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whats wrong with me?!?!

my brain is different from most others. i can tell because my thinking patterns are much different, causing me to interact socially "different". i love to help people, including random strangers. i always have my friend's backs, i love making people laugh, i love standing by anyone's decision, nomatter the outcome. i love every culture, sex, creature, etc. because these things fascinate me. i love feeling texture, tasting, hearing, seeing... learning... yet, I'm screwed up.. i have a dark side to my mind. when I'm under stress, I'll start hillucinating... the things i see... the things i draw... people's reactions to my art surprises me... i thought they were normal.. but i end up scaring people... I've reached for help from family, my gf, and my psychiatrist... but they just get quiet when i tell them the things i see... whats wrong with me?

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nothing is wrong with you, your mind simply has a deeper place inside it that people fear because they dont understand it, you simply need to learn how to reach an understandin of it, and you will begin to realize what it is meant to do, God doesnt make defective people

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hmm. perhaps your right. i allow myself to explore my own fears deep within my mind. i might be triggering the hillucinations from lack of control. which would make sense since i have a hard time filtering what i say to people.
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i will make a suggestion, for something that you can do, in order to improve control, Martial arts will allow you to explore your innermost feelings, without becoming consumed by them, because it disciplines your body and mind, maybe you should try it, just for a bit and see if it helps
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hm. thanks, i might check that out:)
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no problem man
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Do you have schizophrenia? I've known people who are like this and have been diagnosed with that..

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my psychiatrist says my coping skills are excellent, and i show no signs of schizophrenia
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It might just be who you are then. You probably shouldn't worry so much. You should also try different psychiatrists just to make sure. If it's taking over your daily living then there might be something wrong. Try explaining yourself and give as much examples as you can to a doctor or professional.
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Buttercup_

we are all screwed up in our very own way, it's nothing to be ashamed of, just be you,

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shouldn't your psychiatrist know? and you really dont think much differently then others ik a lot of people like that including myself...as for me no ive never really hallucinated so i cant help you with that ._. try doing more research on google or something or see a specialist or even a different psychiatrist good luck :D

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well actually when i was deacribing myself... it wasnt an example of how i think differently... it was me.. i dunno why i said that... this might sound weird, but i study people. when i interact with humans or any other creature, i do so to study their reactions. its most interesting to me the problem solving skills some people are superb with and also the skills people lack... sorry.. got off subject...
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no no its fine XD i am very observant myself i tend to understand how someone thinks and or will react to certain things quite quickly basically i can read people very fast so yea :o that's pretty cool
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really??? ok, so I'm not weird lol. yeah i will notice things most others wouldnt. reading people is quite easy, and a skill you must know if your one to help others. perhaps my judgment decieved me. i have astraid from one of my own theories and thought i was an exception, but i was wrong and feel the deep comfort of humanity once again seep into existence. lol sorry... i normally talk normal..
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talk like that all you want, actually it helped me think of my next poem and how i am going to write it :o lol so yea ty for that :D and yep i completely agree with the first part
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Sounds like u are perfectly fine

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Honestly? If you're shrink doesn't know, then how did this person ever get a degree in the first place? Sounds like you need a shrink who can actually help you..Good luck.

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sorry, i worded it weird. the only thing my psychiatrist offered from what i told her, was medication... but i rather not take it
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I dunno. If you are not comfortable with her solutions, find a better fit. This sounds very important, so you shouldn't waste your time with so etching that isn't working.. It's time for new solutions.
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*somthing* sorry, auto-correct.
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thr scary thing is... i kinda like that part of me.. but the thing i am afraid of is the chance that i could get worse and possibly hurt people...
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Lots of people have different thinking patterns. For instance, my brother learns by hearing things out loud while it learn by reading and writing things out.
Do you have a therapist? You almost sound depressed and are taking it differently than others.

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i took a test for how stressed my life is. the highest category scores at 300 +. i scored 492...
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Then it looks like you're a bit stressed! A good nights sleep? I'm sorry, but when it comes to stress, I'm NOT a professional.
Try and have a Merry Christmas!
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thank you, merry christmas! :)
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Merry Christmas!
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You don't sound too unusual. The beginning sounded perfectly fine. As for the rest, we all have a dark side to us. It's not like we all are perfectly perfect behind closed doors. Hallucinations, however, are unusual and that's something that you need to consult a professional about. There's a name for just about anything nowadays. Maybe you should try to reduce the stress in your life to avoid the hallucinations.

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my quest is not to avoid, but rather learn why. having thsea illusions i feel is a gift since not a lot of artists have the ability to explore the conscientious mind
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I think you're a little too fond of the idea of you having a special mind. As though having a dark side somehow makes you more creative or deep than the rest of us. How exactly do hallucinations give you more of an ability to explore your mind? Hallucinations are false perceptions, results of some sort of disorder. Key word false, not being true to yourself; it doesn't give you any more of an ability to know yourself than someone else. I suppose it can help with your creativity, but a lot of artists do the same- they take acid or whatever drug to create hallucinations. Having hallucinations cannot be a good sign because, like I said, they're caused by some sort of disorder. And at the same time, you were talking about how stressed you were in another comment- constant distress is terrible for your health.
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they may be false, but they are still in my head, so they still have connections to my deepest thoughts.
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Being in your head doesn't automatically mean they have anything to do with your deepest thoughts. False is false. It's not TRUE to your deepest thoughts because it is FALSE.
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say you hillucinated in the desert. it was a bad trip. the only way it could be that bad is by knowing your fears. its in your head, so its already deep inside your mind, it doesnt just spawn from another plane of existence.
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stop............youre starting to scare ME

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