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To people who have lost their loved ones... What did you do when you lost some one?

How long did you mourn?
how did you feel?
what did you do in order to feel happy?

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I lost my grandmother, who literally was my best friend, when I was 15 years old. I was devastated. How long did I mourn? Well I'm 31 now, and I'm still not "over" her death.

I lost my dad in '05. I was surprised. I was told he had Hep C, and he was bad. I went and visited him in the hospital. He was fine, literally called me on the way there and asked me to pick him up a hot ham and cheese sandwich and Pepsi from Hardees. The whole time I was at the hospital he was making jokes and laughing. He walked me to the front door and when I looked back in the rear view mirror he was waving. Last time I seen him "alive". 4 days later I got a call saying he was in a coma, a day later he was gone. How long did I mourn? I still miss him, but the sting of the hurt is gone. How did I feel? Cheated.

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I'm so sorry CJ. your dad sounds like he was a really great guy. If we just would have known what we were doing to ourselves in those days of freedom and love in the 60's (for me 70's), we wouldn't have lived the wild lives we did. I was reading on Hep C. They've come so far. My Husband's brother is in the top 10 for a transplant but I don't know if he'll make it.
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My dad was on the transplant list, a liver came in while he was in a coma. But by that time he was too far gone. I wish the best for your brother in law.
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Sorry CJ.
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Thanks Bubblious!
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kazarina
Cj from what I know of you on here your strength is to be admired. I see how the human soul takes a beating.
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Thank you kaz.
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my condolences, Shay Jay and i lost our father to a bad heart he had most of his life, and i feel the hardest thing to get past is all the times you wish they were there, like the birth of a child, or a family get together. I still talk to my father when i need to, that always makes me feel close to him again, if you believe they can hear you its a great release :)
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kazarina
Your welcome
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I agree steve1977, I talk to my Dad too.
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yeah i love talking to my Dad Cj, i have been angry before and asked him why did he leave us, and then i amagined the reply "i'm sorry son, i love you". Then i understood he would be mourning as well seeing me so crushed, but these thoughts helped me because i was able to picture my dad crying and letting me know that he didn't want to go. Anyways nowadays i just have general chats like, "hey dad, are you jealous that im way better looking than you?" lol
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Haha, bet he loves that!
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if it were true he would't, lol
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kazarina
Steve, I too talk to my dad & my brother. I ask them for guidance for my son. I ask my brother to stay close to him & keep him out of trouble. They are a lot alike & my son was born on the aniversary of my brothers death 8 years later so my sons birthday is also the aniversary of my brothers death. It's a bitter sweet day for me.
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Cry for a few weeks and let it gradually fade.

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It took me a few weeks to mourn, I guess. I obviously felt upset and lost... And I didn't do anything to make myself happy. I just got through it and cried for days actually. Until I realized she was better off, and out of pain. I still miss her and I always will.. But knowing she isn't in pain anymore is what makes me happy.

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Phlorence_602

The worst news I had when 2013 came, was the death of a friend of mine.
She was on 14 years old. Her death was so silly, it just hurt me just thinking about it.
When I heard that death, I cried and cried. But I stopped, even though it still hurts me, I can't show it. It's so sad that young people live a silly life, and end up, taking their life away.

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Sorry for your loss Phlorence, I too had a girlfriend in school who kiIled herself. She was 15, and did it because her boyfriend broke up with her. At the time I was devastated. But now looking back on it, I feel like she never really cared for me. I don't see how anyone who commits suicide, really cares for anyone but themselves.
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Phlorence_602
I had almost the same situation, just that, this situation is different.
My friend, d!ed on the train line. She was listening to music while standing on the train line. When the train was coming, she didn't hear it. And the train also stops only at the stations. So, she d!ed, stupidly. It really hurts me that she did that, but no be can change anything right ? As they say" If I had known, always comes at last".
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I wish I could hug you right now sweetie. I'm so sorry. Just know that nothing you could have done, would have changed her mind. I tortured myself for years, "What if I called her that night?" "What if I stayed with her that night?" " Why wasn't I a better friend?". Don't do those things. They will hurt you more than anything.
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Phlorence_602
That's the same thing I think about now. It just sucks. She could have prevented everything. She was a sweet and beautiful young girl. Life is just unfair sometimes. She was now about to start her life. I know it's her fault, but I wish, I was around then. I feel so bad about that. I couldn't do anything. Thank you CJ.
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If you ever need to chat, you know where to find me! Chin up sweetie.
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I'm so sorry too Phlorence that you went through this. It doesn't make sense does it and you're right, it's not fair. Someone is here, and then they're just gone-poof, in the blink of an eye. You'll be in my thoughts always.
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Phlorence_602
Thank you.
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I cried & cried & cried when my daddy died. We still mourn him 10yrs later & to feel better, we (my brothers & sisters) talk about him.

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I'm sorry for your loss. xxxx
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me too, for yours. xxx
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He's still with us in spirit shaz
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He looked like a fun guy.
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Wth, Steve's here.
I know Whif, he'll always be with us.
& Punk, he was a heaps fun & funny guy. Steves the most like him, in every way.
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I would of loved to have met your Dad.
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He'd make ya laugh.
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I'm sure.
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This off from what you mean but when I lost my "grandfather (by birth)" I don't feel anything cause I didn't know him. But later I found out all the bad things he did and the person he was even how many times he betrayed my dad uncle and Grandma I was full of anger only to hear that he was going to bribe my parents to name me after that jerk. They turned him down cause I was already going to be named "Joshua" the faithful conqueror and it was the delight of my birth that first opened my dads eyes to see The Lord. I told a friend the otherday I'm fine with any nickname. He said how about Joe or Joseph and I grab his collar looked him in the eyes and said "dont ever call me by such a disgusting name!" He didn't know... He got pretty wide eyed... I'm calm and relaxed and I had a smile but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

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Traumatic. I am sorry!
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It's ok. I don't get called Joe very often and when I do they learn. I'm a black belt so I could kill them or make them want death but my mental training can destroy them deeper so that I don't need violence.
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I admire mental strength. That and intelligence. The two things to get one through life.
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When the fire nation attacked?? Are you talking about Avatar?
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G'day, Steve1977. Shayjay and I go way back.
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She has talked about you on the way to work, lol.
She loves talking with you, and she's a cool sister, oh and hello, haha
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She is the coolest. I hope there's nothing bad, lol!
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no, she paid me $20 to keep the bad stuff a secret, (jokes)
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Honest work, heheheh!
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you bet!
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Are you the bro who looked like the dude from Led Zep?
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Steve yes I did make an avatar joke. When I was writing that my mind started wondering...
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yeah im that bro, and LPT i love Avatar, lol (go aang)
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Hey Steve quick question before I move a pawn there. How old are you?/what gender are you?
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35/m
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a little old for cartoons but i'm an anime fan
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Ok so you're 15 years older then me. Ok. You probably know about how most animes tend to be alittle gay but have you noticed how riddled gay joke that show is?
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Just asking
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I could lie and tell you a bunch of things a therapist would also tell you like keep a schedule, get out of bed everyday and shower, keep the same routine and just walk through the steps until you get over it, but to tell you the truth, I am lost. I can't find my way back to where I was. That's because we never can come back to who we were before the deaths happen. You are a different person now because this has changed you. You will begin to see things in a different way. You may become angry and bitter or you could become quiet and complacent just because you don't want to mess with anything. You may cry for days but most likely you'll cry for years. Then one day you'll realize you're just tired of crying and you begin to cry less. At night, you will go over in your head the times you had with them and maybe have some regrets or have no regrets at all because you know you did the best you could. You will feel like there's a hole in your heart that you could easily fall into and not come back out. Slowly the hole heals bit there's a scar there forever . You have to go on, but you'll never be the same.

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Then there will come a time where there's a little more light around you during the day. If you have family, you'll want to see them again if they are good people. You'll start to desire to get out more. You will establish new patterns in your life and with your routine. You may feel like writing your feelings down so you can see progress through out this time, because it's hard to see on your own through your own eyes. So being able to read back over things offers some hope of getting through it, not over it-not under it-not around it-but THROUGH it. You have to do the fight and fight your way through it to get to the other side of it. Ask any questions and I'll try and help.
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Thanks for making me cry Sincerity! Beautiful answer!
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I don't want to make anyone cry. It just kind of all came out and I guess I must have needed to get it out of me.
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Thank you for sharing and being honest.
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kazarina
Personal pain is so often bottled up. Sharing the life experiences, the bank of memories of a person can be a great help. On the 21st anniversary of my brothers death I held a memory day in his memory. About 80 people came. I opened my house to all his past friends & family. I put on a giant feast & just asked that everyone who could, just donate $10 to the cost of the day. We all had lunch & dinner together, we had a drink & remembered the days we all had with my brother. I asked those that had photos of the old days to share them & we had a big cork board that they were displayed on. There was people who hadn't seen each other for10 & 20 years. A lot of mate/ friendships were rekindled that day & so many rang me in the following week to thank me for bringing everyone back together. I was so pleased that the day was happy & beneficial to all of us.
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@kazarina-what a great idea! As soon as I am able to get through something like that, I will do this. For right now though, I will start a kist of names and addresses. Thank you!
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What a great idea kazarina!
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kazarina
It really does help & I know my brothers friends will be my friends now. Some I didn't know from back then but the bond of our love for my brother brought us all together & bonded us, I think for life. My mum got a lot from it as well as did all 7 of us siblings.
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kazarina
Sincerity, keep going on your path. I hold out my hand to you to help you stay on track. Im not churchy but believe in supporting good people who in sad times need the kindness that we would appreciate in our time of need if & when we are faced with sadness & loss. May less sad days lie ahead for you.
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Thank you so much. It means a lot.
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I have lost a few people close to me. I don't show much emotion. I prefer to deal in private.

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Through the Spirit.
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Christ is the Way. He helps us.
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Calmly controlling it till it fizzles out is how problems should be delt with cause releasing stress can just fuel the flames of anger. That's a hard lesson. I cursed 2 guys I don't even know when heard my best friend was mugged... But God came to me and said "you would mar me with more blood just because the sinners are sinners? Please my child be calm in my arms and repent of this curse and I will cover it with my blood."
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Thanks guys. My way works for me. No one gets hurt. then I come out of the darkness and everyone can breathe. I am with the Lord every second. i will give my life at the final moment. He helps me see the way. the path God wants me to walk. I'm happy I have you two warriors by my side. Infact, I am honored.
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Thanks punk. Hajimemashite that's Japanese for its been very nice to meet you. I have been learning cool phrases cause I Love how it sounds.
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WOW! Wicked, mate! Hajimemashite back! I need some linguistic skills. I don't think I communicate as well as I should.
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You seem fine to me. Whatever reason I'm easily fascinated with definitions.
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Yes. I, too.
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A study we did at my church is we took the fruit of the spirit and picked apart what each of their words means. It's interesting outlook.
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Tell me more!
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Well first off how would you define Love?
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Caring for someone else with a deep affection, which is only a chemical reaction induced by pheromones which are released on arousal.
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Or the thought that someone means more to you than your own life.
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Take the second one and start imagining the faces of the people you feel that way towards.
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kazarina

I lost my father to a heart attack when I was 15. I cried everyday & often at night for a good 3 months. I took 3 weeks off work as my eyes were a mess & all swollen from crying. I couldnt face people. My father spent his life working 6 if not 7 days a week to bring up 7 kids. He didn't drink, didn't smoke & was a loyal family man. I have always missed him. He's been passed for nearly 38 years. You never get over the loss but you learn to live without their guidance & support but you always think of them & wish they were here with you. Then my younger brother died in a car accident at the age of 24. That was even harder to get over. I reckon I cried for 6 months daily. I felt such an empty ache with him gone too. He passed 11 years after my dad had. All through the sad times my mum was such a rock. Although going through her own personal grief as a wife & a mother, she still was the glue of our family. She is an amazing woman & I am grateful that although my dad & brother are passed I know I'm so lucky to have my mum still. She turns 82 this year. I think the way to cope after the initial pain is to count your blessings & be glad that that person was part of your life. You wouldn't be who you were without their input into your life. With loving memories of them in your heart they are always with you.

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Beautiful.
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Very lovely. Thank you.
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kazarina
With sadness & loss, comes pain. With time, comes reflection & gratefulness for what you had & for what you still have left in your life.
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Well, I hope so because I'm still in a fog.
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kazarina
I'm sorry for your loss, how long have you been grieving? The road to life without a loved one near by, isn't mapped out for us & I think that's why we each travel at our own pace. As you said the darkness does lighten a little bit at a time & as long as you take as long as you need, you will get to a place where the sadness is bearable. It doesn't mean you don't ever cry for them again but the depth of the pain isn't as sharp & life will start again for you. Not as the life you knew but a life none the less. I wish you tranquility & peace of heart.
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12 years for my mother, 8 years for my son, 6 months for my sister, and 4 months for my daughter in law who was married to my son. We both never got over it-yet she began to drink and her body couldn't take it anymore. My sister died of a stroke from brain surgery and she was my best friend. My dad is getting ready to die soon. It will be okay. I am getting stronger because when I look back, I can see improvement . I was doing really well until the last two set me back but nothing like my son. Anyway...going to bed. Was up all night. Thank you for your kind words. I'd have to say one of the best things that happened was when I found this site by accident. There are a lot of great peoe on here.
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kazarina
Thankyou for sharing with me. It does get easier. That suffocating feeling when the pain feels like its consuming you, does eventually let up. You have a strength, while I feel your pain I also feel your strength. You may not realize it but that is what will get you through.
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Thank you so much. I think you're right. I also notice that the time periods between the low times are getting further and further apart. It used to be all sadness and one day my husband said he heard me laugh, now it's more laughs with less time of sadness. It such a SLOW process though!
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kazarina
Thankyou my friend. To share is to lesson the grief I think. We are burdened with so much in the name of living. Find strength in those close to you. I do.
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