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Being Christian I realize I'm to forgive others, how is it possible to forgive someone that you have so much hatred for?

That being my ex.

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You can't. Not on your own. That's where GOD comes in.

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I would forgive but never forget what he did and move on from there

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overtaker

You shouldn't hate anyone in the first place. Just bcz he did something bad to you, doesn't mean you should hate him. Sure you're mad and sad, but you still shouldn't hate him. Hating someone will get you no where, it's better to forgive. Just remember that you will find someone better. Be glad that guy is out of your life. He just wasn't the right guy. There are plenty of fish in the sea ^-^
God bless :D

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I know, hate is a strong word, and I did find a good guy, it's just that for some reason the bad memories don't go away. Thank you for your answer.
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You should pray for the ability to forgive him

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Yes, I know, and I do. :)
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That's a good starting point. The forgiveness will come.
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as a Christian we are told to forgive and forget. i think that this is a verse that is misunderstood and misused too much in todays society. we are to forgive the other person for ourselves, not for them. as long as you stay hurt and angry at that person, you keep yourself from being happy. we are to forget the hurt caused by the other person but not the lesson learned.
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instead of thinking how do i forgive that "whatever" person, think of letting go of your anger and hurt. forgiveness will come when you are no longer feeling those negatives. also, what better revenge against someone who has hurt you than to be truly happy, and focusing on you and your dreams, rather than on them and their actions?

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Haha, I like the revenge part, thank you.
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You should always forgive some one no matter how bad their sin was. Or how much you hate him. Corey Ten Boom forgave a Nazi that killed her sister. Obviously, that situation is worse than yours. If she could do it, so can you.

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Thank you.
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As cookieroma said .. You cannot do it without God. Ask Him to help you.

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I do, I ask Him. Thank you.
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Honey, sometimes it just comes right down to the fact that there are some things in our lives that we can't manage to do on our own. Someone asked the question on here a few days ago, "What is the hardest thing in the world to do?" Most people answered material things, of course. I said it was forgiving people. Just because we're Christians doesn't mean we're robots without feelings. Ask our loving Heavenly Father to help you forgive him. It doesn't mean that you'll forget what he did to you. Truthfully and personally, I think God is the only one that can "truly" forget. But He can help us forgive. We may have to ask Him every 5 minutes for a few weeks to help us, but after a while, it'll get better, and you'll think of your ex less and less. Ask Him to help you with that also. And remember Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." God Bless You.

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I love your answer, thank you!
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Oh, honey, thank you. I'm sure it was just the Holy Spirit speaking through me if it helped you. I prayed that it would. I will be praying for you and, if you don't mind, will just add you to my prayer list. I don't know about you, but I can use all the prayers I can get! 8-)
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FunnyLittleFrog

Forgiveness is for something profound, not troubles with an ex. If you are honestly mad, just be mad. Don't let it take over your life, though. But don't make yourself sick over forgiving someone who was a jerk to you. It's just something to move on from.

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Getting punched in the face, getting dragged when I was pregnant with his child is profound to me.
Thanks for your answer.
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Well, Funny, there you go again with your "profound" judgments of people. You have no idea what someone has been through in their lifetime, as you just came to find out. There are many things in life that YOU may think someone can "just move on from" that may scar someone that's sensitive, for the rest of their lives. What does "profound" mean to you anyway? Murder?? Attempted murder??
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Thank you for that Sissymom!
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You're welcome, honey.
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Hate is a heavy burden to carry around. There is a step between hate and forgiveness, letting something go. Come to terms with the unpleasantness, realize you're in a better place, move forward. In time forgiveness is not so hard.

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It's been a little while now, I don't understand why the anger is still is there. And yes, it is a burden. Thank you.
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I think hurts can arrive when we least expect during our entire lives. Iv been married for over 18 years, and the other day, I had a remembrance of an old bf ( from 25 years ago) and I started having hard feelings again. It's amazing how easily our minds and emotions can arrise quickly from a long time ago. I found myself needing to forgive him again. Jesus says to forgive 77x7 times. It shows that we can't just can't forgive once but over and over and over agsin bc we r human.
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Thanks for sharing Lolo, has forgiveness gotten any easier as years go by?
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Lol. Well.. That's a difficult question. I don't think it easy but needed. If someone has been wronged deeply... It's a matter of forgiving over and over and Usually " time" does heal.
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JamesKaeberle

It's only possible though the power of the Holy Spirit.

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Forgiveness is forgiveness. Plain and simple.

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Prayer & knowledge of God will begin the journey of pure forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn't just happen, to truly forgive, you need to heal from the hurt, you feel that you hate him because you're crushed. Take some time to feel the emotions of pain. Only then can you realize that neither he nor you, nor I or anyone really deserves any forgiveness, but in our folly & selfishness, God felt love & peace & compassion & understanding & mercy. Not for what we were doing or the pain we had caused him, but for our mortal souls, for our struggling spirits, he forgave because he "felt" where we were coming from. He seen our hurt & pain, even through the evils we had so spread.
I hope you find your forgiveness. Understanding is a good start.

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Remembering the cruel things he did makes me feel like I can't forgive him, he put me through a lot physically and mentally.
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You should give yourself permission to feel the hurt, the anger, the pain. That's what I'm saying, you wo.t be able to truly forgive if you don't grieve.
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I held a lot of resentments, for me i wrote it down. Then i wrote what part did i play in my hatred. There was always a part or something i did to create the situation that caused me to hate. Then i asked for forgiveness. Through God all things are possible. I had to come to realize that for me. Even forgiveness. Holding on to something so powerful is kind of crazy, like holding on to a burning coal, in a room by yourself, with no one to throw it at. Have faith.

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Great analogy, thanks.
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You'll forgive when you're ready. You shouldn't need to struggle with the idea of it. Rationalization isn't forgiveness.

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Yes, I think I will! :)
Thanks.
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We forgive bc God forgave us first.. We did worse to God than what they did to us...when you have the Holy Spirit in you you have the heart of God and you would feel the urge to...it may be hard but we must forgive others. Bitterness will get you no where but south. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you. And pray for them and for you to grant them forgiveness. God bless!

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This is the thing I think of a lot, He forgave us for all the bad that we did, maybe I don't "hate" him, but I'm very bitter. Thanks.
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God bless.. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help you.
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You have to.

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I know.
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First of all .. affirm your faith in God. You can't ask God to make this all nice nice, and expect Him to make it alll better. That's not how it works .. but you ask for help .. and together, you can overcome this barrier you have built.

Concentrate more on the love and peace you that can enrich your life (the positive influence God has to offer) .. and less on the hurt and the negativity you are feeling.

Never forget ... there two entities .. the positive and the negative. It's up to you to choose which one you want to prioritize and allow to grow and take control of your life. It's your choice.

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I realize I need to make the choice of being positive but when I see him, it brings back how much I "don't like" him, and I feel like I haven't forgiven him. May be just a feeling.
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Give it time. Like any wound, it takes time to heal. Allow yourself the time to mourn the loss of your failed relationship, the loss of trust and maybe even some dignity.

Be patient .. and don't ever under estimate the power of prayer.

You can do this!
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Look to Jesus for an example. Mankind crucified Him on a cross, and one of the last things He said was
" Father forgive them they know not what they do." If He can forgive that we should be able to forgive mankind for their transgressions. Remember what Jesus taught, "Love God with your whole heart, mind, and strength, and your neighbor as yourself.
Food fir thought.

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Thank you.
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As a Christian I believe you should forgive. But forgetting is different. DONT forget and learn from it. Learn what happened and don't put/allow yourself to be put in the same situation later on. Going through a divorce and following that I was abused both physically for a few year and then mentally a few years after. Well after years of hating my mom I forgave her. It was the hardest thig I've ever done but I know it was the right thing to do. You should forgive your ex. Everyone deserves another chance

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Wow, that's deep, thanks!
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I just read about the most perfect answer for this yesterday in a book called "Treasures of the snow". "Grandmother, what does it mean when it says that Jesus knocks at the door of our hearts?" "It means, that the Saviour sees that your life is full of wrong things and dark thoughts. He came down and was crucified so that He might bear the punishment of those wrong deeds and those dark thoughts instead of you. Then He arose so that He could come into your life and live in you, and turn out all wrong thoughts, and think his good, loving thoughts in you instead. It is like a man knocking at the door of a dirty, dark, dusty house and saying,'If you will let me in I will clear away the dust and the darkness and make it beautiful and bright.' But, remember, He never pushes in He only asks if He may come in. That is what knocking means. You have to say, 'Yes, Lord Jesus, I need You and want You to come and live in me' that is what opening the door means." "But grandmother, if you hated someone you couldn't ask Jesus to come in, could you?" "If you hate someone, it just shows how badly you need to ask Him to come in. The darker the room, the more it needs light. When you come down in the morning and find this room dark with the shutters closed, do you say, 'I must chase away the darkness and the shadows first, and then I will let in the sun.'?" "No" "Then how do you make it so bright in here every morning?" "Well, I just pull back the shutters, and the light scares it away I guess." The Lord knows who to give stuff like that to and when to give it to them. I'm proud I was chosen to post that.

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Okay, now that was beautiful, thank you for sharing. Makes sense!
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Thank you for allowing me the pleasure of tell you about that.
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That's a real good question. The person I despise is a monster. I don't think we are supposed to forgive them.

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I know, because God said, that we are suppose to forgive, no matter what. He can't forgive us if we don't forgive others, and really, I know what your saying. I "want" to forgive, I just don't know how! Sorry your dealing with a monster
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She's dead but in my head sometimes. I'll forgive when I'm about to die and no longer live with her atrocities.
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You didn't kill her did you?!
No, I'm playing, yes I'm sure it'll get better, for both of us.
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I'm sorry that you're having a hard time. When I'm upset, I like to reflect on Psalm 37:8 which says, "Let anger alone and leave rage; do not show yourself heated up only to do evil."

And sometimes, although it might be hard to heed these words, at Psalm 4:4 it says, "Be agitated, but do not sin. Have your say in your heart, upon your bed, and keep silent." Sometimes, those words are easier said them done! However, I've found that advice to be incredibly helpful. When I'm frustrated and upset, the best thing to do is to pray to God and let it go. It's okay to be angry for at time, but it should not overtake you. At Psalm 55:22 it says, "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you. Never will he allow the righteous one to totter."

I hope this helps and that you feel better.

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Thank you TTaylor87, those are real good scriptures.
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How can someone that hates call themselves Christian?

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I realize hate is a strong word, but I'm human, that's why I need a Savior, duh! Thanks for your comment anyways.
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In the Bible it says "Love your neighbor as yourself." You need to ask God to help you forgive others and pray also that they forgive you, too.

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Try blessing them. As you do.... You
Will learn that you cant do both bless and hate at the same time!!
So everytime you think a hate thought--- turn it into a blessing!
My twin and i have had a prob for about 8 years now. I use to think i would not know how to live without her-----then one day she just started saying mean things-critical-stab you in the back things! I told her i forgave her(didnt work....then i started getting more upset as years passes) heard a sermon about the bleasing! Things may be turning around a bit now.
I also think this has been a God lesson for me : to lean on Jesus- not on fellow-man!
So start those blessings!
oh! and there is nothing in scripture rhat says you are to forget- thats why blessing those you 'dislike' works!

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Lily, I love what you said here, and like you, i had to learn to quit expecting perfection from anybody except our Lord :). Because people WILL let us down, even people that like and love us! And when we get out love and acceptance and worth from Him first, then people can never disappoint us! I'm enjoying your answers here on Ask, so keep them coming! Bye, Beth
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If you find yourself struggling to forgive someone, then that means your not ready. So why do you have to forgive someone when your not ready? You have to give it some more time. Only time will ease your anger away.

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Ask God to help you. No human can ever truly forgive someone on their own, it's God's work. Ask him for strength to forgive and forget, and you will earn it.

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