boy whom everyone calls Wyatt even tho that isnt either of his real names. Its possible that your bf or whatever he is thought that WAS his grampies name and didnt lie at all. Maybe he was as surprised as you were when he saw his grampies death notice and saw what grampies name really was. I have an uncle who has been called Beau/Bo all his life. His real name is Glenn but ive never heard him called that. It happens. So you are being kinda silly about something pretty trivial. Like another answer said, why ruin a friendship over something so silly? Ask him about it first.

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Grr, I typed you out a full reply, and it keeps telling me I have an error in saving it and it won't let me post it. I will try to send this short reply 1st and then try to copy/paste my other reply after it, thank you for your reply.
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Hi, auxarcs. Sorry had a mini holiday. Would you think they would use his grampies nickname in the obit, and it is a nickname I was not ever told, I assumed Liam was his nickname. He was once my bf, now and for awhile only friends but still have a close connection but no intimate relationship. It won't ruin our friendship if when confronted he says the truth. I went into my yim archives and pulled a chat from March 2012 about his grandfather's name, I have his own words telling me his name is William, Liam for short.
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So next month I will ask him why the names were not right and of course he will say... " but I always told you that was his name" and I'll present the yim chat. Yes, I agree it is silly, but to lie over that sort of thing is unnecessary imo. It will be difficult to then further lie when shown his own words on the subject. I will ask him first, and see what he says, I hope I won't need to present the chat up to him. Thank you.
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I don't think it's silly. But I'm guessing it's just a misunderstanding, you know? I don't know why he would lie about his granddad's first name. I'm guessing his granddad just went by a different name. But what I would do is ask him if that guy is his granddad. I'm sure he'd explain anything you don't understand. Just keep the whole conversation casual, okay? Should go well if you do that.

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Hi again and thank you for answering :)
I don't think the name William is his grampies name at all now, maybe just a name he made up on the spot the first day him and I discussed our grandparents and names. A big boos to him, if so. Definitely the obit I saw was for his grandfather, because it had his mom and step dad's name and his gran's name and uncles name, all he told the truth on. He will launch into some defensive tirade about me snooping, lol, I don't even kid. Somehow if he did lie he will try hard to deflect his lie off himself, he has done it before on other things in the past years. That is why the yim convo I found will come in handy :) I will try what you said and be very casual about it all when we discuss, maybe the week before Christmas. Thank you.
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Hey, sorry, I haven't been on in forever. So, what ended up happening and how did it go?
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