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What's happening to me?

I'm slowly deteriorating mentally, and due to what? First, my memory, then my morals, then my emotions altogether! I don't feel anything anymore, I am an emotional vegetable: alive, but doing nothing. Nothing fazes me anymore, it's almost as if my mind just.... gave up. And now I'm losing it! I am growing more and more insane every day, and I don't know what to do. It seems as if there is no cure for what I have, because, quite frankly, there isn't. It's the disease that knowledge brings, that slowly creeps up on you, and it takes over your mind like some kind of sadistic creature and its prey. Knowledge drove me to this state of insanity; nothingness, rather. I don't know who I love, I don't know truly care for anymore, I don't know right from wrong, I don't know.... I just don't know. If only I could somehow reverse past events and make it so that I never came to know, that I never came to experience, the very monster that is destroying me little by little.... I need help, and I am absolutely not going to an asylum or a mental hospital. There is something wrong with me, but it's not me.... there is so much I need to say, and so much I can't say. I'm dying on the inside! Can someone please help me?.... Anyone?

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You say you need help, so get some. You don't have to go to an "asylum or mental hospital". Talk to someone. They have specialists for everything/anything you can think of.

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see a psychiatrist

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Buttercup_

try going to therapy maybe that will help

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Please go to the doctor. It sounds serious

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You need to speak to a doctor for sure, try spending an hour at a church. Reach out to any or all family members. Your not alone...
Your going to be ok...:)

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Go to the doctor and complete examine yourself. Because for a happy life fitness is compulsory for us..Great Psychiatrist give you a high level treatment.

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Your phrasing is erratic and your mindset is desperate, but you're not so different from a past version of myself. When things no longer excite you, you journey to find ways to make your life interesting, make your life have meaning. Repetition will only lead to despair. Past actions are no longer within your control, so it's time to stop wading in the cess pool of misery you're slowly growing accustomed to.

The thrill of achieving far greater heights than you've ever thought possible, doing something you've never done before, or even going someplace you've never been to... you must recapture these desires and make them manifest in your heart. The unknown is vast and ever growing; pursue it.

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Very nice touch
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Ive experienced similar thought processes before. Although mine were mostly drug induced. The main thing you need to keep in mind to maintain your composure is that it's all in your head. I believe you might be at a breaking point in your life and when you surface from the inner turmoil that's contaminating your mind you will be a stronger person. First of all anybody who is crazy truly believes they are perfectly sane. So your not crazy. Second of all I believe that people are not punished for their sins but by them. So you need to grasp a sense of mental maturity and find away to focus on ALL of the positives around you. Get excited about this life because its the only one your gonna get. And just remember there's always someone whose got it ten times worse right around the corner. Hope this can help you. Lemme know if you wanna talk.

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Thank you :)
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Anytime
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How old are you?

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19
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Man you blood stream is full of natural chemicals that can make you think a little differently. At your age you are going through a changing process. Don't let it fool you into wacky thoughts. Let yourself grow some more (I didn't stop growing in height until 25)
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