10 months ago
Last edited at 11:04PM on 2/26/2013
They are your kids and I assume you have some kind of custody agreement. Make everyone abide by it. When you get the kids talk to them, or set up some counseling. If your ex is going to be discussing things with your kids that is going to hurt your relationship with them, they are going to need it.
Do your best to keep loving them & showing them in any way big or small how much you love them & don't stop doing it. Those are your children too, sooner or later they will make there own assessments as to who is telling the truth, right now they are hurting & having a very hard time. Always put your best foot forward & your kids at the top of your priority list. It's even more important now. Even if they ate angry or burdened by there Mothers lies, the'll always love there Daddy. It just will take time.
Well, it's kind of hard to answer this question without knowing what she told them and if it's true. If she is telling them lies that is easy to combat with the truth. If you messed up, admit it to them and tell them you are trying to be a better person now, and that you love them no matter what happened. Most of all be honest with your kids, they will respect you for it. They will know if you are lying. Just like you knew when they were.
I dealt with this personally only from my children's grandmother (my evil step mother). I thought if I loved them, was the best person I could be in spite of the lying/hurt...they'd come around. My girls are 21 & 26 now. Our relationship is still strained. But the one thing, I believe the only thing, that has kept them questioning the lies?? I never have bad mouthed their grandmother. Definitely not easy to do! Especially now that they're adults & that woman is deceased. But to speak ill of her, even if it were true, lowers me to her level. It's so wrong for adults to tear down other adults that are pillars in a child's eyes! Truth or lies, makes no difference! If you can't say anything nice--don't say anything at all.
If your ex told them the truth Although not the best thing she could have done its still the truth. The balls in your court. You need to ask for their forgiveness. Don't try to buy it. most , be a man and a father and don't walk away from them
I've been through this same thing too, luckily she wasn't interested in caring for the kids so i had ample time to talk to them and address any questions and set things straight. I'm not sure how old your kids are or what she told them but eventually they'll come around, if she's like my ex the kids will start seeing the truth. Either way they're still your kids and as long as you keep showing them how much you love them they'll see that that's never changed regardless of whatever else happens.