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I'm really bored, can you please tell me some funny jokes?

Please don't try to be smart and yes or no

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3 girls escape prison one is a redhead 1 is a bernet and 1 is a blond. The girls go to a barn as a cop fallows. The girls hide in sacks. The cop sees the sacks and kicks the sack with the bernet and the bernet says ruff ruff so the cop thinks its a dumb dog. He then kicks the one with the redhead and the redhead says meow so the cop thinks it a cat. Finaly he kicks the one with the blond and the blond says patatoes.

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Lol
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Brunette* Blonde* Don't make blonde jokes if you can't spell, bro.
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Not really a joke, but interesting to know since you're bored... Most people think of 1980 as 20 years ago :)

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A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets.

"Who's the other ticket for?" the ticket girl asked.

"For my pet chicken." He said, pointing to the bird.

"I'm sorry," the girl tells him, "but we don't allow animals in the theater."

The man walked around the corner of the building, and stuffed the chicken into his pants. He returned to the ticket window and bought a ticket, entered the theater, and sat down.

The chicken started to get too hot, so the man, figuring it was okay because it was dark to unzipped his pants and let the chicken stick its head out.

The woman seated next to him looked down in horror. She nudged her friend Amanda and whispered, "Amanda! This man next to me just unzipped his pants!"

Amanda replied, "Oh, don't worry about it. Just ignore him. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."

The woman whispered back, "I know, I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!"

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ClaraListensprechen

Tongue twister:

A skunk stood on a stump. The stump thunk the skunk stunk.
But the skunk thunk the stump stunk.

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Conversation over dinner:
WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: silence
MAN: Oh Shit.

A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to get his sheep across the road. She stopped her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her first good deed. After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, "your sheep are so cute. If I guess how many there are, could I have one. "The farmer thought it impossible and told the blonde it was okay. "637", said the blonde. The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact number, but lived up to his bargain. "I'll take that feisty one over there ", said the blonde. Then the farmer said to the blonde, "Okay, now if I guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization.
The red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it. " Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat. " And then the blonde said "I'm going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down! "

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hilarious !
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Dear Crush,
Don't be afraid if a fat guy in a red suit snatches you up in a big bag on Christmas Eve
Sincerely,
You were on my wish list

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A blonde, brunette and a red head were in the waiting room to see the OBGYW. The brunette said, " I'm gonna have a boy." the others asked how she knew and she said because she was on bottom, the red-head said, "then I'm having a girl because I was on top." the blonde shouted, "oh no! I'm having puppies!"

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