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I'd be okay with it until the subject of having kids came up.
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miss_JT77:
4 months ago
via iPhone
That makes sense , thank you . I know he wants kids .
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Afraid of commitment
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miss_JT77:
4 months ago
via iPhone
No I am quit capable of commitment, I am a loyal person but I own my own home have a daughter who's father died when she was a baby from cancer. and grew up in a family full of divorce. I am capable of committing but don't want or need the paper work .
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Jaser5332:
4 months ago
via iPhone
The truth always help that's why ya need to set & took
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I'd be hurt and really wonder if that person loved me like they said they do. I'd have put an extreme amount if thought and debate into marriage before asking
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miss_JT77:
4 months ago
via iPhone
I don't want to hurt him , I'd never hurt anyone on purpose let alone someone I love.
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You're in a tough spot I'm sure. If you're not into marriage you shouldn't get married either. I wish you luck. You sound like a great person
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preppyboy:
4 months ago
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Last edited at 5:21PM on 1/5/2013
well, he loves you enough to ask you to spend the rest of your life with him, so that you can take care of eachother under the blessing of God, that is what marriage is supposed to be, and it is a commitment, so you might have commitment issues based on the fact that the idea of spending the rest of your life with someone scares you, or the idea of that relationship failing scares you, but remember this "of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness", you need to not be so cautious, if you need help sorting it out, i'm available in the comment section, i'll do my best to help you
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miss_JT77:
4 months ago
via iPhone
I do love him very much but I come from a family that everyone is divorced. I also have a daughter and watched her father lose his battle to cancer shortly after her first birthday .When I am in a relationship I fully commit my self but my first commitment is to my daughter . I have worked hard for our home and our life and don't want to jeopardize that in anyway . I don't want to lose someone who I love and who has been amazing to me and my daughter either . Sorry vent , bad night just confused.
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preppyboy:
4 months ago
no problem, its as i thought, you come from a broken home, and a rather broken life filled with many trials and heartaches, you have now been beaten down to the point where you believe you cant take another loss, it would be too damaging, am i correct? if so, then realize this, the wounds of love are healed by love itself, just as the wounds of loss are healed by the effect of gain, it is obvious to me, that the man who has asked you to marry you, is a Godsend, perhaps even a reward for bearing all the trouble the world has wreaked on your life, i understand your first commitment being to your daughter, and its quite admirable, but you dont have to shoulder everything, this man wishes to help you, to take some of that load you are carrying off of your shoulders, if you are both willing to commit to fixing any problem that may arise by working together, your relationship will never fail, and nothing will ever be jeopordized because you both know that you have each other to fall back on when your strength gives out. I can tell that you cant see life without this man there, you know who he is supposed to be in your life, now is the time to allow your fears to slip away, and trust in him, he is offering you a real chance at happiness, and a better life, filled with more love, and all you have to do in order to take this happiness, is make sure you both understand, that if you say yes, then its forever, that you will always work things out, no matter how dark the road ahead looks, fear is the mind and the heart killer, in order to find the path you must take, you must let go of your fears.
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miss_JT77:
4 months ago
via iPhone
I have no idea how old you are but you seem wise beyond your years . I joined this site as a distraction a month ago but never expected such pure honesty and great advise , thank you . Your words will stay with me even though I can barely see the screen through my tears , you're an amazing person . Sincerely thank you for your time .
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preppyboy:
4 months ago
it was my pleasure, thank you for the kind complements
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lololoves:
4 months ago
Prep is just a baby. :) lol And, yes, you always amaze me with your words, Prep. You will make a woman very happy one day. (when your old enough. :)
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preppyboy:
4 months ago
haha, thank you @lololoves, and yeah, i am pretty young to have so many "wise words" about love and life
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lololoves:
4 months ago
yes..well, at your young age, you would make any girl happy as a bf. I was meaning "marriage"..when your old enoughd. :)
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preppyboy:
4 months ago
yeah, i know you were reffering to marriage, i'm actually searching for that girl that i want to marry now, trying to find her early so i dont lose any of the short time that life offers us
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lololoves:
4 months ago
Yes, I know, prep. Oftentimes, they come when we aren't looking. :) I also still advise you to make a list and pray over it. I did this when I was single. (the pastor encouraged everyone to) Let God bring you the perfect person. He knows even more than we do who is (and will be) best for us.
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preppyboy:
4 months ago
i know, and i actually have made that list and been praying over it, i very much liked the advice, it seems to me, to be the best way to include God in the relationship from square one
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lololoves:
4 months ago
Oh, yes. I'm praying for you, too. ;) You should ask your parents to pray over your future wife, if you haven't. I pray for my girls. :)
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preppyboy:
4 months ago
i think i might just do that, thank you for the wonderful idea, i appreciate it :)
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preppyboy:
4 months ago
and your prayers, of course, are greatly appreciated, i need all the help i can get
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lololoves:
4 months ago
Yes, we all do. ;) I believe God is working on your future wife right now, behind the scenes. ;)
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preppyboy:
4 months ago
i hope so, well, thanks again, have a nice night :)
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lololoves:
4 months ago
This day and age with the divorce rate so high, it's common for people to be afraid of marriage. (and especially, if they came from a broken home) Also, what are your ages? That can make a difference.
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miss_JT77:
4 months ago
via iPhone
I am in my early 30's so is he , yes I come from a broken home . I have no issues with being completely committed to one person . I just don't want to get married . I don't think this should end our relationship. If he loves me he should accept this about me . I'm hurting so bad right now I don't like hurting him . I don't understand why this would push him away .
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lololoves:
4 months ago
Well,how long have you been together? At your age, neither of you are getting younger. He may want a family. It's tough if you aren't interested in marriage but he wants it, for you to make him stay in a relationship. I have a friend who was doing this with her bf bc she was afraid to marry again. (was married twice before). I would encourage her to not string him along bc it wasn't fair for him. She ened up getting pregnant and married him this summer, afterall. But, she is very happy. She realized she was just afraid. You need to really think about what you are afraid of. Write a list of the pros and cons of getting married. Can you live without him? To be honest, I was a bit afraid of getting married, too. It's a huge decision. But, Ive been married 18 years now.
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lololoves:
4 months ago
How is he with our daughter? BTW, my gf who finally married after much fear, also, was a mother to 3 kids. I would ask her, 'Can you live without him? And, don't marry someone you can live with but marry someone you can't live without."
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miss_JT77:
4 months ago
via iPhone
He is amazing with my daughter , takes things slow with her but always puts her needs first . I really love and appreciate that about him .
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miss_JT77:
4 months ago
via iPhone
I don't think I want to live without him . He's my best friend .
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lololoves:
4 months ago
You sound like my gf. lol Her man is amazing and wonderful with her kids. You really can't find that often. LIke I had mention, make a list and really think about what you are afraid of. Be honest and talk about these fears with him. Communication is key in any relationship. You can always go to counseling to get extra support and help. My husband and I were involved in church and we went to pre-engagement counseling before we got engaged. Then, we also had premarital counseling. Some people think it's not romantic. But, it really helps ease any questions and helps for no surprises after marriage. We had talked about EVERYTHING. Marriage to me, ended up being very peaceful, after I did. ;)
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miss_JT77:
4 months ago
via iPhone
Thank you for your advise and time , I really appreciate it. Don't expect to find truly caring people over the Internet. It means a lot to me right now.
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lololoves:
4 months ago
Oh, yes. I love to help in any way. And, I understand. :)
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pennman:
4 months ago
You can get opinions, suggestions, and perhaps even "answers" from people, on this matter... But in all truth, the best answer is the truth. And in my humble opinion, the only person who has the honest answer (and accurate answer)to this conundrum, would be your partner.
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miss_JT77:
4 months ago
via iPhone
No worries and either way you're right , I need to talk to him.
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JustMeOnMars:
4 months ago
Well, if I were him, I would wonder what the difference is between marriage and a commitment. Every life has the loss of people you love, no matter what.You have to enjoy them while you can because you just don't know...
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