What is going on with me? I feel so confused
I feel utterly alone. I have been struggling with this since I was a child and I'm getting angrier and angrier because I feel like nobody is taking me seriously. I'm 20 years old and I'm on the verge or leaving my work because I can't keep going back and forward. I hate to admit it but I do think about suicide it's something that is always on my mind but I'm too scared to do it I don't want to die and have everything think of me as suicidal and depressed or even attention seeking. I have attempted it twice but wasn't enough to even put me in A&E. I had my hormoans tested and they all came back normal. Some days I feel like I can do anything I can go out and party and flirt with guys one time I took way too much cocaine because I was having such a good time and it was the first time taking it. Then I get days like this were there is just no point I feel cursed I feel alone I want to cry but I can't and the doctors wont take me seriously. Please someone tell me what might be going on or what can I do if the doctors wont help me?