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Can you PLEASE give me feedback on my first poem ever?! it would be greatly appreciated, thanks!!

I can't even cry anymore,
there are no tears.
Said you'd never say goodbye...
but why make me live in fear?


Thanks for reading! and please be honest! i have an explanation for it too if anybody wants to hear it haha. Thanks again!!

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cutsandscars

Don't post your work online. Someone will steal it and claim it as their own. I learned that the hard way.

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The Sun is set
the night is coming
i don't know why
but everything comes to an end
like the night
that has darkness
all around

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I like it. It has a bit of darkness to it (living in fear). Good Job :)

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thank you so much!
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it's a good start. it seems a little short.....if you don't mind the criticism

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no i like the criticism! thanks!
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I'd like the explanation please :D it was nice and i feel like there is more to it so i guess the explanation could clear things up :P

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i wrote my explanation as if i was talking to the guy this is about.
1)I can;t even cry anymore,
there are no more tears.
- I have cried TOO many times and there are no more tears to cry. I cry over you, for you, because of you, and just because i feel i need to in order to get by. Tears just will not fall from my eyes.

2) Said you'd never say goodbye...
but why make me live in fear?
-You told me you wouldn't leave me (say goodbye), that we would be together forever. you were perfect on November 17, 2005 and for a couple months following. you made me fall in love with you, but then you changed. i feared you, and you knew it, you loved it. you loved the control, that i belonged to you. You own me. i have feared you an still do. i dont believe that could ever subside. im in love, im trapped, im scared, i cant get out and im not sure if i ever will.
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wow very deep :D i do some poetry myself and where i get inspiration from is my depression idk if u want i can try to come up with something right now so it could help u if youd like XD it wont be great but eeh itl suffice right?
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my mind is an abyss, my sanity forever lost in my mind. My dreams are my only escape now i wake and am torn apart by reality, i am now left here crying. this whole time my thoughts were lying
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hows that =D

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i have depression also. i just tried writing a poem today thinking maybe it could help and it did a little. and yes please do! (:
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your really good. (: i wish i could just write a poem in 2 minutes lol.
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i get you and yes writing is a great outlet :D its fun and it helps better your writing skills and with practice youll be able to do that you can check my profile for my email if u ever want me to review ur work :D
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okay, thanks!
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anytime and every time XD
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BRAVO!!! I'm not a fan of poems but this is good :)

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thanks so muchh!
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fear is your problem is not somebody elses

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not when somebody is trying to make you fearful of them and loving every minute of it.
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its good that to have a sense of poetry but to me if its about love i would turn negativity to positivity
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im not sure if its love. how do you really know? we tell eachother we love eachother every single day, i truely believe i am in love with him and he says the same. BUT how can you continuously hurt that person and knowingly do this and love it. is that love? im not quite sure.. im trapped. he controls me, owns me.
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Read Romeo and Juliet. that book claims to best show the level of humans love between two lovers and find out what happens in the end. the story of human love does not limit to loving another but loving another is a practice of learning how to love the true identity within yourself. societies have taken that meaning wrong for thousands of years. let me make an example about true identity:

Have ever paid attention that when you say I love you you somehow mean I always think about you I always feel attracted to you. and that this chemical reaction is a CONSTANT flow in you??

and that you tell me in your comments we human we bipedal creatures say we love each other everyday but the sentences is just being repeated and that you dont feel the real concept of it when you hear it from someone like your lover how is that possible?

I am not focusing on your lover lets talk a little bit of a real love...

for a second think of your heart...
see the effort He makes for your life....
beating every second with no doubt....
as there is a chance for you to uncover...
question yourself your being here....
who pump it? who wants me? who loves me?

as you see in every second no matter you sleeping or awake your heart is committing a constant action for your survival. during the journey of life humans fall in love with another and regard that love important for themselves as they think the true love happens between human and they make a big dream of that in their head but depressions and obsessions and other diseases are the result when their lovers leave.....
so tell me if this world that my eyes see is so unstable and tricky should i be trusting it??
which one do you think is proving their love more than the other world of inside or what i see through me eyes??
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its good but if you add more of your dark feel in it, it will become better.....

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thanks!!
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Marie30

It is good but it is a bit short if you could add more to it I think it would be great. Plus an explanation would be nice. Keep up the good work there are magazines that publish poems as good as this all the time.

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i wrote my explanation as if i was talking to the guy this is about.

1)I can;t even cry anymore,
there are no more tears.
- I have cried TOO many times and there are no more tears to cry. I cry over you, for you, because of you, and just because i feel i need to in order to get by. Tears just will not fall from my eyes.

2) Said you'd never say goodbye...
but why make me live in fear?
-You told me you wouldn't leave me (say goodbye), that we would be together forever. you were perfect on November 17, 2005 and for a couple months following. you made me fall in love with you, but then you changed. i feared you, and you knew it, you loved it. you loved the control, that i belonged to you. You own me. i have feared you an still do. i dont believe that could ever subside. im in love, im trapped, im scared, i cant get out and im not sure if i ever will.
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Hmmm if its your first its ok but take the question mark off ..... 1 to 10 i give you a 8 not bad good job

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thanks!!
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kazarina

After reading your explanation to radeo flare I thought of the next verse which could also be the last verse. You may not like it but I have learnt what you write instantly off the top of your head can be more profound than something in poetry you ponder over for hours or days.
Here goes. Use it if it helps.
"My shine is gone as you linger near,
To control my thoughts, my heart I fear,
I try to run but there's no way out, what I use to be has all drained out."
Kazarina.

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