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I asked my daughter's boyfriend to meet me for lunch. She is going to meet his parents in Jan. He works nearby. She is mad at me.

My daughter is 23 and he is 27. They seem serious. Was it wrong of me to want to meet him since he works near our home? They have been dating for 3 months.

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I don't know but if my mom arranged luncheon dates without my knowledge or before I was ready to introduce I would be beyond pi$$ed. You mentioned she was meeting his parents, is this a jealous, competition thing? You could end up ostracizing her.

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Great answer, Bubb. Have a star!
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Thanks R! : )
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dustee
star... ouch!!!
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It's rather awkward that you initiated contact and that your daughter won't be present at this lunch.

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hey you can tell the person you can meet her at after lunch is over..
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u should have just asked the daughter to ask the bf
now it looks as if u r interested
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I think maybe you should have waited a little bit longer to meet him.

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yes you should wait a little longer to meet him...
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You really should have consulted with her prior to making the arrangements... then again, you should have been introduced to him long before now if they are as serious as you think.

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no i will think about this serious
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You should wait until SHE wants you to meet him

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yes you should wait
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Shouldnt your daughter be there? It is HER boyfriend meeting you. You just made it awkward for him, you, and her?

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i think you need to call and find out ..
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Ill tone it down :p
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tone it down!!!!!(:
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I did! lol
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Hahaha well good(:
i got kik mika:p
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I cant use kik at the moment :(
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When can you mika(:
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Idk. Maybe tomorrow night :p All depends
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tommorw night(:
cant wait
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Maybe ill call you!
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even better mika!!(;
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Hopefully though
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haha iKnow(:
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Not wrong, but since your daughter wasn't ready for you to meet him, maybe reconsider?

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yes i do not known
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I think its awesome u want to meet with him. But Maybe permission from her first would have beed good. (:

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yes ((:
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if then date 3 months so then like other and love them...

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ok
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I think it is reasonable since a father should meet their daughter's boyfriend before they go far away. Your daughter should have brought him over to your house, to meet. After 3 months, she should have made her boyfriend meet her family. If he is serious, he would want to meet her family.

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No she should just stay out of it
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You should have invited her too. She probably would have felt better knowing she would be there, considering this is the first time you have met him and all.

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Yes you should never invade into your childs love life unless there 17 and under

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You say "they seem serious" ... and that she is meeting his parents in January ... but they've only been dating 3 months.

Maybe SHE isn't sure whether or not it's as serious, as you think it is.
Maybe he invited her to meet his family, because HE thinks it's more serious than she does.

Either way ... she is an adult, and you should stay out of her relationships unless she asks you to be involved in them.

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Three good ideas here. Have a star!
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Maybe she is hiding something

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I think you are trying to scare him away from your daughter. They are not 13. Your actions are somewhat disrespectful of your daughter because you don't recognize that there is a boundary here. It is her decision to set up a meeting with the three of you. What guy wants to date a woman whose mother doesn't understand social boundaries? The answer: a guy who will not want to live anywhere near his MIL should they marry. Apologize. Step back. MYOB.

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Just reading the question makes me crazy!
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I wonder what else this inappropriate mother has done to her daughter. I hope the daughter gets far far away.
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I have to agree...I hope my daughter moves far, far away!!! My other two daughters are great, and this one is not my favorite one. My middle daughter is my favorite, so that's fine with me!!!
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I admire the fact that you are not pretending to be the perfect mom here and to not have favourites. That's exceptionally honest of you. When you have two favourites and one that you feel this way about, the standard procedure is to be extra courteous and to work just a bit harder to make things smooth. I have to ask this: I assume that it has always been this way with this daughter. What started it in the first place? Was she a difficult or ugly baby? Did this one rob you of sleep for years? Did this one embarass you? What prevented bonding?
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Well, she was a happy baby who seldom cried and was and is beautiful. I had her when I was 30, and decided to teach college English at community college in the evenings so that I could be with her and my other two girls. She has a university degree from a well-known Jesuit facility and has a wonderful job in marketing. All I can say is she''s a bit weird and always has been. Had trouble making friends; always unhappy despite us paying for university, buying her a new car,paying for apartment rent during her last year of college, and sending her money when she calls home crying. I must say, from what she has told me, her new "boyfriend" cooks for her, buys her things, makes a 6-figure salary, and plans on taking her to Germany to live when he is assigned there for a management position for 3 years starting in 14 months. Things are moving quickly and I'm just curious to know what he's like. All mothers have a favorite and I'm sorry to have to break that reality to you. We don't tell that to the child, so I assume your mother has never told you your ranking in the family order. So, there you go: some people "get" each other, and some don't; it's plain and simple, my dear.
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This makes sense and you have been generous. Thanks for answering this way. I did not rank near the top.
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Update: They're engaged !!! Hahaha . Rathkeale you are such a negative Nancy!!
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I hope they don't decide to live near you.
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Well, first, you should have said, "I'm your mother and I want to meet him." and both your daughter and her boyfriend should meet you for lunch, not just him.

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When you're right -- you're right.
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So I'm right? XD
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Of course you are right! How could you doubt yourself?
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Lol!
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since your daughter isnt a teen anymore no matter how bad you want to meet him you should let her bring him to you instead of trying to force him on her family. that's how i would look at it and personally wouldnt want to be around my wifes family if they had done something of this nature.

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Thank you for your honesty.
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Truly, I am being crucified for this faux pas. My husband hasn't talked to me since the incident. I feel so fricken sorry for this GRAVE error. Jesus, that's all his family talked about when he went home for Thanksgiving: When can we meet her? Why didn't you bring her? He even has asked to meet us. He works at a company 5 minutes away from my house. HIS mom asked :How's the new wife? I'm a freaking villain in this. I was a public relations specialist for years, and going out to lunch is a social, casual event. Well, since I dish out so much money to my daughter I'm telling you if they marry it's ALL up to them. Not a cent from us for a wedding.
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kazarina

Sometimes you can do things that are not always fully thought out, thus upsetting those close to you which was never the intention. Once you apologize to your daughter & explain that you now see she should have been consulted first I'm sure this will either be forgotten or the butt of many family jokes in the years to come wether this man remains in the family or not. Ie mum will sort you out, or nothing like a mother inlaw to put you off your dinner. If the jokes do come add a few of your own to show you are a good sport.

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take it slow they may seem serious right now
but just wait 'till they have that big fight
and if they dont good for u

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why is she mad?mom wants a sample before the wedding?shame on you mom.

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kazarina
That wasn't what I think she was thinking at the time, but it made me laugh.
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@MichaelBeck: Hey, sounds good to me! He's 6'6" so must be hung well!! LOL
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you are absolutely right mom , wish i can get a mother in law like that, good going mom

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If you look at the comments on my question, you will see that this mother does not even like this daughter. She wants this daughter to go away.
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Thank you, Peter. It was a sticky situation but her boyfriend thought it was funny and was not offended. And that says a lot for him! My daughter has forgiven me and it looks like they are going to get engaged soon. I am happy for her and his good nature has won my heart!
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@Rathkeale : You are a bitter person. No wonder you were at "the bottom of the list" with your mom. You must be a needy girl.
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