Submit a question to our community and get an answer from real people.
Submit

Is finding the right spouse is a matter of fate rather than choice?

I need your opinion guys! thanks

Report as

Forget fate. It's a combination of three things: choice, judgment, and commitment.

Choice is the easy bit. Find somebody you want to be with.

Judgment is trickier because once you've made your choice the emotions come into play, as they should. You have to decide whether this is really the person with whom you want to share your ENTIRE life.

Commitment is where love and life blend. It's the determination to meld so that two people become a single unit, albeit with two minds, two personalities, two individual lives within that unit. It's understanding each other and adjusting to each other. It's NOT about giving up all the things you enjoy being or doing -- you still need to be yourself.

After more than fifty years in a happy marriage, it sometimes feels like a juggling act, and it takes two people to keep all the balls in the air at the same time.

It's well worth the effort.

Helpful (4) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
Brava.
Report as
Thanks you, Kitten. It's a field in which I've been lucky enough to have some experience.
Report as
Add a comment...

Finding a right spouse is a matter of choice rather than fate. This is because when finding your life time partner, you need to set your goals on the kind of partner you will need and then find someone who has almost the qualifications you looking out for.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (3)
Report as
but what if Love is involve, what if you fall in love with someone who doesn't have/possess any qualifications you've made, do you think you will leave that person whom you love and find someone else who complies your set standards?
Report as
I agree
Report as
Love is irrational. You may be in love with someone who isn't as in love with you, I've known people who were in love with companions who mistreated them. The "right one" has to be decided upon.
Report as
Add a comment...

I think its a choice... idk never happened to me..

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
okay, thank you :)
Report as
Add a comment...

It's choice

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
why?
Report as
There are millions of people you could be perfectly compatible with, fall inlove with, marry and spend the rest of your life with; it's coincidental that you happen to be so compatible.
Report as
Add a comment...

Aaauugghhhh! No. Not a choice. You ultimately decide who you are going to be with. But fate or God or kismet or serendipity or whatever is what brings you to the love of your life. The most important thing is to find yourself. Be the best version of you that you can. Don't look for someone else to "complete" you. Complete yourself. Then when you find the one who you'll spend the rest of your life with. It'll be amazing!!

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
It is absolutely a choice. Fate, if you accept that, may throw two people together, but is incumbent on their decisions to remain so.
Report as
But you don't get a check list to find the right guy! I'm not my husbands ideal type and he's not mine. But we are awesome together. We click. If we had gone looking for what we thought we wanted we wouldn't have looked at each other. And we have been together 35 years. And he still makes my heart beat faster.
Report as
Add a comment...

There is no question it's a choice. If you are successful in attracting the opposite gender, there are choices to be made. Is he or she compatible, am I happy around them, do they show comparable interest on me? Finding the right one is an ongoing process of selection.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

I think fate chance or whatever brings certain people together but you would have to make that choice to be with "the one". I read a story of 2 people in Alaska who lived in very remote areas and never met, one day they each were going int town for appointment and supplies and the only 2 cars for miles and yet they crashed into each other. Ok coincidence, so they exchange info and go on their ways, just a little fender bender. Hours later upon completing their tasks they're Each headed home and again 2 people in the middle of nowhere have a second accident on the same day. As a result of these chance encounters the two had at the end if the story been dating and were engaged. So is it a choice? what are the odds of those two meeting twice in one day living in Alaska vast remote areas. they just happened to complete their task and be heading home at the same time, same place

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

'Fate' is for weak minds. It takes away all personal responsibility. If you believe everything happens by 'fate' then you arent responsuble for anything, you dont have to do anything. Everything that happens is due either to a choice made by you or by another person. 'Fate' is a complete cop out.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Here is the definition of fate

fate [feyt] Show IPA noun, verb, fat·ed, fat·ing.
noun
1. something that unavoidably befalls a person; fortune; lot: It is always his fate to be left behind.
2. the universal principle or ultimate agency by which the order of things is presumably prescribed; the decreed cause of events; time: Fate decreed that they would never meet again.
3. that which is inevitably predetermined; destiny: Death is our ineluctable fate.
4. a prophetic declaration of what must be: The oracle pronounced their fate.
5. death, destruction, or ruin.

Fate has nothing to do with finding a mate. That is purely choice. What most people call fate is simply a coincidence.
You choose someone who interests you.
You choose to be with said person if feelings are mutual.
You choose to work on a relationship.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Choosing the right mate is definitely a decision. It is not controlled by fate. Similar to what auxarcs said, those that believe in fate tend not to accept responsiblity for anything. What should you look for at this stage?To answer that question, imagine two musical instruments, perhaps a piano and a guitar. If they are correctly tuned, either one can produce beautiful solo music. Yet, what happens if these instruments are played together? Now they must be in tune with each other. It is similar with you and a prospective mate. Each of you may have worked hard to “tune” your personality traits as individuals. But the question now is: Are you in tune with each other? In other words, are you compatible?

Marriage is a gift from God. (Genesis 1:27,28) However, it is possible to make the wrong decision when it comes to choosing a marriage mate. Which is why so much has to be taken into consideration.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

If you are thinking seriously about marriage, you would do well to ask yourself, 'Am I really ready?' The answer does not simply lie in your feelings about love, sex, companionship, or child rearing. Rather, there are specific goals that each prospective husband or wife should think about. Each mate needs to be ready to care for the special needs of the other. Philippians 2:4
"Let each of you look not to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Revised Standard). Paul wrote: "Let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband." Ephesians 5:33. Under divine inspiration, Paul saw that the man has a special need to sense his
wife's deep respect for him. And the women has a special need to feel loved by her husband.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...
Do you have an answer?
Answer this question...
Did you mean?
Login or Join the Community to answer
Popular Searches