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kazarina

Has a best friend ever done the dirty on you? What did they do & did you forgive them?

did it damage the friendship?

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lend a benjamin to one and never received it back. yes, I forgave him for he has done good for me at times.

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kazarina
What's a Benjamin ?
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$100.00
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kazarina
Yes I know the money one well.
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lesson learned the hard way. don't lend to no one and expect it back.
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kazarina
I'm even smarter now they can't take what they don't get off me. This is where prevention is better than cure.
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for sure
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kazarina
Age does wise you up if nothing else.
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Explain "Do the dirty on you"

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Ikr
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kazarina
Slept with your partner, ripped you off money wise, stole your possessions, lagged you in to the cops, anything that was disloyal to your friendship.
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Oh, then no.
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Hi Kazarina, how could anyone do that to you? You are so very special, I think they must have been losers. I'm sorry they hurt you.
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kazarina
They all were & they lost my friendship so that is something they will never get back. One of them has been struggling with life problems but I still won't forgive her & help her again. I feel sorry for her children but she wont have me in her corner ever again.
How are you today Koichan, I haven't been able to catch you on when I've been on the last few days. I have got fulltime work between now & when I go away so will have to ration myself on here. Come weekdays.
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If it was dirty style, then no I wouldn't forgive.
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kazarina
Thanks I'm not the only one then that puts high Ethics, morals & respect on a best friend friendship. Thanks for your response.
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I'm fine, Kazarina. No one has done those things to me, but it would be really hard for me to forgive them. Right now I'm struggling very hard to forgive my, gulp, dad. (I seldom call him anything but "sperm donor.") I'm not sure I can do it, but I am trying so hard... I took a short break because I was too sensitive. Doing better now...for a while at least.

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kazarina
If you have to fight with your conscious to forgive then it isn't time yet. I know anger & bitterness can eat away at you & cause stress but also trying to make yourself go against your principles & forgive before you can can also cause turmoil. You are going against your gut instincts. Your brain is trained by nature to protect yourself, not make yourself vulnerable. If I was you I would cut yourself some slack & put off trying to decide to forgive at this point in time.
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are you having a Friend problem tell me all u asking about!

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kazarina
No but I have wiped 7 really good friends in the last 18 months because 1 slept with a guy I was seeing. Another borrowed $200 off me & refused to return belongings I had lent her worth $ 250 as well. Another 1 got me to make their mum $290 of pandora style jewelry then never paid me even though they got the jewelry. Another took 2 months to pay back $200 that I lent them when it was an overnight loan till their dole came in.
Then another was willing to go with my boyfriend two days after we split up without knowing how things stood between me & him & never even told me she had accepted. And lastly a couple that were homeless & I worked with damaged a bedroom of carpet & left without paying the $350 to replace it. Now I don't take in the homeless, lend money, I don't have a boyfriend & I don't hand over jewellery till they pay me at the same time. So I have learnt from it & would never be friends with any of them again.
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Very understandable, Kazarina. They don't deserve forgiveness from you. But if it becomes a burden, the anger I mean, let it go if you can.
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kazarina
Yes you are right. Time will allow for that to happen. But from past experience it does take bout 4 years before it goes. I think that is because I have such high expectations of loyalty of anyone I class as a best friend. I return the same high degree of loyalty that I expect. Down here in the country they seem to have different rules & maybe I was a magnet for the bludgers of this world.
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I'd rather be you with high loyalty, generosity, and love than them with disloyalty, dishonesty, and hate. Like you said on an earlier answer somewhere...karma! I wouldn't want theirs, what they did was a terrible blot on their karma and they'll have to pay dearly for it. I believe, and this is going to make me sound like a nutcase, but I do believe that my sperm donor returned as a rattlesnake. He's got a really long way to go before he reaches peace.
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Yeah she freaking betrayed me by telling her friend about her which what I said wasnt really harmful shes just a drama queen that overreacted but it's ok strangely we went from best friends to friends to bf & gf -.-

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kazarina
Thanks for your reply.
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Np
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I dont know what you mean by that... But... Once my friend randomly kicked me, shoved my head into snow then bit my back... So later at night when he was asleep I put his hand into warm water... Guess what it does :)... after that we were even and the friendship (I think) was fine...

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Yes, he made a false, detrimental statement about me to the police and never admitted to doing it. I forgave him, we talked very briefly about it (he claimed they did not report his statement accurately), and then we went on to being friends. However, I have not allowed myself to be as vulnerable to him as I once was. (He does not know there is any difference because we moved farther apart in the meantime.)

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kazarina
Yes we seem to expect loyalty sometimes & it isn't there on both sides. I would believe you would be kind enough to forgive even though you didn't forget. I'm afraid I don't forgive easily.
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Just for me, I can't remember to hold a grudge. There have to be benefits to growing old...lol! You are very kind and gentle yourself, you can let go of the pain; it will make you happier to let it go than to hold onto it. And the person you are angry with isn't going to suffer from your pain, so take care of yourself. There are other people who deserve your giving heart, kindness, and loyalty, turn to them and shine on them, my Heart Sister.
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kazarina
Yes I agree letting go of what they did is healthier for me but when I see these people in the street I hold eye contact with them & they always look away. That makes me feel better. Lol
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That's my girl!!!
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Lied and i got on that person about it and i did forgive them

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kazarina
I wait for Karma.
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That works too.
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kazarina
It's good when your around to see it.
I had to wait 16 years for Karma to come back on my ex husband. It was worth waiting for.
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Hurrah! I get very frustrated that I don't get to see it sometimes. But I'm stupid about it, so it's probably better that I don't.
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Hey, Toots, I'm going to have to call it a night. Maybe I'll catch you tomorrow, okay?
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kazarina
Night, sleep well
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Well when I was little my best friend asked me for a dollar, and I said okay but make sure you pay me back. She never did and I was still kind of mad at her for it, but I acted like I forgave her. A while after that it was field day, and we had to tie-die are shirts. She didn't have a shirt so I gave her a newly bought packet for $3. She asked her mom for the money and gave it to me. I asked her about the other dollar she owed me, and she wouldn't pay me. I stopped talking to her a while after that. We don't talk anymore. Another friend I had stole my snack out of my back pack and put it in her nasty sock. I stopped talking to her a while after that. This all happened while I was young though, and I never lent money out and expect to get it back since then. I am happy I learned my lesson with only a $1 loan and not $250, $200, or $100 like others... My uncle also didn't pay me back $5 when his son broke my toy when I was 7. I learned then not to let little kids bother my stuff, because people don't like to pay for what their kids break, even if its a small amount of money.

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