It does make you sound troubled, but a lot of us want that too. Like they say, hindsight is 20/20. What you do in your past makes you the person you are today. If you didn't have a past, you wouldn't be you, and there would never have been someone as great. I don't know you, but I'm sure you're a wonderful person, as is everyone who tries to do something with their lives. Even people who aren't rich or successful, it's what you do that makes you count as a person.
Redstar, I responded to your other question about the past. And I'm going to respond again. You're too young to imagine things will get better. Your brain is still maturing and so many young people, therefor, can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are alive; you didn't die. There's a reason for that! If you can't afford therapy, at least see your counselor and open up to her-all the way.