Submit a question to our community and get an answer from real people.
Submit

I dont know if i should break up with my girlfriend or not

I love her with all my heart and we have been dating for almost 16 months now but there are 3 problems. Her dad and i got into a fight simply because he was being stubborn so now i just wont tolerate being in his presence anymore. the second and third is that she is really immature and as much as i hate to say it stupid for her age. she is just like her parents as a matter of fact. she is still in high school (i'm in college) so i guess there is hope she will mature and get smarter when she gets into college but idk. I just don't know what to do.

Report as
SkylarTheBear

Think about what you love about her. Would you give up your life for her ? Do you actually love her or is it just because your so used to her? I think you should think about her. Ignore her parents , your not dating them but her. Do like her immaturity? Think , would you marry her if you had the chance? The point is you might not love her , but be used to her. Think about your good moments , and if you would rather think of her as friend you dont love her. Just think , it might not be love :)

Helpful (4) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
thank you for your insight. and to answer some of those. i thought her immaturity was cute at first because i was the same way, but i have matured and she hasn't. i would have married her six months ago, but i'm not so sure now. i know i love her, but the cons are slowly building up and out weighting the pros. and while i agree with that i'm not dating her parents, they dont have to let us be together. i dont have a car and her car is in her dad's name and he has already threatened to not let her see me anymore and i just dont want to be that boyfriend the parents hate and talk bad about in that small town setting.
Report as
SkylarTheBear
I think you should go. Become friends. Maybe she feels the same way ? The problems are adding and adding and if would not want to marry her as of this second its not love . I know it may be hard , but think of it , if you where friends. You cant accept her , so you cant love her basically
Report as
Add a comment...

You say you love this girl, but yet you say she's 'immature' and 'stupid for her age'? Personally, I think it sounds like you don't love her at all. If you really loved this girl you would accept her for what she's like and at least try to tolerate her father.

Helpful (4) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (3)
Report as
I do love her and i dont appreciate you questioning my love for her. I'm only considering this a mild set back, and as far as her dad is concerned, here was what happened with that situation. the jist of it is he abandoned my mom in another town and that is something i cant get over. and i do love her even though she is immature and not as smart as me which is why its such a hard decision in the first place. i do love her for who she is but i have alot on my plate at the moment and my "tolerance" is just not what it used to be
Report as
Okay. So if you love her, then keep her. About her dad...well, was it an honest mistake? If it was, could you forgive him? And if you can't, then is your gf worth it to you to struggle with him? I'm sorry for questioning you, I was confused.
Report as
no it was not an honest mistake. my girlfriend and i were together at my house and my mom called me and told me that she needed gas money because she forgot her purse at home. i asked her dad if we could go because it's "his" car as he emphasizes all the time. i told him i would put gas in the tank and we would come right back after we dropped her purse off. he said no and flipped out and started cussing me and how i need to get a car so we dont have to ask him if we can go somewhere. it was like arguing with a ten year old.
Report as
Add a comment...

I agree with Skylar. Don't get me wrong, there's things I don't like about my boyfriend, but they're not important enough that it makes me question our relationship. Really think about if you love her, it's so much easier to just say the words than mean it.

Helpful (4) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (21)
Report as
i do love her and as i said though in my reply to her, the cons are slowly outweighing the pros. and the reason it makes me question our relation ship is i'm a grown man in college getting a start in my career and i feel like i'm dating a little girl. which is how all our parents are starting to act. treating me like i'm some kind of monster to her.
Report as
SkylarTheBear
YaY!! , and from this comment you wrote , I dont think you actually love her. She is just a friend , maybe best. You dont like her immaturity and she is a little girl ? You are used to her , but you know on the inside she is not meant for you :)
Report as
you may be right but its hard to imagine life without her at my side. its killing me just thinking about it. i'm in tears right now.
Report as
SkylarTheBear
If you cant accept who she is , you dont love her . You may consider her a a best friend , someone you cant live without. My friend dated her boyfriend for a long time , at the end it ended up they both felt the same , they both just considered themselves as best friends.
Report as
its a little different situation then because she is head over heals in love with me and i don't feel she would take a break up all that well. and even then i still wouldnt know what to do. she is my first girlfriend, i've never broken up with anyone.

and i can accept who she is. its just hard at a distance. i'm only getting to see her every other weekend for one day and on that one day we are just fine. i can take and love every bit of who she is but in a long distance relationship all we can do is text which we do constantly. thats the only time i have trouble.
Report as
SkylarTheBear
Your relationship is not strong. You hardly see each other and are you really sure she is head over heels ?
Report as
yes she is. and its just because we are so far apart.

i'm also just under alot of stress. i started two jobs to help pay for my college i have alot of classes that require constant studying. its just all too much and its making me weak and so our relationship.
Report as
SkylarTheBear
I cant really decide this , you would have to think deep and hard
do you want her to be with you forever ?
If yes you love her and don't breakup , and if no you don't , you dont love her , as simple as that
Report as
Thank you for your help. It is greatly appreciated
Report as
SkylarTheBear
You welcome :)
Report as
I do love her, but its hard to be away from her. maybe we just need to text less and i need to find a way to deal with my stress. any way i cut it i want to be with her for the rest of my life. i'm still holding on to the hope that she will mature but i will still love her even if she doesn't change.
Report as
SkylarTheBear
Then you love her , she may have flaws but you love her. Learn to accept them , you might even have flaws she does not like. Accept her and you relationship will be better to
Report as
thank you for helping me clear this up. i feel much better now. i'm glad you logged on today lol. thanks again so much
Report as
SkylarTheBear
Im here for a reason , and you are very welcome :)
Good luck browski
Report as
and as luck would have it just found out i can go home this weekend and be with her <3
Report as
SkylarTheBear
awesome , spend time with her
Report as
thanks again. the only way i can thank you is to wish you the same happiness you've given me. :) so happiness to you and good luck in life Skylar the pedo bear
Report as
SkylarTheBear
I sure as hell hope so
Report as
sorry if that sounded creepy i didn't mean it like that lol but i think you got the jist well its time to pack
Report as
SkylarTheBear
you did not XD , so bye I guess :)
Report as
bye to you too but i hope to talk to you again :)
Report as
Add a comment...

Tell her how you feel, but it's your choice to give her a chance or move on.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

If i was her, i would want you to tell me that you thought i was being immature for my age... i have aspergers and my friends and even my exes used to tell me straight up! if you can't tell her than you don't love her because she needs your guidance and help if you were going to marry her!

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (7)
Report as
I did once and it really hurt her feelings and i hate hurting her in any form or fashion so its hard to nudge her gently because she doesn't get it and if i push too hard she gets hurt.
Report as
that's how you know she doesn't trust you and won't learn to trust you! i was like that with one of my most life changing relationships and we had to break it off because i was not able to trust his judgement and i hurt his want to improve our relationship because i was too stubborn to trust that what he was saying was going to make us stronger not tear us apart! (if you understood that i'll be surprised cuz i barely understood lol)
Report as
i understood you. and after she got done being hurt she understood what i was saying but its like she was happy not knowing. you know how it is ignorance is bliss. she does take my advice, but i also know she does have trust issues because her past three boyfriends cheated on her so she is still recovering that so i do spend alot of time reassuring her.
Report as
even so, i was sexually abused 4 different times over the last 3 years.. and i have trust issues... i understand her but it is irrational that she acts like she would rather not know. that is a red flag that she doesn't care! she is pacifying you so that y'all get off the topic! RED FLAG! do what you think is right, but remember all the red flags and cons that you have come up with! if you love her, you love her. if you feel she is too immature than you may need to move on!
Report as
i deffinantly love her and she deserves my time and patients no matter how she dodges important topics. if she doesn't want to talk about it i'll deal with it when i is actually important.
Report as
g2g thanks all for your help
Report as
no problem! here to help! i am going through this with my fiancee and he feels the same way you do!
Report as
Add a comment...
Do you have an answer?
Answer this question...
Did you mean?
Login or Join the Community to answer
Popular Searches