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tay_laynn: 3 months ago

My boyfriend doesn't have a job and still freeloads off his parents all he does all day while I'm at work is play Xbox. What should I do ?

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Answer 1

Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

You chose him. I'm sure he didn't have a job when the two of you met. I'm sure he "freeloaded off his mom and played Xbox all day while you were at work" before you met him. You don't like what you've chosen, either deal with it, or find someone new.

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tay_laynn: 3 months ago

Actually he had a really good job when we met, we've been dating 8 months now and 3 months ago he got laid off and now he doesn't seem to care to get another job

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Is he getting unemployment? If so, let him draw it for awhile.

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tay_laynn: 3 months ago

no he isn't

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Why isn't he? If he got laid off, he's entitled to it.

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tay_laynn: 3 months ago

I told him and he just says its to much paperwork I feel bad cause I really liked him but I don't like how he has changed

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

Hi there Ms CJ, how are ya tonight?

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Hiya T. I'm doing alright. Yourself?

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rustyboilerz: 3 months ago via Android

Truth hurts, but often needs to be said. Great answer Cj. Don't work too hard tonight.

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Thank you rusty, you can bet your booty I won't be! :P

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

I'm doing fairly well, I don't think I've been able to talk to you since you pulled a double, I hope everything went alright.

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Mom came out of surgery great. They actually sent her home the very next day.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

That's great, I was thinking of you and her that day. She's blessed to have you :)

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koichan: 3 months ago

I'm very glad to hear that, I was thinking of you, Sistergirl!

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Just wish she knew that.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

How has work been for you? I've been making it home at a more normal time lately.

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Morning fishy! <3

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Works been the same boring stuff. It pays the bills, but that's about it. Wish I could find the time or energy to find a different one. How about for you?

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

Sometimes our parents know, some parents don't know how to express their gratitude. You know it and I know it, guess that will have to suffice for now I guess. Lol, my parents have never been able to express anything positive about me either but they have to see some contrast, I would think, anyway.

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

My mom's an emotional abuser, has been since as far back as I can remember. I'm surprised I turned out the way I did.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

I'm not thrilled about where I'm at or what I'm doing for a living, but like you, I have job security and it pays the bills.

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

How's the work out coming?

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

My parents have always been the same way. When I was about 12 yrs old, I came to the realization that no matter what I did, it would never be enough to please them and it would never make them see me any differently, I think it really helped me once I accepted that.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

And you turned out to be an extraordinary person, if I have to say so myself, I'm impressed and I'm not impressed easily :)

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

I think I'm doing well, after you inspired me, I've been on 5 sets each night I workout. It has cut into my sleep time somewhat, but I'm going to try and do it consistently. How about you?

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Thanks T. A lot of people tell me that, really I just want to hear it from one person ya know? Really stinks that no matter how hard I try, I will never get that. I know it, and can't accept it.

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Last week I missed several days, because of the hour switch, but this week I'm back. Ran 2.25 miles tonight and Saturday night. Skipped Sunday because I thought I was coming down with the flu, but I'm feeling okay tonight. Who knows what happened.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

We have to factor in things like sickness and other things that are beyond our control, it may knock us out of a workout or two but it won't knock us out of continuing to do what we can when we can. I think you're doing an awesome job, if I had to do it before work, I wouldn't make the cut Lol.

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

You're doing a great job too! Up to 5 sets from 3? That's a great accomplishment!

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HaiMai: 3 months ago

Hey girl! Great answer. I too, am familiar with the free-loading boyfriend syndrome.. ;)

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

Yah, it's still in the beginning stage as far as getting mentally acclimated, time will tell. Couldn't have done it without you. Once I do get acclimated to it, I'll probably do it for a few months before I try to increase ANY thing else Lol.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

I was doing 3, sometimes 4. 5 wipes me out physically, but that's a good thing, right?

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

It's a very good thing! :)

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

I think for both of us, we can achieve our goals by merely being consistent with the regimen that we achieved them with the first time, but if we decide that we may be being a little complacent we can exceed our goals. I get excited about the results, maybe one day I'll be able to get excited about what I'm doing to obtain the results Lol. I'm doing better though, I don't dread it as much as I once did.

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

I think, if we could bottle up that feeling we get after a workout, and save it for a time when we don't want to go to the gym, we could make some money T.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

Yah, I'd buy a couple of cases of it Lol. When will you do your next run?

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

I "try" to do it everyday. Thou sometimes life and lazyiness happen. So my next run is tonight, the 19th, at around 9:30 pm.

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

*laziness

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

CJ, the issue with your mom, have you ever wondered how you'll feel if you never hear her express it? Some people have a very difficult time expressing anything positive, they can even say mean and hurtful things, but by holding on to that hope, we're allowing them to emotionally control us to a certain extent, that's how I felt. When I accepted that I would never receive that or have it expressed to me, for whatever reason, I felt like I had broken the emotional control that was being excersized over me.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

Let me know how it goes, the last time that you did, it made me reach a little higher.

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ImYOUnique: 3 months ago

I know she will never tell me what I want to hear. I know she'll never apologize for the hell she put me through. I know these things. But I can't accept them. I don't know why. Everytime I feel like I've "grown the balls" to end our "relationship", I'll do it for awhile, and then she calls me asking for help and I run right to her.
Take this for example. I staid the night with her at the hospital, and gave her a ride to her boyfriends house the next day. I was trying to tell her about my "really dark time" that I had not that long ago. She looks at me and says "How would you feel if you experienced that every year since you were 15, and are now my age? That's how I feel every year in Decemeber". I couldn't talk to her about it, because she changed the entire conversation around to be about her. This is how she is with me. I couldn't talk to her when I was younger, and I still can't talk to her. (This is obviously one of the minor things she's done to me).

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

I know, I'm guessing that you and I have been through some similar things. It was mostly my dad. He has always had a way of making me feel way less than insignificant. In reality, the emotional abuse was much worse than the physica, and the physical was very bad. Tell me about the comment time constraints, I've left several today Lol. I don't have another account, so if I run out, you may have to go to your inbox Lol.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

If I allow myself to listen to my dad, I'll eventually begin to believe what he thinks of me, I can't do that again. It's like walking a tightrope, I still interact with him...it's difficult to be honest, especially with our history

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ImYOUnique: 3 months ago

I believe it was done, because ask.com isn't a social site. I'm not sure thou. I don't like it at all, but then again, I have no pull here. LOL
You're right about emotional abuse, it's much more difficult to deal with than physical. My "real" dad wasn't in the picture much. My mom pushed him away, and he didn't fight. He wouldn't have won even if he did fight, considering he was a drug addict. My step dad was the physical abuser. I couldn't tell you how many times I was drug across the living room by my ears or hair. I caught him several times with his hands around my brothers neck. *sigh*.
And I feel very bad for you if you experienced anything like I have. Some of the things I've been through really make me question my sanity and how I am the way I am.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

You're a very remarkable person, you can believe that. Yah, we did have similar childhoods, I'm sorry you had to go through that as well. It got so bad that I was taken from the home when I was 11. It wasn't just me that went through the physical abuse, it was my mom and brother as well. Like you, I'm polar opposite from that kind of behavior, I'm a very protective person, especially when it comes to my daughter.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

I still have ZERO tolerance for anyone abusing a woman or a child as a result of what I was put through and what I witnessed

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ImYOUnique: 3 months ago

I wish someone would have stood up for me when I was a child. I remember when my youngest brother was born, I would have been 8 years old. My parents put him in bed with me. So at 8 years old, I had a new born and school. Honestly I don't know how in the heck I did it. Makes me even more upset that they grew up to be the way they are.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

It screws your head up. I'm like you, I managed to keep from falling between the cracks, I'm not sure why. No woman or child should have to endure abuse, physical or emotional. I'd go to war for my daughter if I felt anyone was mistreating her in any way. For me, I really believe that realizing that I didn't have to accept the things that were or were not said or expressed, and realizing that there was no excuse for any of it, there could be no justifying it or rationalizing it. I honestly don't know what gave me the courage or the motivation, but I remember how old I was and I remember the exact spot that I was in when I did conclude and accept it, it wasn't easy but I knew that if I allowed myself to believe it was alright that I would continue to hurt.

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ImYOUnique: 3 months ago

I think it has a lot to do with strength. Which is something I lack.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

I'm sorry that you had no one to stand up for you. Now you're like me, you know how to get up with no ones help, no matter how far you've been knocked down.

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ImYOUnique: 3 months ago

Very true.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

No, you don't lack strength, you're a very strong person. It didn't happen over night and it can't be undone over night. Don't ever mistake the fact that you have a heart for weakness, nothing could be further from the truth, don't ever change that. The fact that you have a heart is one of the things that makes you different, in a very good way. Not everyone who has been treated that way can maintain a loving heart, instead, they become hard hearted and bitter.

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Thanks T.

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merrilltom: 3 months ago via iPhone

Well CJ, I'm going to have to bunk down for the night. I hope the rest of your night is wonderful and you're able to get rest when you get home. I enjoyed talking to you as always :)
I'll catch up with you soon and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Good night CJ :)

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Cjkenkel: 3 months ago

Good night sweetie!

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