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How can I stop feeling bad and realize I am making the right decision to divorce a verbally-physically abusive man?

I've seen an attorney. police will serve papers and he will be forced to leave. I've tried for years to repair arguments and/or ask for him to go to anger management. I've read books on DV and verbal abuse and all the signs and red flags are there. so why do I feel bad? I'm watching him interact with kids and know this will never be the picture again. I guess that's what makes me feel sad, that I will be taking this away from him. but then logically I can say I've done everything possible to work things out and he continues to get worse verbally and threatens to take the children when I bring up an amicable divorce (ya right). I'm not taking the children away, he is. but that's a blame game. can I rightfully say this is his doing? I am the kind of person who wants everyone to be happy, and everything to work out so I'm struggling here and looking for some solid advice.

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Easy...if you stay with him, your kids are next for the verbal and physical abuse. By staying with him, you are teaching them that this type of behavior is acceptable and normal. Do you want them to grow up and end up in this same situation? Your children have to come first...

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Very true. Good answer.
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Nice one kuuipo
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Well said
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Thank you. 8)
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My children are number one. I am concerned about them during visitations. I know what's happening with then at home at least, which is why I've stayed with this person for as long as I have. I just hope the kids don't feel an awful loss when he's not around every night. And yes, I can't help but put myself in his shoes and imagine what he is about to go through. He will be unexpectedly forced from the home and not allowed to see the kids for a two week "cooling off" period. I'd go nuts if I were kept away from my children and this is what's disturbing me so much. I don't want to be hurtful to him in this way but feel I've been left with no other choice than to go through the legal system. When I talked divorce with him before he told me to leave and I could visit the kids every other weekend. Nice eh? I've been a stay at home mom for three years. Those babies are obviously dependent on me yet he is vindictive. Wish things could be easier, but I'm in for a scary ride I feel. Thanks for listening :-)
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its only natural to feel bad,you probably will for a while,as you said you tried its not your fault it is his doing

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Thank you, I'm sure this is part of the process.
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He is doing it to himself. It may be hard but something needs to be done. I'm also somebody who doesn't like to tell people when they're wrong, but for what's at stake here you have to do it. Perhaps it will be an eye opening experience for him as well...

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Thank you. He is going to be enraged that he was forced from the home and cannot see the kids every night. I'm not looking forward to what is about to unfold. I know this needs to happen and I'm hoping when things settle he will keep the focus on being a good parent rather than revenge? Thank you for your advice.
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If he is verbally/physically abusive to you then that could very quickly and also include your children, for this reason alone you should not feel guilty. You never know when this "type" of person will snap. You also have to do this for yourself before it potentially gets worse. It's never good to have children subject to that type of behavior! Good luck!

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Yes, you're right. Probably why I've stayed as long as I have. At least I know what's happening when they are home. I'm worried about visitations, when that part comes. Sad situation all the way around. Thank you for your answer
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think of how this affecting ur family, whether it be your kids, a brother or sister, your aunt or uncle, and then think about what your parents would say. and by all meanes absolutely quite trying 2 repair ur relationship. HE IS NOT WORTH IT. get out. run and don't look back. its not cowardice its self protection. if u don't get out now he will heart u physically and emmotionly. now go get off the computer and pack youre bags and move to a different state. and nxt time pick a better guy, but if u don't get away now there wont b a nxt time NOW GO!!!

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Now who's bossy (lol)
I hear you, I will never place my self in a situation like this again. We have two small kids, they are my main concern really. And I just don't like hurting others.
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don't say WE, have to kids. Say I have 2 kids. dont associating yourself with him. and make your kids your main concern. Everything else its adult stuff. its stuff kids don't need to know about. its stuff they don't need to understand. atleast not for a while. they need 2 have a child hood and not have to come home from school or whatever and worry there moms gonna get heart. they have there WHOLE lives in front of them. don't allow them to think its ok to let people treat them like this or for them 2 treat others like this. they are your main priority protect your kids above all else. get them out of there!!!
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I am the exact same way. It doesn't matter how badly someone treats me, I want everyone to just be happy and everyone to get along and so on and so forth, but there comes a point where you need to ask yourself, what about me? What about my happiness? What about my emotional health? I think you can feel better and like you're making the right decision by trusting your intuition and logic. In a healthy and balanced relationship, you would NOT feel this way. There comes a point where you need to have some love and respect for yourself, and accept no less than that from others. Trust what you've read, and what you feel. Know that you've tried everything you can, and be content with that. Getting some counseling help would probably be beneficial. Good luck! Sounds like you're already on the right track.

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Thank you, you're a sweetheart and very wise for a young lady. I'm looking forward to no longer living in a hurtful situation, guess I'm hoping the children will be ok with a new kind of relationship with their dad. I know they will.
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You're welcome :) and thanks. I speak from experience, I hear where you're coming from. Never stay in that kind of situation if you have the choice. I think you'll feel much much better when he's gone from your life. And I'm positive your kids will benefit from your choice. The kids need you to be emotionally healthy as much as you need it. Also no doubt this is a good example for them: never put up with anyone that treats you less than what you deserve :)
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Get into therapy.
If not, research "Stockholm syndrome."
God bless you for getting out of a dysfunctional relationship.

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Yes I'm aware of your reference, I've been reading everything I can get my hands on lately. Personally leaving him is no problem, it's just the kids and their relationship with him I'm struggling with at this point. Thanks for answering
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