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What should I do?

I'm 19 years old and my boyfriend and I just recently had a child together, but he's still going out with his friends (smoking,drinking, and partying) every night when he could be spending time with our son. I understand that a boy cannot be turned into a man overnight and I also understand that I cannot make him grow up. . but how can I help him understand that we have a child now and his priorities need to be adjusted.

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Honey, you say you know you can not make him grow up, but then you go on to explain you want to make him understand...that is the same thing as wanting to make him grow up. He is going to be useless to you, I'd probably just ignore him until such time he can be a man. Anything else is going to drain your energy, the energy you are going to need to raise your child. I'm in your corner and wish you well. Your love will be more than enough to help your son live a successful life.

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You need to just simply have him sit down and you need to tell him bluntly that you need his help. Remind him he is a parent now and his son needs a father.

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Warn him, lady. It's not about he's a boy-turning-into-a-man, it is about your beautiful (first?) child. Your most important thing in your life. Don't ruin it.

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Talk to him,tell him that you need him in this precious time and he should start acting like a man,don't worry and good luck. :)

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As others have said. A lot of talking. Don't threaten or turn it into an argument though. That will just get him on guard and he won't listen. You're in for an uphill battle I'm afraid. Im sure he wasnt near ready to become a father so Try to explain in ways he can understand. Remember males are far less mature then females yet at your age. Are you close enough to any of his friends that you could get their help? What about his parents and or siblings? Best of luck to you

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You say you understand that you can't change him or make him grow up yet that's exactly what you're seeking advise to do.
The fact is that he will or won't in his own time and there isn't anything you can do to change that.
Your priority is your son so you need to grow up and change to handle the responsibility of parenthood correctly.
Tell babies daddy that in order to do this right he needs to be more responsible and be there for his son.
Be prepared for the worst however, cause like it or not, you're probably going to be a single parent. (At least til your bf grows up)

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kick him to the curb. you have made a big mistake on having a child with him.

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I agree so much . She's wasting her time.
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I agree, the best way would be to talk about it. He is making a conscious decision to go out, each and every night that he does. I'm sure he realizes that he SHOULD be staying around and helping you more, and being more involved with his new child. You obviously had to make a conscious decision to stay in and be a mum, he needs to step up and be a dad to, if he wants to have the right to be in your baby's life. He is making the decision to spend drink his money, and spend his time elsewhere rather than putting the money towards his son, and spending time with you both. It sounds like he is trying to ignore his responsibilities (even if its only a few hours a day, you don't have that luxury if you're staying home with bub alone). Cigarettes and alcohol (and fuel?) adds up over a long period of time. Not only that, but he is ruining his brain cells, which may lead to him being less of a father than he had the potential to be.

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Also, the smoking and drinking is bad for his health, and this may affect you and your child in the long run eg. if he develops cancer or dies of a different smoking/alcohol related health issues. Not only will these cost money, but a lot more stress in the long run, than if he just buckled down and faced the music. It'll be difficult for you to try to make him understand that his ever action has consequences (whether it be positive actions breeding positive results, or negative actions breeding negative results), but asking him to at least have a serious think about the future of his child, will help him snap out of the selfishness he appears to have clouding his judgement. Even if you help him change now, and he becomes the 'best father and husband ever', the fact that he smoked may make it too late for his health, and cancer may catch up with him later on, when it's too late, and he feels like being a good father and partner. It'll be too bad buddy, he'll be dying and nothing he can do about it, leaving you behind, and never getting the chance to have the full experience of parenthood.
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I agree with koichan too, best not to expect anything from him though, and rather than getting frustrated and angry about it, trying to focus on other things with your time. Sucky situation. Best of luck.
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I think the first thing both of you need is Jesus Christ, notin more than that!

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JamesKaeberle
Amen!
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amen to that. thats all a person needs.
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Good Jokes..........

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AndrewBalkaran

I guess it's up to him to realize he's not a kid anymore but a man and now he has responsibilities.

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JamesKaeberle

Give your life to Jesus and get invovled with a good church and start praying that God will change him as well. God Bless!

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Interesting that you say how you understand these things, were they understood when you were getting pregnant with Mr Partyguy? This is why the Old Folks, such as myself, rail against those so young as you having babies when you're not done being kids yourselves.
It's about the baby now, it has to be. If the young father can't grasp this concept entirely, you have a tough road ahead. Raising kids isn't easy under the best circumstances, you and Partyguy NEED to get on the same page, stat, or the child will pay the price. Use your head, make good choices now, and good luck.

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God help you and give u strength!! It is so hard even to talk to a person in that. Age, i dont mean to discourage you, but i really hope u stay strong and that his eyes will be opened to c the sacrifice u r doing

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you should have a serious talk with him.tell him he also brought this child into this world and it's also his responsibility to help take care.i would tell him if he care then he should stop doing those things and to be a good father and help raise her.

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This is where you realize being a mother is 24 hours a day job for the rest of your life whether there's a father present or not. It's a hard pill to swallow. Youre tired and overwhelmed. We all had to realize it no matter what our age. Don't expect anything from him . He's even "showing you" what a man he is by going out and "doing his thing". "SHOW HIM" by taking the best care of yourself and your baby that is humanly possible. You will get all the rewards while he doesn't . Been there too.

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being a father is a 24 hour a day job also. I was a house husband taking care of three babies while my so called wife was suppose to of been at work but she was out seeing an other man on his lunch break where him and her worked. all hell came about after I found out. not on my part but her putting me threw it with lies to everyong including the law. destroyed our children. bitch ain't worth the waste of a good bullet.
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That's right. You are one of the father's who did the caring for the children 24 hours a day. What a job it is!!! I'm so sorry it turned out so horrible.
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