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Should I continue speaking to my dad or cut him out of my life and go through with court? Read on

my parents have been separated since I was about 3, I'm now 17. About 5 years ago my father got married and had a child with his new wife. he also took in her child with a former marriage. within the past two years my father has stopped paying for my expenses. I had a big sweet 16 birthday party and he said he would come and didn't follow through without much of an explanation. he also hasn't put me on his benefits package in fear that his work may know he has a child outside of his marriage. in November I left the hospital or surgery and he didn't check up on me at all. he also didn't call me for Christmas or even send me a gift. lastly he didn't call me or message me for my 17th birthday reason being he "got a new phone" my mom pays for all my expenses and my dad has helped with nothing for the past 5 years. I have filed paperwork to take him to court for child support, should I follow through?

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DukeCityMuscle

Nothing you've described is truly evil, it's just really crappy parenting and it's emotionally hurtful. If you're 17 now you're only eligible to receive child support for less than a year now. And your legal parent (your mother it sounds like) would be the person to pursue that. So for you, find your best self and your dignity and tell your dad you would like to talk with him. Don't make it an ambush, don't vent all over him. Just tell him plainly that over the years you feel he's let you down. Give him examples. Avoid saying things like "and you should have known" or "what kind of parent is that". And it's not about the money, it's about the hurt, so avoid talking about money for now. Don't expect an answer or an explanation from your dad, he may not know what to say. Just let him know that you would like to have a good relationship with him but the things he does and the things he doesn't do make that very, very hard.

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Thank you however I've tried to talk to him but he won't answer any of my calls or texts. I really don't know what I've done wrong?
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DukeCityMuscle
Uh oh, it's a problem that you wonder what YOU did wrong when HE is the one who has done so many things wrong. The awful truth is that some people who have kids are actually the worst people to be parents. You might have been a handful in some ways because all kids are, but what you describe him doing and not doing is stuff that adults know is wrong. It's him, not you.

If he doesn't want to talk with you, find peace in knowing that you tried to be the better person and you gave him a chance. Don't make any more efforts but be willing to listen if he has anything to say to you.
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Okay thankyou, I appreciate it
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you should never give up on your parents. unless they've done something REALLY bad to u like child abuse or something. u dont have to like him. just give him a miniscule chance and try to deal with him a little. good luck :)

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Of course you should follow through. He owes you that much.

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I think you should. Your father isn't doing his job AT ALL. Just because he has two other kids, doesn't mean he can treat you like that. He isn't taking care of you at all! All of his reasons are terrible and definitely not good enough. You deserve better, is all I'm going to say.

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I know I should but I feel really bad
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Don't! He's proved that he's not worth it! Think about yourself. YOU deserve better. This isn't about him, it's about you. Don't feel bad for him, he should be feeling guilty about the way he treated you.
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Cut him out :)

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Father is not the one who bring you into the earth but the one who takes care of you. However, I think you should go down on your knees and pray. I know what you're going through..

My birth father was never in my life and my mom took care of 3 kids on her own. When I turned 18, he finally admit that I'm his daughter and wanted to come back in my life.

It's hard. Take your time and think about it carefully.. Do you love your father? If your father was ill, would you go see him at the hospital?

Once you answer those 2 questions... you'll have your answer

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Some day your father is going to regret how he's treated you. He's not perfect, and has made serious mistakes when it comes to you. Yes, he owes back child support, and this is important. It's not a personal issue, but financial. I'm sure you can use the money. I encourage you to pursue the court on that. As far as the rest goes- his behaviour is something he will have to come to terms with. He's already hurt you, and that's so sad. But go on with your life, help your mom, and make sure you plan on a good future for yourself. Remember never to treat your future children that way! I'm sure you won't. Best wishes.

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Awe thankyou, your comment honestly brought a smile to my face
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I'm so glad! Now I feel better, too!
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First off, it breaks my heart to hear a child being treated like this.. I know you must feel rejected and incredibly hurt. I'm not sure how YOU can sue him for support .. He doesn't own YOU the money (he's supposed to pay it to your mother), although it's IS for your care. I'm not real familiar with that.

But .. in any event..No need to make a big dramatic deal out of 'cutting him out of your life' unless you need to make a point of it, and that's your way of lashing back at him. Sadly, I don't know if he would respond to that the way you'd like him to that would offer you any satisfaction.

For me .. I would just go about my business and forget him. He hasn't made any effort to be a part of your life, not even when you were just a toddler. If that's the case..then so be it. Although he's your FATHER ... he's no more than a sperm donor .. He's definitely not a DAD. He may have his own reasons for feeling this .. it's anyone's guess. I just find it very disturbing...even if he and your mom just weren't meant to be a couple.

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I know it's easier said than done, but forget the past ... Focus on the family you have, your school, your friends..and making something of your life without him in it. By the sounds of his 'character' .. you are better off without him.

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It's your mothers duty to follow through with a lawyer and make sure your taken care of by your father... I think she's dropping the ball

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Yes no excuse from him would be good enough, he needs to be supportive and responsible in some way if not in other ways for denying you like that.

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it kind of sounds like cutting him out would be pointless because he's already cut you out of his.life. I say move on and forget him. I'm in the same situation. I don't talk to ky dad anymore since he's made it very clear that his fiancee kids and grandchildren and my two brothers and their kids are way more.important than his only daughter and his first two grandchildren. I've moved on.

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It Dosent bother you at times though?
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yeah it bothers me all time, but I've made efforts, and my whole life hes put his girlfriends, drugs, or alcohol before me. my kids get 'iou's for their birthdays and Christmas just like I used to growing up. he calls about once every few months if he needs something. he's barrowed tons of money from me when I was 18 and waitressing with my own bills to pay while he makes 32$ an hour. he doesn't even know where I live because he hasn't bothered to ask. he visits his fiancee daughter and grandchildren who lives 10 minutes away from me, and he refused to come to my wedding because my step dad offered to pay for it when ly dad said he didn't have money to help. so there is only so many times I can keep trying to make him a part of my life before its easier and less exhausting to just walk away because I'm sick of being hurt let down every time.
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Wow I'm sorry to hear that & I know how you must feel especially with your kids and stuff..
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yeah don't feel sorry, my step dad stepped in and accepted me as his daughter, so I still have a great support system. hopefully you do too.
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