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Ex husband was abusive, current husband also abusive... Had recent conversation with ex, he says no issues like ours. Should I believe him?

not to place blame on anyone, but when he (ex) tells me this I question my sanity a bit. please help. I recognize in myself a tendency to press a resolution to a point of angering someone, but in all honesty I wonder if it's really is my fault, especially now that my ex is saying he has no problems like ours with his current GF of 2yrs. Should I feel responsible for these violent episodes? if I would have done something different... pls be understanding. I have lots of questions about my character. I am a kind person and very sensitive if a person shuts me off I typically complain they don't care. I know I have faults and I'm not above admitting them. also known have a stubborn streak which might be harder to admit. also I realize it may be hard to give a define answer on this one without really knowing me but I'm in a bit of a crisis now, hence all the questions. thank you to all who put thoughtful consideration to this question. :)

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It would be a really good idea to tell these concerns to a therapist and get all of this sorted out. It's good that you see there are problems, however, it takes two to have violence in a relationship. One of the party can always walk away. If they have tried to walk away from an encounter, and you didn't let them,
then yes you need to talk to a professional about why you would do these
things. It doesn't make you crazy. It just makes you someone who needs help
and we are all in need of help at one time or another. However , if they are the only ones who are violent (this was your word you used, not me), then you need to leave. But still get someone to talk to about this so you don't feel the way you do about it.

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Thank you, very true
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spring_0

Leave them BOTH -RUN and find a new guy .. who respects YOU treat YOU right
Are u seriously asking this question..
I know u are sensitive and kind that's nice a girl should be sensitive bc that's how we r from nature But don't exaggerate it don't be that Nice, kind
Can you find another guy ..?
( sorry if I sound mean but that's the truth

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You're not mean :) its a bit more complicated than that I think, but I thank you.
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sounds like me...i grew up with an abusive dad, got intpo abusive relationships then married an abusive man. I was constantly trying to people-please. Not make anyone upset with me, very quiet, put up with a lot...and stubborn at the same time..it got to the point where I was being abusive back .I'd say take some 'you' time - no relationships just work on yourself. It opened my eyes a lot.

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Thanks grenade, I've had some truly hard times. Funny that both husbands had abusive mothers (according to them)... Sometimes I wonder if this has something to do with their reaction to my insistence we solve a problem. I've learned to wait for a time to cool down, if they will assure we can talk about it at a specific time. But that time is not honored and everything swept under the rug. I'm the kind of person who lets things build up if they're not addressed, so that is why it's so important to just get things resolved. And when I say resolved, I mean acknowledge something you said was hurtful, and apologize sincerely. Perhaps it's difficult for a man to respond to a woman requesting an apology. So frustrating because I try to frame everything just so so, so that she will simply say I'm sorry Hun, that was insensitive of me.... and I instead receive, say it this way and I'll accept you. Venting... Thanks for listening. I would gladly leave this relationship if I did not have two small children to consider. I was single for three years before getting involved with current husband. Maybe my "picker" is off or I'm ???? So many questions.
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Ok. It is NEVER ok to abuse anyone. Regardless of the circumstances. This includes physical and mental abuse. Doesn't matter what the relationship is either - husband and wife, parent and child, siblings, strangers - it is not justified. Abuse happens when there is a lack of respect. Each of us deserves to have our own opinions about EVERYTHING, NO ONE has the right to lay a hand on you. period. I say all of this because it sounds like these men are trying to make you feel like it is your fault that they hit you. Ok let's forget about those guys for a sec, people treat us the way we let them. The first time a boyfriend says something disrespectful to me, I am gone. That is what you have to have in any relationship - respect. that will also include honesty, loyalty and from these you will get love. everything i have said goes both ways too - you have to give respect to get it, don't get into an argument and press a point that ends up in rage.

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Thank you, I appreciate your response.
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