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rayrayangel07: 5 months ago

My Husbands Mother

My husband and I are expecting our first child, & everything is great except for one thing:
His mother just got out of a relationship with an abusive alcoholic ex & is staying with us. & normally this wouldn't bother me in the least. But all my husbands life she has been with guys that hurt her & him. My husbands biological dad tried to kill him, and his mother stayed until he kicked HER out. She has always chose a man over her own children, she has never done anything for him, and she is already on dating pages, trying to find a rebound, and asking her son for money for gas to go meet these people she doesn't know, and then yells at him when he says we need to save. She is rude, loud, and addicted to electronics. We pay her phone bill, that she freaks about. We got internet because she would use my husbands gas for work, to leave a lot of times during the day to go to the library to get online because she 'can't live without internet or cable.' She has child mentalities, eats all the food,and I am worried for my child, I don't want it subject to that. Am I bad for that?

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Answer 1

giovanny879: 5 months ago

Your mother is most annoying and retarded

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rayrayangel07: 5 months ago

Thank You! She is a 40 year old women who has the mentality of a 12 year old!

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Answer 2

emmy0love: 5 months ago via iPhone

No maybe you should talk to your husband and let him know what your feeling. The baby and you are the 2 most important things right and you need to do whatever it takes that way the baby's safe and your stressed our over the top goodluck:)

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rayrayangel07: 5 months ago

Thank You :) Gosh I couldn't even fit all that I was going to write in there. It went to the character limitation. This woman does so much :/ But shes only been with us a month, so I think he wants to help her on her feet but you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

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emmy0love: 5 months ago via iPhone

This is true. Why don't you try finding her a nice little apartment or try simply siting down and talking with her anyways I wish you the best and I bet that baby will be adorable (:

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Answer 3

MississippiJeff: 5 months ago

No....you are being a parent! Sounds like Mom needs to grow up and learn how to be one herself! Your husband however, will feel differently because she is his mom! I would have a serious talk with your husband in a non confrontational manner (don't do it as a fight...just in peace time!)...if it starts to get heated, back off and try again later...but be persistent. Your child deserves your protection from all things awful in this world!

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rayrayangel07: 5 months ago

My husband feels the same, he knows how inconsiderate she is, and how materialistic, yet, because its his mom, its a soft spot, and he lived with it forever, he knows better than anyone that she only cares about herself, he just don't want to kick her out. So were kinda just wishfully thinking she will marry one of those rebound men she is looking for. Because we can't help her, she don't think she is doing anything wrong, she is just too dependent on a man, & to her, that comes before family, that is breaking there back for her.

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Answer 4

zeniya: 5 months ago

no but she shouldnt be there for ever ( i dont mean death)

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Answer 5

harmonyb: 5 months ago

Stop enabling her. It will hurt your husband to stop "helping" her. But the "help" is hurting him and always has. He is in a co-dependant relationship with his mom and only he can stop it. She's not healthy enough...and it's not your place. He has to decide that he wants and deserves better...from her and from life. He has to decide that he wants and deserves better for you and your baby. He has to choose to set boundaries and stop enabling,

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rayrayangel07: 5 months ago

We've tried weening her off everything. For instance; She went off on him one day because he said she was wasting his gas money when she leaves throughout the day for no reason, but she said she couldn't live without technology because she is 'stir crazy' . I'm only 20 years old, lived in the generation of technology, and I'm not even like that. I told my husband not to get her internet, but he did anyways. We have a three bedroom, two living, room, and a huge basement house, and this women stays in OUR room, because she needs a T.V. she says. My husband has already been pushed over the edge with her, but he cant bring himself to do anything drastic like kick her out, or deprive her of her 'internet' because he works his butt off, and she will start a fight as soon as he walks through the door, and he cant relax, so he ends up giving her what she wants so she will let him relax. I feel like I am not even married, because I haven't had a moment to live with just my husband, we are too busy being parents to a 40 something year old..

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harmonyb: 5 months ago

The only option is to kick her out. But your husband is the one that has to make the decision. He is involved in a dysfunctional relationship with his mom. It is co-dependant and unhealthy for both of them. I'm sorry you're in this situation...but try to hang in there with your husband........

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Answer 6

bikergirl40: 5 months ago

No you are not 'bad' for that. As a new mother, you will have to prioritize what can stay and what has to go...and influences in your environment are a huge part of that.

Your motherinlaw sounds as if she has suffered a lot of damage in her lifetime .. to the point of it resulting in a clinical personality disorder of some kind. My guess is, she was probably abused or abandoned as a child herself, and is compelled to search out the same personality type in a partner. I don't know her story, and couldn't even begin to explain it. Having said that .. although she may have experienced some traumatic events in her lifetime .. it doesn't excuse her behavior.

The

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bikergirl40: 5 months ago

problem at hand is your household. You need to do what you need to do, to keep the peace. She needs to find her own way, with your moral support .. not financial. As damaged as she is, and as hard as she flounders, you will have to find a way to help her get on her feet, and out of your house. Don't forget she is still HIS mother. She probably loves you both very much .. she just can't help herself and the choices she makes. Understand that you have to support her .. but not enable her.

As slippery a slope that is when it comes to dealing with family members with a mental or emotional disability .. you will just have to do your best. I commend you for trying. Best of luck to you and your family .. And congratulations on your soon to be new arrival.

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Answer 7

GoingForFourth: 5 months ago

You're just looking for reassurance. You know the answer. It doesn't sound like everything is "great"

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Answer 8

kazarina: 5 months ago via iPhone | Last edited at 11:19PM on 12/20/2012

Give her a time limit say 3 months to get her own life sorted out & find her own place. As her son, your husband nerds to tell her you both need this time together to prepare for the birth of your child. She needs to know you are there for her but not at the expense of your marriage & future. If she complains then ask her to leave sooner. Your husband needs to find the strength to get this across to his mother. As a child she has always called the shots. Tell your husband you are there to support him through this & that it's for the baby. He now has a family to be responsible for. She also needs to pay for her own internet. Here in Australia we have use as you buy Internet. When you use it up then you have to add money to top it up to get more. This is her responsibility. Your husband needs to change his passwords so he can lock her off the Internet. He could fib & tell her that he only has Internet now through work & it can't be used for personal use. Tell her everything goes through the works main computer before access is oked for emails to be released. If she has no income she needs to pawn or sell whatever, to give her some cash. It's sad but that's life. Maybe there's a refuge or she can stay with a friend but have him explain that no matter his priorities are with you & the baby. She needs to supply her own gas so maybe moving into town would save her fuel costs. Goodluck show love & support but be firm. That is my general advice to you.
For the record my personal opinion is Mothers should never bludge off their kids. It's a whole different ballgame if they are aged, frail & need you as their Carer but this isn't the case. Goodluck

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