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Who thinks this poem is good, i wrote this about a month and a half ago to describe a situation i was in

Bleeding knuckles broken fingers, and yet all the horrible pain still lingers,
it’s you who caused it but you refuse, to stop it and make it so I’m not blue,
Bathroom floors and tearstained sheets, a carpet of tissues under your feet
If you hate me so much then why are you crying, could it be you were actually lying?
When you said you didn’t care at all, and broke my heart into the tiny and small,
Pieces of glass I must now pick up, and the cuts make me notice how bad life sucks!

You said I was a blessing, not a curse, you said I make things better, and never worse
But your actions say otherwise, and I wish I could say that it wasn’t a lie,
I wish had the strength to deny, but I’ve lost the necessary will to try,
You promised you would be here, well where are you now?
You made me a promise and you’re letting me down
I forgive you all the same, and to move on I’ll try, even though the pain still makes me cry
The reality is that I’ve kept all my promises, and if you can’t see that you need an optometrist
But you on the other hand, have left me to stand
In a cloud of rain, that stays on my life just like a stain.

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That1BadNovelist

It is good except the part about life sucking. Couldn't you find a different word I think the word "sucks" doesn't belong there. But you did a fantastic job. Keep writing.

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The word "sucks" pulled me out of the moment too. Sometimes a shock-word does that. Good comment.
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It's very good. I agree it could use a bit if tweaking . Imo for example , I'm not too keen on that "optometrist " phrase . It has a rap feel to it which doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem .
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okay, thanks for the feedback, i used sucks in order to edit where a cuss word was originally, that ask filters, and as well, to bring an end to the stanza, so i will try and tweak it, thank you
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That1BadNovelist
np
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I personally think it is very good.

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thank you
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Not bad

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very good

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i think its good, but i hope you can get past your hurt and move on, you seem very sad..time heals all wounds

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It's not bad, but the format leaves something to be desired. I think you need more stanzas. For example:
You said I was a blessing, not a curse,
You said I make things better, and never worse.

Have one of your English teachers help you edit it :)

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Happy Thanksgiving!
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Thanks, you as well :D
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originally, my stanza format is like that, but when i put it into the question, ask said i had too many lines, so i had to put it in the format you see up top.
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Sometimes the limits are quite restricting.
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Oh I gotcha!
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Very good line "a carpet of tissues..." You also convey emotion well. Definitely keep writing. Hope you are feeling better than you were when you went through this.

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i am feeling better, thank you for the feedback
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You're welcome.
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Very strong potential . Good work

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thank you
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Good work indeed;)
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I like it a lot, I do hope you get better though.

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so do i, i only started writing seriously like six months ago, so i hope i'm not at my peak now.
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It's very good. I just hope you don't stay in that same frame of mind for Thanksgiving

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i'm not anymore, i was just pretty messed up for a bit, like i said, i wrote it about a month and a half ago, i'm pretty much better now, and God has put people in my life that have started to heal the wounds.
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That's good to know stay strong
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i will, thank you
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VERY good. I hope you will move on. A girl that makes u feel that way doesn't deserve the way you feel about her.

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That is amazing! I am a writer and that was great, you write a lot of poems, because it is very very good!

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thanks
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clemwillhelpu

thats real good, i luv writing too

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thanks
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your really good! and i hope your better! she really wasnt worth it if she made you feel like that. stay strong! :)

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i have gotten better, i think god is looking out for me, someone has shown up in my life that has started to help me heal, so i get stronger every day.
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thats great, im really glad! keep thinking positive, its great you have gotten better! and keep writing cuz your great at it! maybe write a positive poem? :)
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oh i have lots of those, i only write about things i feel extremely emotional about, i wrote alot about that girl in happier times, but i have quite a few happy ones aside from those.

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oh, cool! :)
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yeah
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yeah... :)
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Its depressing but very heartfelt and its really good:)

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thanks
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np :)
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i like it and it was depressing

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It was guud... :)

sad to know "Sum1" "Sumwhere" left u all alone :( :(
4get about the past nd move onn...... just thnk u deserve a lot more better than her!!!

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why is that?
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what???
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why do you think i deserve better than her?
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it was just a way to console u... dats it!!!

nd make u happy a little!!!
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oh okay, thanks, i appreciate it
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whereas i dnt noe how u actually r, why did u both parted away!!!

but still..... i lykd that poem a lot nd just wanted to give u support!!! :) :)
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nytym.... :) :)

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u noe sumtyms fake appreciations also work out 4 sum ppl...

so y not say sumthngs (may be they r even fake) but if it brings a smile to another person's face..... then why not!!! ???

:D :D :)
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:p :P :P :P
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Dang sounds awesome. Like me falling for every one! Is this almost about your life?

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it is about my life, or a part of it anyway, its about the girl who hurt me about 2 months ago now.
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Awwwww don't let it keep you down move on find another girl!
You deserve one!
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i keep trying to move on, i'm making some progress
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yeah keep on
It sounds like you have emotions Almost like a emo
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definitly not an emo, but i have strong emotions about everything, i usually dont show them though, i keep up a stone wall so nobody sees them, and bottle what i feel up, and then i let it out every once and a while in things like poetry.
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oh so what progress are you on now/
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My bad. So what progress are you on now?
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it doesnt hurt so bad any more, the poem allowed me to let go a little bit, and i've had some people come into my life who are helping me get over it day by day, so i get better every minute.
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oh my life sucks I fall for one and I end up getting hurt instead
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thats no good, i'm sure you'll find someone though, there has to be at least one person who is right for you
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I know I get scared to tell this person i like. I try to find someone my fealings and what not my life is like yours almost
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I try to find someone I can tell my feelings to.
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hm, it would seem we are alot alike, except in this case, for me, its not a matter of being afraid to tell them, i have the courage neccesary to overcome that, the problem comes when and if the person doesnt like me back, put it this way, "of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness" Bertrand Russel said that, and its very true, if you like someone, you shouldnt let them get away, you must find the courage to take them while you can. or you will sit in misery wondering what could have been. try it, i'm sure you can find a guy who will listen to everything you say, including all the feelings you have, and who wants nothing but the best for you. but you cant find what you dont at least search for, so go and find him.
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Do u think i'm a girl or boy?
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i think you are a girl, you have a more feminine writing style than the guys i see on here.
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oh
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Why, are you a girl?
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Ok I meant oh yeah duh
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yeah, i picked off that most guys wont talk about wanting to tell their feelings to someone, girls do though, i know from having three sisters
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mmm
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something wrong?
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ah no
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okay then. but anyway, find that guy you are looking for, i'm sure it will all be better when you do
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mmm k
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I-I w-wil O.M.G
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Is Bob your real name I like it
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yeah, its actually short for Robert, but i have always just gone by Bob.
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Oh Hi Bob!! LoL
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haha, and is Kalie your real name?
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Yes Kalieb not Kalie but you can call me that if you like Bob!!!
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no, i prefer using your actual name, it would be sort of rude not to. so Kalieb it is.
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k than Bob!! (*~*)
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Hey Bob do u want to be friends?
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sure, i have no problem with that.
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k
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What kind of shows/movies do u like?
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i really like the stuff on the CW like Arrow and Beauty and The Beast, they both have good storylines so far, and i really like anime, and my favorite movies are basically action ones, i like almost anything with Jason Statham or Bruce Willis in it. but comedy movies are great, and some romances arent to bad.
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oh cool
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Here is my e-mail, that way we can actually talk more, as long as you say who you are in the e-mail then it wont go to my junk e-mail, i have to go right now but e-mail me either tonight or tommorow and we will keep talking soon.

preppyboy6@gmail.com
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Mine is blocked sorry Bob! : /
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Bob r u on?
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yeah, i sent you a google talk invite, so we can IM now
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ok where is that at sorry I just joined
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just go to your inbox on your gmail and it should be there, then you just download the IM messenger when it tells you to and i comes up.
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*it
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ok bob
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Ah I will have to do that later because mine is not working right now. Ok
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Bob r u on?
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Bob where do u live at house number/street?
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bob?
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hi, are you on right now?
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okay, i'm here, so are you a guy or a girl?
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you look more like a girl, but black and white makes it hard to tell, and I cant see your entire face. just please give me a straight answer?
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okay
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and now you look like a guy, seriously, black and white screws with how things look, so your a guy? yes or no?
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I really don't get to choose what you are. your one or the other, please just give me a straight answer
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omigod, thats the most awesomest poem i ever read your a good writer,and your cute your way to good for her!

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thank you
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Yw
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HI BOB!!! wut up???
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Kenneanderthal

Your poem is morbid and shallow

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So how long have u been writing poems cause your really good btw when u have relationship probs do u like to turn it into poems?

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i have been writing poems since i was a little kid, but i turn any strong feelings i have into a poem, especially when its hurt that i'm feeling, it helps me let go and move on, my two most depressing poems are about this girl, the other one i put up in my last question, because i spent eight months building her up, and helping her to be strong, every single day, she told me she really cared about me, but it turns out, she was just waiting for her ex who left her to come back, and when he came crawiling back a few months ago, instead of kicking him out the door like she should have, she dropped me like a stone and ran for him, it hurt because i am the one who is always there for her, no mater what, and he left her in the dust like a piece of garbage, and she still chose him over me, it kinda made me wonder wth is wrong with me.
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Awe how sad :( I kinda like to write poems to .....but I like to write songs, I would never ever use a guy in my life, I am so sry that it happened to u
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its no problem, i'm pretty much over it, and yeah, i know that most girls actually dont do the same thing that she did to me, but writing songs is cool too, a song is really just a poem put to a melody, i have been working on turning a few poems into songs, because i like to sing and i want to get a career for it.
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Well all I need is a great voice to go with my lyrics and learn how to play a guitar and I like to sing to most of my friends were like I should do choir but I don't like that and then they were like I should go for the solo
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haha, how about you just make a channel on youtube, i will definitly subscribe if you are good.
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Nah cuz I would probably get crappy comments
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i got a couple when i first started singing on youtube, but i havent gotten one in a long time, and i understand that the crappy comments i would get are from jerks who are only saying it because they can hide behind a keyboard, you should be afraid to show your talents just because some idiot might give you a bad review.
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should'nt*
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I know hmmm.............................maybe I will
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But idk wt song to sing
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well, i can give you some ideas, my channel is preppyboy97 i have done alot of covers, you might like any one of those songs that i've done, and i suggest things by the Workday release, karmin, pink, katy perry, stuff like that
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Well I am going to check it out right now
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i saw you subscribed to my channel, i subscribed to yours as well so that i can watch your vids when and if you put them up
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Well I know what song I am going to sing-extra oridinary by Lucy hale but first I am going to practice and memorize it more
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thats always a good idea, practice makes perfect, i'll keep an eye out for it
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Your were good, the first one I listened to is little things cause I <3 1D
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awesome, thanks for the comments btw
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Yw you were also EXTREMLY good when you sang 50 ways to say goodbye :D
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thanks
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Btw your kinda cute
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haha, thanks, and if that profile picture is you, you arent bad looking yourself.
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Yes it is me, I don't lie ever, anyways I don't think that I am pretty at all
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and yet, you definitly are, i cant place it, and i have only seen it in a few girls, but even your picture radiates a type of beauty that says you are beautiful personality wise as well
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Thanks :D
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Btw are u just saying that to make me feel happy
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no problem, i just call things as i see them, i think honesty is a good policy
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and no, i'm not saying it just to make you happy, as i said a second ago, i call things as i see them, i dont lie.
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You are the only person that has ever said that to me before
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i cant see why, are all the guys in your area blind?
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Mostly the guys in my area R only intrested in hot preps and I am not a prep
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Well there are guys that call me pretty but they never ever said I had a beautiful personality
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An usually cute guys like you don't like to talk to me cause I am not popular. But I have lots of friends
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Lots of guys army school don't care about a girls personality
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At my Not army
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haha, thats a funny typo though, but anyway, then the answer is yes, they are blind, beauty radiates from the inside out, the personality is what creates true beauty, they are blind to your personality, and so they are blind to your beauty, its the reason i hate most guys in today's society, because they only care about whats on the outside, and then the so called "womens rights" movement encourages this attitude, and it just makes the womens rights thing a joke, because you guys are treated more like objects now than when that movement first started, it just isnt right.
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i wish someone would put women back in their place, which is above all the noise, on a pedestal, to be cared for, not to be fought over like the newest toy.
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I know we'll I gotta go so keep me updated on when u made another vid, cya later :P
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It wuz so fun talking to u though
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it was fun talking to you too, bye
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Laterz :P
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your an amazing writer i hope you keep doing it

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