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What is a funny story or joke you have?

I need some cheering up, thank you. :)

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OK....I was like 9 years old and it was Thanksgiving and we were at my Gramma's house, the entire family was there, we all got done stuffing our faces and after dinner all the kids went in the spare room to play, well, my cousin had suggested that him and I have a fart contest and I agreed, I got about 2 farts out and I thought I had a third, but I didn't, there was no air left so when I squeezed......well......I filled my pants with turds, in a state of embarrassed shock I headed for the bathroom.....in order to get to the bathroom I had to pass through the living room where ALL the adults were sitting and chatting....I flew through the living room and made it to bathroom....while I'm in the bathroom with a heart full of panic my cousin had apparently explained to EVERYONE what had happened because from the bottom of the stairs I hear my Dad yell up to me "How's it goin up there HERSHEY SQUIRTS?".....yeah.....I no longer participate in fart contests.......

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It was me when you voted for it earlier....it didn't change....8)
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Haha Thanx for the story:)
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ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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My friend, Armando,was once called a pussycat (they didn't say cat). He responded with "I am what I eat."

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hahahahaha
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boondox4l
thats so old lol
one day me and my freind wre walking and then we saw a girl and cat on thier front deck and he yelled
(P*ssy on deck)
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boondox4l
were
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Erhhmnn. @_@
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Great. That sounds interesting.
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Very classy. Lol. :)
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Yes, the definition of class.
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boondox4l
im all class
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Of course you are boon..of course you are.. :)
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It's funny to men. They are just born that way.
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Sharpie1, you aren't being rude, you are stating your opinion.
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boondox4l
@ sharpie1 you need to be a lil per*erted to like the joke
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Not really.. Just not so easily offended. It is funny sometimes.
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Sometimes......
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Don't be sorry. You did no wrong.
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boondox4l
why apologize he said its kool
be proud of your self you stated how you feel
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Ok come on this thread of comments is quite hilarious.
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Tacos.
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boondox4l
WTF
and it continues
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Yes I know.I was hoping my random Taco would throw them off.
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...and goes on.... And on.
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Keep on bringing the nonsense, you guys! Lol jk.
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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his entire family.

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a scorpion.

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boondox4 making me listen to in between - boondox hahahahahahahahahaha

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boondox4l
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i put it on my playlist XD
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boondox4l

NAFTA dont let it lose at the dinner table to night
his family called him hershy Squirts

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LMAO!!! You just can't help yourself can ya????
I'm gonna go find the story and re-post it since I told the story to someone here just the other day.....
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boondox4l
kool
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boondox4l
please do i wanna hear it again
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It's down there......
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you want to hear an exciting story...!!!

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I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu

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Haha:)
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Cool Story Bro!
Tell It Again!!!

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well i know a ton of one liner racist jokes (oddly enough they were all told to me by black people who just found humor in them) but i doubt you want to hear those, so.

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."

The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

look in the comment section for other funny ones

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On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback sits at a traffic light next to a kid on a shiny new bike.

The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid says, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year, tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike."

The cop then issues the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the d**k underneath the horse, instead of on top."
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A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.

Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"

St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
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A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
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Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns.

Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred sing: "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"
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Haha thanks:)
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no problem
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SuperGeek64

Justin Bieber has talent.

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How can I give 10 stars to this?
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SuperGeek64
Sadly you can't :(
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ares15
make 10 different accounts
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Once me and my friend Sydney were at a store and I played music as we danced and sang

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A reverse of a dumb blonde joke:
A blonde walks into a bank (in NYC) and then asks for a loan for $ 5000. She uses her Rolls Royce against the loan. Everyone at the bank thinks she is stupid. She comes back two weeks later and pays the loan +some interest($15.86). A banker then says "as much as I enjoyed your business, why did you use a $250,000 car against a $5000 loan?". She responds "where else can I get two week parking IN NYC for 15 bucks".
You would've had to live (or visit) in NYC to understand this.

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Once me and my bro put glue in my cousins cup of what he thought was milk and got it all in his mouth lol :)

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Funny? Hmm.. Well today i was running to class with thise girl. I guess were friends. But as soon as i opened the door i hit her boob on accident, and she yelled "Ow, my booby!" As we walked in. I laughed so hard... The class was like wtf.. You shouldve been there... Lol

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
On November 5th, about a quarter till 10, Ben, the well rounded and respected rooster came home after a long day of work. Yet he did not come home to his loving family and a delicous dinner. He came home to an empty house and a note saying his wife (Martha) and 3 kids, had left for another man with more time to spend. At the bottom of the note wrote " Please do not follow us. It's better this way.". Ben, knowing his wife, knew she always wrote in cursive, not print. This must have been a kidnapping. Ben's first guess was that it was Martha's last boyfriend whom she'd left for Ben himself. He spent hours upon days researching Johnathon Cock ( Marthas Ex) until he pin pointed his exact location. Finally reaching his destination, he hurried into an abandoned barn in which his resources had told him was John's new hideout. Ben slammed open the doors and shot down every rooster insigh, exept for the shady figure sitting in the shadow of the hay bales. (to be continued in comments)

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"So, you came back for your wifey and kids, right?" he heard Johnathan's taunting voice growl. "WHERE ARE THEY JOHN? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" screamed Ben with as much gusto as he could must. "Why you're too late." That was when Ben noticed that bucket of KFC chicken on the other side of the room. Hot and Ready. With rage he shot at John a dozen times, even after he was clearly deceased. John then went home, depressed and alone. Not only was his family dead, but he had commited several murders himself in one night. Was he no better himself? Falling into a dark, grey depression, Ben saw no other way out. He walked out, miles after miles to the exact same street he drove on to the abandoned barn. Standing in the middle of the road he waited. The dark night rustled in his feathers and the cool wind wept down his back. Finally, he looked up and saw a blinding flash of light. Just before his death, he heard a soft "You're finally home daddy! You're finally home...." almost as if his family was whispering into his ear from the great heavens. Ben then closed his eyes, and began to count upwards. He never made it to 3.
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that is the saddest story of a rooster i have ever heard. :'(
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My youngest daughter now 14 at the age of 5 asked me about the big "where do babies come from" question I responded with from mommy's belly! she then asked "how did it get in there" I told her that when mommy's and daddy's went to sleep sometimes babies would just happen (I was clueless at what to say of course)
that night she came in our bedroom screaming "Don't go to sleep I don't want another sister!!!!!!!" for about a month she ranted about us sleeping in the same bed so until she forgot I slept on the couch. boy did my mouth get me in a pickle!

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my cat was running in my house and he slipped(my floor is REALLY slippery) and he fell down the stares(my stares are curly stares)!!!!!!! XD X3 :D :3

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once when I was like 11 I was at my friends house and we were playing with barbies. She had a Barbie swimming pool and we decided to use it. we were home alone so we set it up in her room. we put like 2 towels down under it then made the barbies swim in it. my friend kept trying to drown my Barbie. after we were done I picked up the pool. It had kind of flimsy sides so when I picked it up on 2 sides water started pouring out of the other tow sides. it got all over her carpet. I poured the remaining water down the sink but I poured it to fast so it shot up so I had to clean her bathroom. then we blow-dried her carpet. when her mom got home luckily we weren't in trouble but it was so funny.

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nice!
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one day a blonde, brunet, and a red head were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks. the blonde said,"look, deer tracks!" Then the brunet said,"No, those are elk tracks!" And then the red head, "I'm not stupid, those are moose tracks!" And they were still arguing when they got run over by the train.

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