I think I have issues/depression, help why should I do?
I am a 14 year old girl. from 4th-8th grade I was teased almost every day for being fat and I still have self image and insecurity problems. I also have problems trusting people, actually I don't trust anyone, at all whatsoever. ( ex: when someone compliments me i dont know how to react and i dont know if they are sincere or mocking+ if I hear laughter and I dont know what it's about I automatically think there laughing at me) I changed schools in 6th gradebut then all of new my teachers hated me including the principal because I didn't know how to follow rules and I was atheist in a catholic school( my previous school was kind of hippie school, with very few rules)+ I have a rebellious nature. I became a mean person sarcastic person, I felt like was in a emotional shell that I couldnt break out of no matter what I did. now I'm in highshool and I still have many of these problems. I'm still super insecure and sarcastic, and I accidentally insult people all the time. Ive never had a boyfriend, or been liked by a guy ( i have guy friends though and i feel like i connect with them better than most of my girl friends). I have to supress the urge to cry constantly. i also have think I might have an eating disorder( I make myself puke sometimes and only eat small amounts for meals. ex: today 2 apples+ 1 slice of pineapple+ tons of coffee+some chicken thing.) I also stopped readings and only watch tv because when I watch tv I don't have to think. I watch tv from the time I get home till I'm so tired that I physically cant keep my eyes open and I fall asleep.( I can't function without coffee in the morning) also recently I have been drinking, not enough to be drunk just enough to hinder emotions. ( 2-3 tequila shots+some champagne) I also feel guilty for being sad because I'm kind of rich and I feel like I have every material thing thy I could want and I shouldn't I be unhappy. sorry this was so long, I kind of told my life story here :), I don't have a therapist or anything because I'm scared to ask for one and I don't trust school councilors and I'm really good at hiding this so no one knows... ( most people apparently think I'm an "annoying bitch who complains all the time" so any advice would help, I'm tired of feeling like this every day.