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How do you deal with judgmental people?

how do you personally, not become affected by judgments from other people, even family members? thanks in advance.

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Once you realize who you are and what you are, other people's opinions are just that, their opinion. We can't control what others think about us and how they judge us. Just do your best to be yourself, some will like us for who we are, others won't, concentrate your time and effort on those who do and you won't have too much time to concentrate on those who don't.

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What about family members that judge the things you're doing? It's more that they judge my choices, and it hurts. What about that?
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My dad use to judge me, you're right, it does hurt. I could never do anything that was good enough for him, he use to tell me that I'd never amount to anything. One day, I concluded that if I continue to listen to him I'll begin to believe what he says and thinks about me. Just because some people are kin to us don't mean that their opinion of us is right.
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I had to realize that nothing that I would ever do would change what he thought about me. I'm not sure if your case is as serious as mine was but my dad was an abuser, physically and emotionally, the emotional abuse hurt far more than the physical abuse.
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It's both my mom and my dad. And I've been abused mentally and emotionally since I was young. (Physically as well for a while.) That's the part that hurts the most. When I re-acted to what my mom said in a hurt manner, the way she responded was hurtful. I think that hurt almost as bad or worse than the unfair judgements.
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I'm sorry. I hope things get better for you. I know how difficult and hurtful it is. If your parents are emotional abusers, you have to recognize that, it's not a reflection on you and not even necessarily a reflection on what they think about you.
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It's just so hard. The words echo in my mind long after they've been said. Sorry though;I do believe thanks are in order. Thanks for answering my question. Yours has been most helpful so far.
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shaylen : He's a good guy and did give you a great answer ! His Dad sounds like mine ! My Dad always took his anger out on me ! While my brother and sister would leave .
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It's not just my dad, it's my mom.
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Sorry I suddenly stopped answering, I fell asleep lol. Thanks MrJohnWayne.
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MrJohnWayne, when I heard you talking about how proud you are of your son, that impressed me. Not all dads are supportive of their sons, not all dads even like their sons. You're a good dad and your son is blessed to have you.
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Shaylen, just remain true to who you are. It may be that you're never able to please your mom and dad, some parents are like that unfortunately. Don't believe the negative things that they say about you and don't become like them.
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It's not my turn merrilltom to say I might as well not comment, because you put it perfectly! I agree with this. You have to come to the point where you are comfortable with who you are, and you don't care what others think. When you have to deal with a relative or loved one putting you down and hurting you, you eventually have to do the same thing. You have to put it behind you and just realize, I love them, but what they think of me does not DEFINE who I am. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Make sure you have a good opinion of yourself, and no one else's will matter :) (that's not to say you shouldn't be open to helpful criticism or gentle rebuke)
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Well, I'll never become like them, that's for sure. And thank you. I shall try.
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@missrisa-thank you
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Shaylen, I couldn't have put it better than MsRia did. If you take her advice, you can't go wrong, that's exactly what I did, I'm able to look at myself in the mirror and like who I see because of it. I love my dad, but I had to get to the point that he couldn't emotionally control me. When you seek the approval of someone who will never give it to you, it leaves you feeling empty.
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@MissRia, you were able to use the perfect words to say what I was attempting to say..I really love the way you put things into perspective and the words you use to do so :)
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@merr-exactly! I feel very empty. And I hope you don't feel your answer was bad: it was very good. The problem is, I don't see myself very highly anymore, I don't esteem myself or feel worth, so I take everything to heart and am easily manipulated. How did you gain a better self-esteem?
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merrilltom : Just make sure you stay out of Iraq !
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First, you pray for strength. Then, you HAVE to accept that in their eyes, you're always going to fall short, any efforts to make them see you in a different light will be in vain. You have to realize that the way that others see you is a LIE. You continue to love your parents, but you have to learn to value THEM in a different way. The fact that you're asking how to make this right leads me to believe that you have a good heart, one that's been broken. You value them differently then you place the proper amount of value on yourself. You already realize that you're being manipulated, that's good. Now you have to realize that you have worth and you have value. Simply put, you have to "let it go".
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You have to recognize that you've been abused, emotional abuse is more hurtful than physical abuse. I was physically and emotionally abused, the physical abuse was so bad that I was removed from my mom and dad, but the scars from the emotional abuse are far worse than the physical. Letting go isn't as easy as it sounds, but if you do what MissRia said, you will be well on your way. We weren't created to be vessels of dishonest or shame.
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Very good merrilltom ! Poor shaylen has been going through this hell for a long time ! You've been a great help to her . I've known her for a long time and sometimes , she just needs to let it out ! Can't say as I much care for her parents abusive ways , but shaylen will rise up and be the better person ! I know it !
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You feel empty because somewhere deep down, you still think you'll be able to gain their approval, let it go.
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Oops I meant "It's NOW my turn"

Guys, I have had the same problem growing up. My Dad is a wonderful Dad in many ways, but emotional abuse can come in so many disguised forms and being hurt was something I struggled with on a daily basis from him. And in fact still do. I thought for a while that I was just maybe too sensitive of a person, or I could maybe someday do something that would change things. But that's just not true. We all look at our parents growing up as these huge strong pillars of wisdom, but one day we cleave (separate) from our parents and we have to realize that we are now our own individuals. We are now the ones who will make an impact on someone else's life, for good or bad. We need to be strong, and proud in who we are.

Now I deal with my Dad in an entirely different manner. I love him, but I don't let him get me down with his attitude, what he says or how he treats me. Some people are just scrooges. :P

Merrilltom I disagree (can you believe!?) I think you put it better dear. ;)
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Another way I would put it is to just rise above it. You are above all of that, don't stoop to it. When it starts to happen, just talk to yourself in your mind, tell yourself what you are hearing is silly and just kind of self talk yourself into believing how valuable you are as a person, go through what you love best about yourself. Secondly, just smile, don't get frustrated, people who hurt you are silly people, just smile and leave the room, or end the conversation.
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She will. I know exactly what she's feeling. There are some things that she has to accept, then she can begin the healing process. Once she heals, she'll be a much stronger person. In the meantime, I'll be here if she ever needs to talk or just vent. Once she has overcome this, she will be able to help others who are going through the same thing.
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I'm not sure why we can't edit our comments! It was suppose to say "we weren't created to be vessels of dishonor or shame"...(autocorrect victim)
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Excellent advice MissRia. Shaylen, all of the tools that you need are written in black and white now, it's up to you to follow what you've been told. Free advice is worth what you payed for it if you don't use it. Refuse to be a victim.
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@MissRia..absolutely, when I read your comment I thought to myself, "she just conveyed exactly what I was trying to say, and in a very beautiful way". That one comment says it all :)
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Hope you do as they sat shaylen ! After you and I have talked a lot about this , you have two more people with you ! Rise above it all and excell in Your life ! You're a good person and deserve to be treated better . But like they said , rise above it all ! You're the Better person !
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I don't know why you can't edit your comments either! It's irritating. haha.

Shayla, is there anything else you need to talk about? I know just talking can help heaps.
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Shaylen* (see, comment editing prohibition is horrible!)
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Thank you all. You're all very sweet and it's nice to know I have people that care and understand. I wish I could sit and vent and talk but I've been procrastinating a paper >.< it's just so hard to get started now with all that's going on in my mind. Merr-you're absolutely right-I do still feel like there could be approval, I guess I do need to let go. I know it's all a lie most of the time, but my problem is I don't know how to stop caring about what other people think, especially my parents. I have to work on my paper on Sunday, and my mom made me feel like a bad person for doing so. I felt comfort from somewhere for a moment that if I needed to work on Sunday, it would be ok, but then the guilt of what my mom said returned, because I care too much about what she thinks. I need to be able to work on my essay everyday till it's due, INCLUDING Sunday, without feeling guilty. That's one of my biggest issues right now, but cutting words were also said last night.
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MissRia, I've never seen anything of yours that needs to be edited, it's always seemed pretty perfect to me ;)
I'm going to have to run some weekend errands, if you're going to be online in an hour or two, I'll look for you. Ttys MissRia!
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shaylen : We all know that you are a smart , caring person ! Somehow , we've got to toughen you up so these things stop bothering you . I know you can beat this ! But , you have to know inside that you can ! You can and you will !!!
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You have to learn to value her in a different way Shaylen. It's just going to take some time. Anytime you need to vent or just talk about it, look me up. Also, MissRia could probably be able to give you a perspective on it that I'm unable to communicate to you, I'm sure that she would be willing to help you in any way, I truly value her opinion and she offers very wise advice.
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I really am willing to talk anytime, I would love to be here for you to vent or talk to and vise versa :) How old are you Shaylen?

and Merrilltom, I still haven't heard your age! From what I gather, you are anywhere from 23 to 90. haha.

Heck Shaylen, write that paper on Sunday! And make it the best paper you've ever written :) That will be something you can hold your head up about. :D Also a study buddy might be helpful.
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Ok. Thank you all, really. I really appreciate it.
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Thanks missrisa! :)
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I'll answer your other questions later: I need to stop stalling.
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MissRia, when you come back online, try and find me if I'm online. If I'm on my iphone I'm not going to know that your online unless you leave me a comment as I don't have an activity button on the iphone app. I was trying to tell you something but it got deleted..it wasn't bad Lol, just a way that you could get in touch. When you get a chance, write down my username, I'm going to give you some additional info to go behind it and you'll understand why.
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Well my friend:p . If its not true you shouldn't let it bug you. Come on shay your a smart girl . It also helps to not over analyze everything . Next time someone says or does something just shrug it off and continue on with your day .

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Unfortanitly it still bugs me :/ thanks for answering Shane.
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Sorry shay . It just takes practice that's all . Your just a sensitive little shay that's all. I used to let what other people said bug me but then I thought to myself why are they saying those things it's not because they are right it's because they like to talk and judge other people. I'm sure your not the problem there has to be more towards your parents judgement .
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I wish I could give you a big hug and hold you until you felt better I'm sorry your parents are judge mental . I'm sure there just doing it because they care .
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Thanks shane. I just wish I could understand why. It's confusing.
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There's nothing wrong with you shay trust me.
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You should not take negative comments to heart because that's exactly what they are comments nothing more.
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It's not always so much me (though they judge me on my character/personality too,) but the chooses I make. They're hardly (rarely) ever supportive. Just hurts I guess. They make me feel so guilty am ridiculous for needing to work on certain things rather than doing other things.
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If I'm wrong tell me . I think you have a good sense of humor and enjoy people , but you are a bit insecure and you tend to over think things sometimes . You are strong , but you may have trouble dealing with people when you are going through tough times and your parents and other people stress you out .
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Shay I would not change a single thing about you I like you just the way you are. I think you just want to be shown a bit more love and attention .
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You're basically right with the majority of that.
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The "tough times" are 80% of the time family issues.
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You also want praise for your achievements .
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You absolutely deserve praise .
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Some parents are just wired a certain way . My mom for example is just not capable of showing genuine affection or any for that matter .
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We all do and think things without even realizing it . Those things are how we feel and think deep down inside .
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I hope I'm making sense now, because I'm too freezing and it's extremely late so I can't think straight, and also other things, but it's more so that I would like to have my parents acceptance, emotional support, (and yea I suppose praise), and just understanding. And yea, I suppose love. I've lacked all these things my whole life, and every time I express a problem I get criticized for it. Well, that's all I'm going to say: this is far too personal and deep for the Internet.
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If you ever want to stop caring what People think about you your going to have to acknowledge why it's bothering you and dissect the problem. Then adjust and teach yourself to not let it bother you .
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Ok. Thanks shane.
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Or add me on Kik
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Sorry, and thanks, but I'm probably going to sleep soon-it's really late, but thanks for the offer.
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Maybe, Shane. Night. Thanks for answering.
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Of course if you ever need someone to talk to and it a bit to personal for everyone to see . You got my email . Good night talk to you later
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Thanks shane. Night!
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Night night .^_^
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Sweet dreams ya dork:p
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I finally got my haircut (:
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Ignore em and try to divert ur mind!

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I really don't care what anybody thinks,I know who i am,and what I'm about.In the words of an old friend of mine...yeehaaaww,get bent!!

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Unfortunately, I do care what people think. Far, far too much. And it's harder when it's family. Mind sharing your secret?
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Every family has people in it that do nothing but pass judgement on everyone else like they are God's gift to the world.I really don't care what people think or say.Everyone has an opinion.Popeye always said "I Yam what I yam" Bottom line is,be you.
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Mine is my mom and my dad. I like to think I'm a pretty alright person, simply trying to do what makes me happy and do well in school, but it never seems to be enough. I only have one week to write a paper. (Less now.) and I have to do part of it on Sunday or I'll be panicked and last minute, and apparently I "shouldn't be doing that on Sunday." (We don't do that kinda stuff on Sunday: but well excuse me, I kinda have to...) it just bugs me.
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Idk: it just felt unsupportive, and noisy, and quite judgmental. I'm just trying to be responsible.
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It sounds like your folks are just trying to get the best out of you.Homework always sucks,so I guess getting done before Sunday leaves you more time to relax and be with friends or family.Good luck.
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Well, it's an essay assigned weds, due weds.
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Thanks.
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Just do your best.
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pay 'em a lick of nary no mind atall

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I wish it were that easy. I'd do it.
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that is how I deal with 'em
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I wish I had your tough skin! I'm very soft.
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Haters gonna hate. Ignore them or kill them with kindness :)

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As a brony, I own some MLP merch and whatnot. I have random Fluttershy stuff in my room and a few MLP shirts. I have worn these shirts for months without getting any flack, let alone any comments. The only criticism I got was from my sister. She was convinced that I was gay and liked furry porn. I told her otherwise and that she shouldn't be quick to judge without looking at what I'm actually looking at. She was bugging me about it for a week after finding out, but I just kinda ignored her. She started to get less annoying, and to this day, she doesn't harass me about it.

The trick is to not give a crap about other opinions. Also, don't feel like what you are being judged on is something that is SUPPOSED to be judged. I wear pony shirts, but not because it's a statement. I wear them because I like it. Hope this helps.

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I'm sorry what?
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You could read from "The trick is" to the end I guess. The rest is just an example of what I dealt with.
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Whenever the make a judgement about you or something you or your friends, just remember who it came from. If they are always judging people (or you), there probably isn't anything wrong with you- that person just needs to change their attitude. Just be who you are and don't worry about other people's opinions of you.

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Simple. Do this, 'when they talk too much, you act too much'.

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That made no sense
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Gos bless you.
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God bless you
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What?? Please don't answer if you're just going to screw around: your answer and comment made no sense....
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My answer was short. I think that is the problem why you didnt get what I mean. Let me prolong the very same answer to make you understand what I meant.
'The only way to answer your critics is through actions. Because critics use words to discourage. Critics use words to minimize in order to equalize. That is why I said, when they talk too much, you act too much. While they waste their time being judgemental, you use your time to do what you think is right and proper.'
Alright then, that is what I meant. Again, it is not must to agree with my ideas. Everyone is trying to say according to his or her views. Please, dont make it a big deal. If it doesnt make sense, skip the comment and do other things.
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I hereby finish my race.
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Sorry I just wanted to know what you meant.
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Still kinda confusing....
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God give you peace.
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Unfortunately, I have three or four of them in my family. In my case, it's not so much judging me, as, well, basically anyone and everyone, so yes, I am included. It's more sarcastic remarks, with me, and put downs, at times. They, with the exception of my mom, (and yes, she's very judgmental) think they're the cream of the crop. I can't bring myself to speak my mind, even though these people need put in their places, so I just bear it.....though it aggravates me, immensely. I'm just glad I'm not like they are.

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That's what you have to remember, you're not like them. I was afraid that if I spent too much time with my family, my dad for the most part, that I would have a very poor self image of myself and I would become like him. I don't claim to be better, but I know I'm different. I'm sorry you've had to put up with that as well.
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Well, my mom will say something critical, and then I get put down for getting upset about her criticism. I try to be very careful, but I don't honestly know what's going to get a reaction. If I could go back in time, maybe I wouldn't have stated my plans and why I was doing this and that.
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But yea, my mom is probably the most sarcastic of the family, and both mom and dad are put downs. And yes they judge everyone. Anyway, how do you stay strong and not let it get to you? I honestly don't know how anymore. We don't normally work (including school work) on Sunday, but I kinda have to: my teacher gives us a week to write out essays, I need everyday, and then my mom judged me for that, and I'm sensitive, so it bothered me. I re-act, and she gets mad at me for it >.< (sorry for the essay!
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Thank you, merrilltom.
I am sorry for your past situation, merrill, and your still present, shaylen. Read your answer and comments, merrilltom. That is absolutely horrible. My heart goes out to you both. I didn't have abuse anywhere what you two did/do, but the mostly emotional abuse was there, growing up, especially with my dad, but so much less, I am sure. The best of luck to you, shaylen. Btw, nothing to be sorry about. :)
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I'm grown now and have put everything into perspective, in all honesty, it's probably made me a stronger person and a better dad. None of us had a "perfect" family life, we either learn from it or we let it become a cycle.
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Well, nice for something to come out of it. :)
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Don't let anyone define you

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